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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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'Pausing' TTC after early miscarriage

2 replies

PerpetualStudent · 05/09/2014 18:05

Hi everyone,

Not sure what my question is, just need to vent. In July I had an early MC at 6 weeks. We'd starting TTC #1 in April, and it was my first (V brief!)experience of pregnancy.

Physically it was just like a heavy period, though I'm pretty certain I spotted when I 'passed' the lil' bean (sorry if TMI) and although I was obviously upset, I didn't feel too shaken by the experience.

Somehow though, going through the first post-MC period has felt more upsetting - somehow it felt different to other periods, and it was just a bit gutting to be back on the menstrual cycle merry go round.

We had avoiding TTC during that first month, and now my DP has suggested a longer break - we are reaching the final stages of what's been a stressful flat renovation, I'm entering the third year of my PhD (the research council maternity leave was a big draw in TTC in the first place!) and my DP has a busy freelance business. His argument is we have a lot on our plates and he wants a few months of just enjoying our new place and having quality time with just the two of us (not to mention a 'final' few big nights out) before we plough ahead with TTC.

(for reference, he's 31 and I'm 28, so in general we have time on our side I guess)

I do agree with him, I've found the TTC process quite all-consuming, I've struggled with body issues and various things in the past, and it's thrown up a bit of stuff suddenly seeing my body in a new role - and it not doing the 'right' things in that role.

But I still feel sad - for the pregnancy I've lost, for the process of pregnancy and motherhood which I have been looking forward to, not just since we decided to start TTC, but for a really long time - I've always felt strongly about wanting to have a family.

I also feel guilty about my agreement with my DP's suggestion - does this mean I never really wanted to be pregnant in the first place? We had a shared moment of 'Oh f*ck' following the positive test...

Meh, how can such a little thing set of such a big swirl of emotions?

OP posts:
bakingtins · 06/09/2014 09:55

IME everyone has an "oh f*" moment with a positive test, no matter how planned and wanted the pregnancy. You've set in motion a chain of events that you think will change your life forever. Then when that's taken away from you everything changes again and most people need time to grieve for the loss of all their plans, and the potential little person they were already preparing to love. The desperate need to put it right in some way by getting pregnant again is common, but so is the fear of potentially being back in the firing line. If you're not ready to try again at the moment, you're not ready. Time is on your side and if you both want to be parents then you'll pluck up courage to try again after a bit of a break.
After a single MC , your chance of success next time remains at 85%, there is no increased risk of MC in your next pregnancy. In the vast majority of cases everything is fine, but obviously you'll be anxious and there are v supportive pregnancy after miscarriage threads to help you through first trimester.

PerpetualStudent · 11/09/2014 23:29

Thank you Bakingtins Flowers

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