What can I bring when visiting someone after miscarriage?

[MildDrPepperAddiction]

DH will be visiting someone who has had a miscarriage last week and doesn't want to turn up empty handed. What is appropriate to bring? Flowers? What is needed/appreciated at this time?

Thanks

I am going through a miscarriage at the moment.
There is no gift that will make anyone going through miscarriage feel any better. The fact that you are taking the time to visit this person is gift enough. But for me, if I was to have a gift it would be something that would help me to take my mind off things. I went to lunch with my niece and two nephews today which helped enormously as sitting at home with nothing else to think about is torture.

Just tell dh to give her a big hug and to tell her she can talk all she wants about it, hes all ears.
She mite not want to chat but after my mmc in january all i wanted was to talk.. About my emotions, the plans i'd had, how i was going to remember.
A friend who has had numerous mc sent me a card that just said big hugs on the front.
A friend gave my some flowers (which i loved, but i love cut flowers) but it was the thought to buy something that was touching.
My mum bought me a 'lucky bamboo'... She said to bring me look for the next one.
I bought myself a forget me knot bracelet and i hav the 'fingerprint' charms on my pandora so just bought a plain gold star with date on the back.
Tell dh to refer her to these mc threads, they were a lifeline for me in the early days.

I've been more open about them as time has gone on. For the first, I didn't tell anyone but after this last time I don't mind telling people. I've been sent flowers, and friends brought me some wool and needles when I was trapped in hospital. The only thing I would caution against is trashy magazines - all the ones in the hospital were full of celebrity baby and bump photos - that was tough.

Honestly no one visited after either of my miscarriages. Someone taking that time would have meant the world to us. One nurse in hospital this second time threw me. She is the ONLY person who has ever said 'I'm sorry you lost your babies' everyone else used 'had a miscarriage'. That nurse really made me feel she knew all our hopes and plans have gone as well.

I'm probably going against the group a little bit, and as some have said it really depends on how well you know your friend. My mum sent me flowers and a fortum and mason hamper (!) and my dad sent me a lovely jo malone candle. They both live abroad so I think they felt that sending something showed they were thinking of me, and I appreciated all the gifts. None of them made me want to cry any more than I was doing already (a lot!). I'd probably take chocolates and/or a bottle of wine. But without saying "at least you can drink this now!" which one person said to me...

Perhaps something like a little plant, that could be planted out? Not quite the same, but when my nephew died DS wanted to grow something to help him remember. It is now approaching the height of (10yo) DS.

I had a miscarriage in April and wouldn't have wanted flowers or chocolates.

The thing that I was most grateful for was my friend turning up with rolls and nice ham for lunch and a casserole for tea, neither dp or I had bothered much with food so she wanted to make sure we ate.

When I had a mc, I was told to take a pg test a week after, to check the growth hormones had cleared. I found the thought of having to buy one extremely distressing. I am blessed with a very very considerate friend who brought one in her handbag, then, having been in my situation, very gently asked me if I'd taken one. Apart from this, a cuddle and a few tissues would have done.

I've had two miscarriages this year. A good friend who lives at the other end of the country sent me a giant bar of Dairy Milk through the post and it was actually the best thing anyone did for me at the time. Might not be everyone's best option, but for me... I was sick of platitudes and "it'll be OK next time" and head-cocked-to-one-side looks that just getting a massive slab of chocolate land at my door was bang on.

My best mate brought me a big bag of those frozen cocktails. I had had the MVA that day as my body wouldn't let go. It was my birthday. I think flowers or something would have just set me off worse. The cocktails were good though.