just miscarried feeling alone

[sammiesh84]

Hi I had a miscarriage yesterday and even though I have a very supportive husband and family I have never felt so alone! I have a beautiful 2 and a half year old who I love dearly and I'm so grateful for and I'm trying so hard to be brave for her but can just see myself staring into space when she is trying to talk to me . people keep asking are u okay but I don't know what to say to them to be honest I don't feel like I want to talk to anyone who is close to me. Just after some advice How I can get through this please X

Holding your hand. You aren't alone.

I had a miscarriage at the start of April and have a DD just turned 2. I had days of feeling flat and dull and sad even after the worst was over - but it's important to remember hormones are changing, it can give you huge swings in mood and energy levels.

It is natural and for me, it levelled out within a few days. I did still feel exhausted and run down for a good week after, though - taking it easy really is important, I was physically shattered afterwards and taking the time to rest really helped.

I have no idea how to handle the emotional side of things long term, myself, as I was able to accept rationally that this baby was not meant to be, but I struggle with accepting that DD might be an only child. I feel I owe it to her to keep trying, but DH is not keen to go through the trauma again so soon.

Going to the GP and having a good cry really helped, though - having someone say to me, it's ok to cry and it's important to grieve, was like someone giving me permission to cry and I felt much better after that. Up till then is been crying privately or feeling guilty if I showed I was upset in front of DD.

Hope this helps - there are so many good kind MNners on this board, it really did help me to be here.

sammie I'm v sorry you lost your baby. It must all be terribly raw, and your hormones will be all over the place. It does get better. I hate the question "are you ok?" when it's patently obvious you are not. I'd be honest and say no. People really struggle to know how to help, they'd probably be glad to entertain your child for an hour or cook you a meal if you gave them a practical suggestion. It's hard when you have to put on a brave face for your DC, make sure you do get time without them when you can rant and wail if you need to. I found it very helpful to do something to say goodbye, one of the problems with MC is it's often a hidden grief with no rituals to help you move through it.
You're far from alone.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

I found the first few days especially tough and I just wanted (or did) cry most of the time. I don't know whether you work but if you do and you don't feel that you want to go in at the moment then you would be able to get a sick note. If you choose you don't have to give the real reason.

Be kind to yourself.

So sorry for your loss. I miscarried at the end of April and felt very much as you describe - very distant from everyone, including my dc, and like I just wanted to shut myself away. I found that as the days went by I gradually felt more like myself again and found comfort in my dc - it will get better, but it takes time. I should have been 12 weeks yesterday, so had a bit of an off day, but otherwise it feels like it happened ages ago even though it is actually only 3 weeks.

It just takes time, I promise. I've been where you are twice. Allow yourself to stare into space or whatever. Your DD won't remember so don't feel bad. I felt the need to be alone but also felt alone. It's a confusing, emotional, awful time but you will get out the other end. Sorry for your loss.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.

I have suffered two mc this year and it's hard but it does get a bit better in time. The hormones of those first weeks are just awful.

Give yourself plenty of space and time and ask family and friends for help. You'll be amazed how kind people can be.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

Hugs xxx