First pregnancy/miscarriage and handling emotions

[MelB2014]

Hello,

Unfortunately I had it confirmed yesterday that I have miscarried, it was my first pregnancy and I was 7 weeks last Thursday. I had only found out the Friday before that I was pregnant and it was unexpected, although not unwelcome. My husband and I haven't been actively trying but we'd just stopped not trying for the last few months.

I was unsure about whether I would get pregnant at all due to past problems with endometriosis and other issues - however since coming off the pill this year I seemed to have 'evened out' in terms of cycle for the first time.

The whole MC has been quite traumatic, I woke up in the early hours of Wednesday in terrible pain, passed out, banged my head and had to crawl to my room to wake my husband up. I kept passing out and after he called 111 I ended up going to A&E in an ambulance.

The exam and scan at that point showed that everything was still there, but no heartbeat detected. I stopped bleeding on Sunday and it never seemed to be as heavy as others describe, although it was very painful. I had to wait until yesterday for the follow up scan, which confirmed a complete MC.

Whilst I was expecting this news, I still had that glimmer of hope that it might just be OK.

I've come back to work today because I was struggling with sitting at home and dwelling on it, but I feel very... odd. I'm really struggling to focus on things and I just feel very sad.

The other thing that has changed is that whilst before I was just very relaxed about having a baby and quite happy to do the 'if it's meant to be it will be' thing, now I feel completely different. I seem to have gone to now wanting a baby desperately and this has just never been me at all. Is it the hormones, and will it pass?!

My husband is concerned about me going through it all again and so am I. It was just awful and I never want to feel that way again, but I know I'm going to have to risk it if I ever want to have a child...

How do you handle all of this?

mel I'm so sorry you lost your baby. Don't put any pressure on yourself to feel normal, it's a horrible experience physically, your hormones are crashing, and for most couples there's a grieving process to get through. It's very early to be back at work - if 'coping' and being busy helps that's ok, but give yourself permission to need to mope about for a few days and recover.
Lots of people need to get pregnant again to in some way 'put things right'. Statistically your chances of a successful pregnancy remain high at 85%, there is no increased risk after a single miscarriage of it happening again. No doubt your anxiety will be increased, there are v supportive TTC and pregnancy after MC threads to support you through.

Thank you bakingtins. I have had a week off work since I first went to hospital last Wednesday, in which I did lots of moping about sobbing in my PJs. I had stopped bleeding on Sunday and physically I am not in pain or showing symptoms anymore, so after yesterday confirmed what I thought I just figured I may as well get on with things and try and act normally - although it's harder than I realised. I'm really tired which I guess is just emotional/physical exhaustion.

I've only got tomorrow to get through before the weekend and my employers are aware to an extent and have offered me extra help with my workload at the moment.

The whole experience has had me re-evaluate everything the past week. Before this happened I had an incredibly stressful few weeks with work and professional exams, having no idea I was pregnant at the time. I've got that nagging thought that my stress levels may have been a significant contributory factor in my MC, although of course we will never know.

It's such a horrible experience isn't it. I've supported friends through MCs but you just never think it will happen to you I guess

It's v unlikely to be anything you did or didn't do. Most miscarriages are caused by randomly arising chromosome defects in the embryo meaning it can't develop beyond a certain point. Guilt and looking for reasons is part of grieving, but don't take the blame on yourself, it really wasn't your fault.

Hugs Mel xxx you want one now because u thought u were getting one :( it's horrible xxx