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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Unplanned pregnancy now devastaed at miscarriage

5 replies

Needmorechocolate · 16/10/2014 15:30

Hi,

I'm posting this because I just feel so lost and need an outlet for the mass of emotions I am feeling right now. I am hoping that by writing this down I might be able to clear my head a littlle and maybe there are some other ladies out there who can maybe relate?

I am very fortunate to be Mummy to 3 DSs (5,3,1) and in a loving relationship with my OH so before I start writing this I just want to say I really do realise how lucky I am.

We hadnt 100% decided we didnt want more children but we certainly werent actively planning a fourth child and so my pregnancy came as a bit of a shock! When we got the Positive result I started to go through the options in my head but ultimately both me and my OH knew we would want to keep this baby.

Only a few days after the positive result though I just felt like something was wrong - I even text my OH to tell him how paranoid I was feeling. He gave me reassurance and I tried to put the negative thoughts out of my head but then yesterday I started bleeding. Only a little at first but then bright red and as heavy as normal AF. I know its an early miscarriage (or after lots of research this morning, "a chemical pregnancy", which just makes it sound trivial and like it is happening in a laboratory somewhere and not in my body!).

I now just feel devastated. All this has happened so quickly that I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. Part of me is telling myself that I am lucky it has happened so early and not later in the pregnancy and that "things happen for a reason" but I just feel so lost. I wasnt planning ths pregnancy and the thought of another child was really quite scary but now I know I am loosing this baby I would do absolutely anything to keep it. I am crying every time I go to the bathroom and see the blood.

I am so emotional and struggling to keep it under wraps in front of the children. My husband was home briefly yesterday when the bleeding started but he is now away with work until tomorrow and I just really wish he was home because I really need a hug.

I am so sorry for rambling, i just need an outlet for my thoughts right now.

My heart goes out to all of you other ladies on here who have lost your babies.

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ImnotawitchImyourwife · 16/10/2014 19:12

So sorry you are going through this. I wish there was something I could say to take the pain away, but I'm afraid all I can offer is a virtual hug.

Emotional roller coaster certainly seems like an apt phrase for what you've been through and it's no surprise that you are struggling. Don't expect too much from yourself though, it's so hard trying to remain strong in front of DC. Don't beat yourself up if you can't manage it and they see that you are upset. Sometimes adults get sad too and it won't hurt them to see that. If you feel yourself wavering just explain that you are sad and ask for cuddles. It's amazing how much cuddles from DS have helped me through the worst times with my losses and I think he likes to know that he is helping mummy feel better.

Is there anyone nearby who can help you with the children/keep you company until DH comes home? If not then just don't set your expectations of yourself too high. Stick a Disney on and all snuggle up under a blanket. Rest and lots of love are the best medicine Thanks

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Caffeinefiend · 16/10/2014 19:23

Hello there. I actually came on here looking for comfort and it is so odd how your post caught my eye. I'm going through the exact same thing. I have three lovely children (7,nearly 5, 1) and have been on pill since youngest was born as had made up my mind I didn't want anymore. After feeling not myself, decided to take a test on sunday...it was positive. I panicked ( as this would not be an easy time to have a baby due to finances).
Yesterday I started bleeding and it didn't stop. Had a scan booked today and confirmed I am having miscarriage. Even though I was panicking about baby, am now devestated. I'm still bleeding and in pain and a total wreck. Has also left me confused as I thought I had made my mind up.
Just want to let you know I understand how you are feeling.

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Needmorechocolate · 16/10/2014 20:45

Thanks for your replies and the virtual hug :-)

So sorry to hear that you are going through this too caffeine. This last couple of weeks have been so emotionally draining. Cuddles with my little people ths afternoon have helped a bit though. Im still bleeding too but no real pain. Im sending you positive thoughts caffeine and i hope that the physical side of things stops soon. Xx

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echohart · 18/10/2014 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perrinelli · 21/10/2014 18:53

So sorry to hear that you have had to go through this. In June I had an unexpected bfp (2 DDs aged 6 and 3, decided we were done). I had really mixed emotions but got my head round it then a few weeks later found out at a private early scan that I had a mmc. I went on to have the surgical procedure in July. My mum asked if I felt some 'relief' - absolutely not.

For me it highlighted that whilst I've still got reservations and know it's not rationally that sensible, I do want another child. So we tried again straight away and here I am again, 5w now.
I just didn't want to end my childbearing days on a sad note and felt the 'ghost' of a 3rd child would always be there. Once I'd started imagining us as a family of 5 instead of 4 it was hard just to undo that.
Having said that if I hadn't fallen pregnant again easily and if this one doesn't stick I think I'll have to accept it's not meant to be, it's very hard though.

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