Miscarriage at 10 weeks don't feel real yet!

[Lucie84]

Hi I'm new here!

At 5 weeks I had a small bleed had a scan no baby an HGC level was 52.

Went back at 9 weeks saw baby and heart beat but baby was only measuring 6+4.

10 weeks started lightly bleeding and was ok with it, the doctor said not to worry unless I lost lots of blood! 10+2 heavy bleed lost some clots, I went in the next day for a scan, at 10+3 baby was only measuring 7+1 with no heartbeat.

When they told me my world fell apart I cried most of the day I was booked for a Removable the next day (today), on the way to the hospital I had cramps every few minuets, got to the hospital and needed I thought a poo I felt like I had an upset tummy!

I held it till I was booked in, once on the ward I went to the loo, I started gushing large clots an lots n lots of bleeding all of a sudden, it was so fast an all came at once, the nurse came in the bathroom and wanted to monitor my blood loss, they put me on a bed with pads n it was horrific!
I feel like it was a dream it only took an hour an a half then stopped but I lost around 600ml in that time felt like an ocean!

But all day after all this I've not cried I don't feel low I just feel normal! I'm sad and I'm not "happy" but I don't feel devastated.

I feel guilty for not being an wreck, I'm bleeding lightly now and feel drained but I'm generally okay.

Deep down I think I haven't accepted the baby gone an that I'm still pregnant, non of it seems real it feel like a night mare, how do I come to terms an convince myself my baby has died and in no longer there! I've seen scans of my empty womb before I left the hospital and I know it gone but I'm not sure I believe myself!

Any answers would be great!

This is my 1st miscarriage xx

What a stressful time for you.
I'm so sorry it was so prolonged, I had a similar experience, a mmc at 9 weeks following a hb at 8.
Medical management twice then an erpc to remove my womb lining.
I think a sense of unreality is our minds way of shielding us from traumatic experiences.
Does your hospital have a women's counselling service?
I had counselling and it helped me to process my feelings.
I now have a 6 month old ds, I call him my miracle baby.

Lucie I'm so sorry you've lost your baby. It sounds like it was a very physically shocking experience, I'm not surprised it is taking a while to come to terms with what happened. Often your body goes into survival mode and you can't process any of the emotional side until you feel safe. Your hormones are likely to come crashing down in the next few days so please be very kind to yourself and make sure you have some support around for that time.
However, how you feel is how you feel, there is no right or wrong way to deal with a loss. From bitter experience I'd say don't try to suppress any emotions that do come up or they will bite you on the bum later - if you are sad let yourself cry, if you are angry have a rant, but if you feel ok that's fine too.
I have found it enormously helpful to have somewhere like this forum to express how I was feeling, and also to do something to say goodbye to or commemorate the baby. One of the difficulties in dealing with a MC is it's a hidden grief. If you choose to speak about it you will probably be surprised how many women have experienced a loss but it's a bit of a taboo and you are supposed to be all stiff upper lip about it. There are also none of the normal rituals surrounding a death that help people to grieve. Every life, however brief, matters and deserves to be acknowledged in some way.

Take care and keep posting

Hi again.
I was very drained afterwards, our bodies need time to recover.
No one told me my boobs would hurt from shrinking!
The miscarriage association is fantastic. A wonderful helpline for me to talk on.
Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to recover physically and emotionally.
I got pg with ds 3 months later, to say I had an anxious pregnancy is an understatement!

I totally agree with bakingtins.
I told many people I had mc and many people told me it had happened to them.
You r not alone.
I keep telling myself that my little Clare-Mala was very ill and too ill to survive, so I had time to conceive DS.
I was 40 when I mc.
Had ds at 41.

You still have those pregnancy hormones rushing round your body. It'll take a while for them to drain away. Give yourself time to recover from this and look after yourself, it took me weeks before I felt like I could get on with things as a newly 'non pregnant' woman. If you can have time off work to sleep and rest and eat well, take it. I'm sorry for you, its a strange time but you will gradually start to feel ok again.

