MMC and all over the place

[linadee26]

After a little bit of spotting and a scan, it was discovered that I'd had a missed miscarriage a wee past on Friday. I should have been 11 weeks but they said that the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks.

I'm all over the place. After asking to go to theatre finalise things, the pregnancy ended naturally on Tuesday night and I found it so traumatic. I ended up going to theatre anyways as it ended up being incomplete.

My emotions are all over the place. I can go for hours being absolutely fine and then not be.

I have a two year old daughter and my pregnancy with her was completely normal and healthy. I just want to be pregnant again but I'm plagued with negative thoughts now.
I want to start trying as soon as possible but I'm so worried this will happen again.

Has anyone else had a pregnancy loss in their second pregnancy and gone on to have a healthy third?
I know this can happen to anyone but the logical side of my brain appears to be disabled.

I'm sorry this post is all over the place but I'm struggling to keep my thoughts together.
Any advice/experience from people would be appreciated.

I'm so sorry I cant answer any of your questions but I didn't want to read this and not say anything. I know what you're going through. I miscarried last week. Sending love and hugs x

Hi linadee

I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. At 10 weeks we had a scan that showed our bean had stopped growing at 6 weeks (despite having an early reassurance scan at 6 weeks showing a heartbeat). Mmc as my body still thought I was pregnant and showed no signs of miscarryjng naturally.

I had ERPC a week ago today and although physically I feel fine with a little bit of bleeding, I am not coping well today at all. Had a fine weekend but today I've had a mini meltdown.

I was recommended a lovely thread on here for those ttc after mc and it has helped me enormously so would recommend coming across and having a read if nothing else. Such a lovely bunch of ladies who give great advice and a near to listen.

This was my first pregnancy so I can't help with your question but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in feeling up and down.

Fingers crossed it gets easier xx

Thanks OneDay and Vegas - I will try to find that thread you've recommended.

Even though it's only been a week or so, I feel like I should be able to just get on with things but I'm getting so frustrated with myself.
I get annoyed at myself if I feel normal for a second - how could I feel normal? How can I smile and laugh? I ended up going to my friends hen weekend on saturday because I'd been looking forward to it and well, what was the alternative? Wallowing?
I ended up leaving early because I felt so guilty that I was actually having a good time. I just lost it. I had a few drinks and it just felt so wrong - I shouldn't be ALLOWED to be doing this, Im supposed to be having a baby.

I keep being taken aback by the things that set me off -
thinking about what size my bump should be and realising it's not going to happen, looking at scan pictures from my when I was pregnant with my daughter, pictures of my daughter as a newborn make it feel very real - this pregnancy didn't get far, but it was going to be MY baby. That might look like me, or my husband or my daughter.
And then sometimes you just cry and don't even know why.
The midwifes all told me that whatever you feel is normal, but I can't helping wondering how any of this is normal?!

I feel like such a fool. These things happen all the time, but you never think it will happen to you and when it does, it's so awful.

Where do we even start?

Linadee, I'm so sorry for you. I can totally understand your feelings and emotions, I am going through very similar emotions myself. I found out last Thursday Id had a mmc, I should have been 12 weeks, but only got as far as 8 weeks. I'm waiting for things to happen, have to got back next Monday for next steps.

Your feelings are very normal, and I do know that right now it's raw and heartbreaking. I have found keeping myself busy is helping and I'm leaning on DH for emotional support - he has been wonderful. A colleague at work said to me that no matter what anyone says or does, it's probably the one thing. Only you will know what you are feeling. If I want to cry, I'll cry, I will never forget our little one, but equally I know I cannot change what has happened.

I do hope there is hope after a mmc, my pregnancy was a real gift and has left a very empty hole in my life.

Take care of yourself, lean on those close to you.