Struggling to cope with miscarriage

[Treblerin]

I had a scan last tuesday when was 9 and a half weeks pregnant and discovered my baby had died about a week before I then had a d and c on friday. I can't seem to get over it i can't believe it happened and i can't seem to stop crying. I am getting on with life physically as I have a 16 month old but my head can't seem to move on. Does anyone have any advice on what i can do to feel better in myself? I don't really have any friends to talk to and i don't want to talk to my husband or family because they think i'm ok with it - complicated i know but i feel better that way. thanks

[tribpot]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I don't think you should expect to feel over it yet, and I don't think you should expect dh and family to think you are either, to be honest.

Have no direct experience to share, but just wanted to offer my sympathies. Unfortunately a number of other MNers have been through this recently and I know they will be able to offer good advice.

[Charleesunnysunsun]

So sorry to hear of your loss. There isnt anything you can do honey, your grieving for your child and your 100% normal to do so.

I had 5 m/c's and was the same through all of them but you do need to let your self grieve in your own time and for however long it takes. I know what you ean about not wanting to talk to your partner i didn't want to talk to mine so pretended i was fine but always ended up bawling at him a few weeks later after bottling it up.

Were you offered any berevment counceling? If you really don;t want to talk to any family or friends come on here and chat you can say what you like without feeling embarassed/self concious it does help to let it all out.

[buktus]

it is so hard, i lost a baby in the same sort of way i was 12 weeks the babys heart stopped at 9 weeks, everyone seems to assume that as soon as the d and c is done everything returns tobeing all rosy but you still need to grieve, when mine happened it was my first baby and didnt have anything else to concentrate on but i would try to focus on your little one as much as possible maybe just do things for together, the park or the ducks something to remind you that life has to go on, will you try again - if so you have that to look forward too, it is really difficult for the men as well, they cant seem to understand that although the growing baby was so small it was very much a big part of you, i hope you feel better soon

[Jossie]

Hi Treblerin
You're perfectly entitled to feel as you do-it's a horrible time. I had 2 x DS and had a m/c in April and another in August this year. You need to grieve as you want. After the 1st m/c my MIL said the immortal line of you can always have another baby, I replied that it had taken 1 year to concieve that one, so not necessarily. I haven't seen her since the 2nd m/c but will do on Sunday, If she says anything similar this time I feel like losing it and reminding her that it would have been her grandchild and she would have loved it as much as my other 2 (doubt if I wil have the courage to say it though!)
Don't feel guilty for how you feel, it is difficult as you feel that you have to carry on as usual because of your little one, whereas all you want to do is curl up and hide.
All the people on here will be here for you
Best wishes
Jo

[foundintranslation]

Treblerin, I am very sorry.

I have had three miscarriages, one before conceiving my now also 16 month old, and two (in consecutive cycles) this summer. IME every person's reaction to mc - and even the same person's (i.e. mine) reactions to different mcs - is different. if you feel, and can express, your grief and loss, that is 'good', as strange as that may seem now; you are acknowledging your loss. A mc is a terrible blow, and there is no point at which one 'should' be over it. The best advice I can give you no is to accept whatever you feel as normal and be as kind to yourself as possible.

At some point, it might help you to plant a tree or shrub, or light a candle, in memory of your baby. While I was going through the third miscarriage (we were on holiday at the time) we went to the seaside and I found some beautiful pebbles which I kept to remember my babies by.

Thinking of you.

[tribpot]

FIT, hope you're doing okay.

[beaner07]

Treblerin, so sorry to hear of your loss. I had a mc at the end of Aug, and also have a little one (just over 2yrs) and initially found it very difficult.

Like the others have said you have to give yourself time to grieve, in whatever way you feel most comfortable. You will start to feel better but don't expect too much from yourself too soon.