On announcing mc "Well I'm sure you'll have another"...

[Dye2014]

... Must be one of the most tactless things to say.

Firstly this one was an accident. Therefore no; no we may not try again.

Secondly I'm in pain and my pants look like a bloodbath. The thought of going through this again is horrifying.

Thirdly dh is grieving too. I'm not sure my vagina is of huge interest right now.

I'm sure there are more. Most people say 'oh shit, I'm sorry etc'. There's no right answer but it's up there with 'just relax' for infertile couples....

No need to reply really. Just emotional right now!

So sorry for you Dye and Guy...

After I lost my first one I kept my PG's secret until the very last minute as I just couldn't face hearing the astonishing crap that people would come out with. I found support on here much better than in RL, there are some very kind and helpful posters on the MC boards.

you know after it happened I forever bumped into people who said they heard through the grapevine and just wanted to say that they'd had one (two, five) MC/s as well and they know how hard it is and that they were so sorry.
it was actually really nice, because you don't feel alone cand isolated in your grief but others wrap you up in a blanket of love and understanding and carry you through.
and it's like becoming war buddies through the pain.

I'm glad it's helping you Dye
it's fucking horrible right now. it will be for a long time. (beware, people will urge you and rush you to get over it - ignore ignore ignore)

6 years on I can manage my feelings, because the sharp pain of early days do soften. but I think of her every day. and some days I miss her so much I can't breathe.

Agree that there are so many people who have been through it. I am a talker so definitely find it helps.

how are you feeling today?

Awful. Worst day yet. I started a thread about maybe going to hospital but I think I'm on the way back up.

I'll see if I can find your thread.

Just updating here as a place to reflect. No need to reply

So glad I stayed at home on Saturday. Dh was awesome. He looked after me whilst I Took painkillers and watched shit TV. Bleeding carried on. Had a scan yesterday which confirmed everything was out. I have to do a hpt next week. The bleeding has stopped and for the first time I have begin to feel normal. I walked the dog and then made a big decision.

I took the baby stuff we'd accumulated and donated it to 2 different local charities. I feel a bit lighter knowing it has gone. I could have faffed around trying to sell stuff on fb/gumtree but honestly I just needed to get on with it not having to discuss it all with picky buyers.

I feel certain I couldn't have another pregnancy or rather another baby/child. My 2 are lovely. They're playing nicely (for now) as I'm typing. I have loads to look forward to and I'm not sure I'd voice this strongly in RL but I don't want all the baby stage again. It's the uncertainty of pregnancy and the health implications of me and the baby. I Feel too old. Dh doesn't want me to go through it again, although I know he'd support me if I really wanted to try again.

So there it is. I have pg vitamins (unopened) if anyone wants them?? Happy to post x

Aw, bless you!

I am glad you are physically better and that you have arrived at a point of acceptance from which you can go in to a future with your family.

Absolutely no bloody need for pregnancy vitamins here, thank you v much but kind of you to offer.

Wishing you nothing but the very best

It is just "stuff" to me; and the storing of it would be more trouble than just getting it again in the future if we need it.

I think it also signals to the DC that it's over and that we're not hanging on for another baby to arrive.

And I have a name change!

Great name-change!

Yes, I agree with passing things on and getting them out of your house.

Onwards

I'm glad you feel better physically and I hope it is onwards and upwards for you.
it couldn't have been easy to say "that's it then" and well done getting rid of stuff, I admire your strength.

I wish you all the best for the future and in the meantime allow yourself to grieve so you can heal.

and no fekking pg vitamins for me, we are definitely done!

I'm sorry for your loss a personal favourite of mine was "has it come out yet?" And "sometimes women just can't make babies" from my MIL, a former midwife.

Oh Dye, I'm so sorry. People say the stupidest, stupidest things. I miscarried at the age of 40, after years fruitlessly trying to get pregnant. Not good. Yet still, a number of people thought it would be very helpful to inform me that, "It's just as well, there was probably something wrong with the baby" as though that would bring me a sense of relief.

Worse still was when I became pregnant again, then had a bad 20 week scan. I was crying on the phone to a friend, who said, "Oh well, at your age you've got to expect something to go wrong."

And I see you're now Onwards .