Sorry for you loss and for the hard times you've been through.

It takes a while for things to sink in and if you're anything like me you'll find you feel different every day.A miscarriage is a bit of a roller coaster but it does get easier and I'm sure someday soon you will be having a baby and this will be a bit of a distant memory.

In the meantime try to take plenty of time to relax, watch nice films and eat lots of yummy food.

Hugs xxx

Hi everyone thank you for all your kind words! Today I took my son 4 to the park my mum an sister joined it was nice to have a little "normal" in my life!

I've started bleeding quite heavy and I'm very nervous I will gush like when in the hospital!

I'm still feeling much the same an having trouble sleeping! I had nightmare after nightmare last night an managed a few hours rested all morning! I have been crying if I need to which is nice to feel emotion if that makes sense?

The pain is still pretty bad in my tummy going to have a hot bath tonight an a glass of wine to relax an get an early night!

I will keep you all updated its nice to have others that understand how I'm feeling! I find it hard talking face to face with people I feel like I would get that "sorry look" which I can't stand! I want people to treat me normally an if I need to talk listen!

I'm feeling angry at little things but still feel pregnant!

How long do the hormoans take to drop back to normal I think things will come to a head then but I hope I'll be able to come to terms with it then

Thanks again I don't feel so alone anymore xxx

Hi Lucie,

Glad you're coping and that you've been out today. Getting out does do the world of good! Just make sure you're prepared with maternity pads when you do head out.

Hormones take about a month I've found. I miscarried (for the second time this year) about 3 weeks ago and things are slowly starting to settle. Morning sickness is still there but it's not as strong and boobs are going back to normal (ish) now.

Hang in there and stay positive. You are going to feel a bit better every day.

XxX

Hi again,

I'm cramping real bad all afternoon now it's feeling like the sharp short pains I was getting before I had the gush! Every 30 seconds! I'm passing some small clots but I'm scared I'm going to gush or something's wrong!

The doctor said I would get period pains but this is something else!

I'm starting to feel really afraid of the whole situation, like I'm losing control!

I'm so sorry you have all had to experience this it's like a bad dream I can't wake up from xxxx

Do u have any painkillers?
Yup, I know what you mean about crying.

Yeah I had some tramodole bad spelling left over from an op I had a while ago but there not doing anything!

I've got a tilted womb all the pains is in my lower back an hips! I was sleeping an the pain woke me I think I panicked an wrote on here before I had a chance to calm down… pains is still bad but I'm calmer than I was.

The whole thing is so scarey an nobody warns you how bad it is I feel totally mislead into the whole situation!

It is a scary time, esp as we're left on our own to cope, in that we're not in hospital with strong painkillers, like morphine!
Try speaking with the miscarriage association. I phoned them every day for 2 weeks, I felt awful after I mc and had no one to talk with in real life. My mum cried so she was as upset as me!

Lucie hope you are ok and managed to get some sleep. It's a real problem that doctors/EPUs are not totally honest how awful a MC can be physically. It's horrible that on top of losing their baby women often feel unprepared and frightened during the process. Please do feed back to them that it is not 'a heavy period' and that they do patients a disservice by not being realistic, when you feel strong enough.

The physical pain can be horrendous!
I wanted to call an ambulance to give me morphine.

I hardly slept again! The pain was so bad last night I took pain killers every time I could but nothing seemed to work! I calmed myself down an hearing all your views helps me feel like everything that's happening is normal and ok!

I'm going to speak to the doctor when I go back in two week to make sure I've passed everything on my own an tell them they can't tell people it's a "heavy period" I've had heavy periods all my life but I've never felt anything like this! I'm so cross they are so bluntly lying to poor women like ourselfs who don't know what is REALLY coming our way!

The pain is still pretty bad I'm going to see my GP to see if they can give me something to stop the pain at night I need to sleep but can't if it's not pain it's nightmares or visions that I have to open my eyes as I don't want to see that stuff anymore!

