I am new here so please excuse the ramblings...
My oh and I have been trying for a baby for about 18 months. I got pregnant around June last year but had an MC at 11 weeks. Amazingly I got pregnant again 2 months later. After a couple of bleeding scares early on our 12 week scan confirmed a heartbeat.
At our 20 weeks scan we were told that our little boy had mild to moderate ventriculomegaly. This obviously scared the life out of us but the consultant said that she couldn't see any other problems with him but referred me to have an MRI scan on the baby's brain.
The week after we went back to see if the fluid levels in his brain had gone down/up/stayed the same and they had actually gone down a tiny bit. Everything seemed ok until the consultant received the results of the MRI. it showed he had agenesis of the corpus callosum and the left hemisphere of his brain hadnt developed properly. She called the neurologist who said that the chances of him being severely disabled/brain damaged were pretty much certain and his quality of life extremely poor. That's when the bottom fell out of our world.
We made the decision to end our little boys life early to prevent him from misery and suffering. As awful a decision as it is, I am confident I am doing the right thing.
Tomorrow I am going in to have him and this being my first experience of any form of labour I am utterly terrified. I am terrified of the whole process, seeing my baby and having to deal with the after effects physically and emotionally.
I don't know whether I am asking for advice or just want to get this down somewhere but I am so scared and feel angry that this is happening to me.