I can't talk to anyone in rl, I'm supposed to have had my 2 weeks off work, bled a light flow for that whole time and then a second scan to confirm it was complete and no need for Erpc.
Except.
On Saturday (9 weeks after I started bleeding and it was a mmc so likely 14 weeks at least according to scan lady after baby stopped growing) I was on the second day of a red bleed, I guess first proper period, and when I pulled tampon out there was a huge lump on it, I lifted it off and it was like a prawn, all curled up, fat but all blackened at the thin end. I know it was the fetus and can't stop crying. I cried and cried and then flushed it down the loo after an hour of just holding it, I kissed it and flushed it away.
My DH wouldn't even look at it, he held me when I cried and I was holding it but I don't think he understands the shock, I feel so crap, I'm on the verge of tears so much since it happened, I had made peace with everything but had been feeling bloated and crap since the miscarriage itself started, or the bleeding, and was only confused because I hadn't yet had a period. 9 fucking weeks later. And it was a mmc, they said it should have been 11 weeks and measured 7. So my body clung on to it until 20 weeks before expelling it. I have been thinking it wad all over, all complete, for the last 7 weeks since bleeding stopped.
I am just so feeling crap, I shouldn't but I have had wine and DH out so am just in feeling sorry for myself. I have a gp appt next week but what can I even say? I know what it was, I just need some sort of closure. I fucking wish I'd had an Erpc, I was told better for it to happen naturally and then was told it had when it clearly hadn't.