I'm very angry at the world but still not upset or sad! Thank you everyone who reasured me it means A LOT just to hear I'm ok an it's normal amount of pain!

I'm going to ring the miscarriage assoisation none of the medical professionals have made me aware of this or any councling service I can get support from so thank you for that also!

I hope this is all over soon not sure how much more I can take xxx

Take one minute, one hour at a time.
I totally agree, totally not a heavy period!

I hope the pain starts to ease for you very soon. X

Hi everyone,

I got some sleeping aids from the pharmacy yesterday, well worth it I slept for 12 hours!

The pain is still bad as Is the bleeding got a GP appomient today going to ask for some stronger pain killers.

At the hospital they said I can't use tampons anyone know I this is true? Would be nice to have the extra protection while out and while sleeping!

I'm still felling pretty low but not cried much an still not sure if I have fully accepted what's happened! Going to bring It up with my GP today maybe they can help…

Overall I'm getting used to whats to come an I think/hope I'm over the worst of the bleeding an pain 3 days after it started it is like a really heavy period, the pain is still pretty bad and I'm exhausted staying home for a few days to give me a chance to. Rest an catch up with what's been happening fingers crossed I start to come to terms with being not pregnant anymore.

Thank you all for being so caring, makes me feel like I have a support network :)

Lucie xxx

I had a doctors appomient today, they looked over my blood test I had while I was having my MC at the hospital, my blood count is low blood pressure is a little low, she said my tummy was still tender an a little hard not sure what that means but she said I needed to rest more, she won't give me stronger pain relief as I'm classed as "unstable" emotionly! So I just have to stick with co-codomal an paracetamol!

An no your can't use tampons due to risk of infection!

My DS is playing up the past few days his behaviour is unpredictable and frustrating! Been spending lots of time with him but he's not himself!

I turn 30 in 2 weeks everyone wants to make plans but I think I'm going to let this birthday pass I'm feeling very low tired and I have no motivation I'm normally busy like to be out lots but have hardly moved off the sofa today! I've taken in what's happened I'm still not crying but feel a bit hopeless.

In still bleeding and losing little but of "debris" the liver looking material still getting small clots, the pain is like strong period pains now which is better thank before, I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself today!

I'm v tired so apologies for not replying more fully.
Please give yourself time to recover emotionally and physically, can take a few months.
I also had v low blood pressure afterwards.
Fingers crossed you are slowly stopping bleeding soon.

Hi Lucie,

I'm sorry you're having such an awful time. Take it easy, get hugs wherever you can and just be gentle with yourself.

I found out I'd had a mmc 2 days before my 30th. Not the best birthday I've ever had. I've just told everyone we're too busy at the minute and made plans for a couple of months time, so everyone can have a booze up and I can cope with it better. Maybe an idea?

FWIW, it's been 4 weeks for me and my blood pressure is still low - never had problems with blood pressure before in my life. Hopefully it'll settle soon.

So… I'm feeling better in body just a crappy period now, I hate not being able to use a tampon! Pads are rubbish!

My tummy is not tender to touch, I'm still exhausted but not sleeping great either! My emoticons are surfacing now, I've starting to come to terms with what's happened, I'm extreamly tearful n just want to stay in bed all the time!

My house is a mess, I've got piles of dirty washing, I just can't bear to do it my mums taking my DS out after he finishes nursery I think I'm going to tackle the mess then maybe it not being a pig sty might make me feel better! I've taken this week off work my OH can't get the time off so I'm on my own in the mornings which in finding hard.

Feel a bit like I've finished swimming the ocean, now I've got the climb a mountain! I got over the physical side of my MC now I've got to deal with my emotions!

I've been a little snappy with my DS! He slaped me this morning an said "bad mummy" I think he understands something is wrong but can't express himself! Spoke to his nursery they said he started two fights on Friday with two different children! He's normal such a caring little boy but has become so aggressive!

I think I'm just going to not celebrate this birthday! I feel to raw to celebrate anything!

Lucie x