feeling lost...

[SimplyComplicated]

Just joined the site after searching for online miscarriage support groups and coming across this forum. Suppose I'm really here just to vent and tell my story as so far I have found it near impossible to speak to anyone without breaking down!
So here goes...
Finding out I was pregnant came as a surprise but both myself and OH were delighted and couldn't wait to start a new chapter in our lives together. The weeks passed relatively smoothly, the sickness, tiredness and growing/achy booobs took a side seat to the growing excitement I had due to the idea that I was going to be a mummy! As the scan date got closer I could barely contain my happiness and could not wait to share our news with friends and family and start preparing for our arrival.
Then my world fell apart...
Two days before I was due to go for my 12 week scan I miscarried. I had felt like I had a bit of an upset stomach most of the day and had mild cramps but was putting it down to the possibility of having eaten something a bit dodgy. The cramps got worse in the evening then I suddenly started bleeding very heavily...not wanting to over-share, but it was A LOT of blood. Called the EPU and was told to go straight there. Once there everything was a bit of a blur, I had no idea at what was going on, at the same time as being fully aware that my pregnancy had came to a terrifying and heartbreaking end. Had to have an emergency D&E under only a local anesthetic (most horrific thing I have ever been through) as I was losing so much blood. Finally the bleeding started to ease off to what would be considered a 'normal' period so was allowed home after being kept for observation overnight.
Two weeks have passed and I feel totally crushed, up until now I did not think it could be possible to feel so much hurt and heartache. My OH has been fantastic, but is obviously heartbroken too and we are lucky to both have supportive families to help us through this time. I know it will get easier with time, but right now every day is a struggle. Since we hadn't told people about the pregnancy I am finding dealing with seeing people extremely difficult as I don't want to just casually mention what has happened and how I am feeling when I am asked how I am. Just feel so lost just now and have no clue what I'm supposed to do to deal with this

I'm So sorry you've experienced such a heartbreaking thing, I'm sure someone will be alone a leave the best advice, me and my OH lost our baby on Friday I was 10 weeks like you we lost ours in the EGU/EPU! It's hard but I'm told with time the pain heals.

There's lots of lovely people on this site that who are happy to hear the good an bad an offer words of support, I found this site when looking for support also and it's only been 3 days but I feel supported already.

Again I'm so sorry xxxx

Thank you. Really sorry to hear of your loss too. Just a horrible thing to have to go through and situation to be in. You kind of have an idea of what to expect during your pregnancy and afterwards as it's spoken about and discussed so much, yet for obvious reasons you don't tend to hear many stories of what to expect when things don't go to plan - which I think adds to how difficult you find it and find talking about it!
Like you said though, it will get easier - just have to take things one day at a time xx

Hi there,

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and everything you have been through.

There are lots of lovely ladies on here and helpful treads to remind you that you're not alone.

Feeling lost is perfectly normal and it will take time to have those slightly better days. Just look after yourself and try to get plenty of rest.

Hugs xxxx

Hi Simply

I'm sorry for your loss, i was really sad to hear your story - what a shock.

I agree about it not really being talked about, i certainly never expected it to happen to me, but it's only after coming on here that you see how common it can be.

Thinking of you xx

simply I'm so sorry you lost your baby. It's a horrible thing to go through and can leave you feeling very lost and alone. I'd encourage you to tell people what has happened rather than pretending to be fine. MC is very common, just not spoken about much. I guarantee you'll be amazed how many women you know have been through it at some point. Having somewhere like this helps enormously too.
I found it very helpful to do something to say goodbye. Normally if someone dies there are rituals to help everyone move through the grieving process, with a MC you are mourning for hopes and dreams rather than a person you knew, and apart from you and OH everyone else carries on oblivious. Plant a tree, release a balloon, light a candle, write a letter to the baby, buy a charity gift in memory, choose a piece of memorial jewellery..... I'm sure there are other ideas too.

Thank you all so so much. Would never have imagined that the words of strangers could be so reassuring and comforting, your understanding and caring is very much appreciated. bakingtins I think I am going to take your advice and let people know what has happened and how I am feeling, as I think that keeping it all inside is probably making things worse. I also really like your suggestion of doing something to say goodbye, the idea of a releasing a balloon with a note inside it seems quite fitting with the whole 'getting it out and letting it go' idea so thank you very much for the suggestion

So sorry for your loss, it feels so raw doesn't it x

I found comfort telling the people I wanted to know, they're were brilliant, kept talking to me and kept me sane. Bottling it up would've made me feel even worse. X

Have taken the advice and told a few close friends now about what has happened and they have all been fantastic. Speaking to people in real life now though has however opened wounds that I thought were healing as I have been sobbing uncontrollably on and off for most of the day. Although I have just felt totally empty and lost, I thought I was over the crying stage. Haven't left the house all day and have cancelled plans I had for this evening as I just don't feel up to it. I know 'bad days' are to be expected and this will get easier with time, but today it just feels like I'm never going to get there. Thank you all again for your kindness and support as reading all of your replies does make me feel less alone xx

I totally know how you feel, I was the same. It will ease a bit bit you'll still have days where it hits you all over again. Xxx

Today has been a better day I feel that how I was yesterday was well needed to get out alot of the emotions that I had been keeping inside. Been for a nice lunch and some retail therapy today and for the first time since the night of my MC I can honestly say that I am feeling a lot more like me again. I know I will still undoubtedly have bad days and I will never forget about my baby that I never got to meet, but I now feel that I am starting to get through it and ready to start moving on.

Thank you all so so much again for all your kind words of support, they have really helped me get to the point I feel I am now at xxx