So I had the first missed miscarriage at 11.5 weeks 10 months ago, alone, away from home, 4 weeks after my grandfather died. It turned out to have been an empty sac that had stopped growing at 7 weeks.
Second miscarriage was twins, only 9 weeks pregnant this time, on the way to my father in law's funeral, having had the scan confirming two blighted ovums the day after he died.
Got pregnant again, was sure it was another blighted ovum, but there was a heartbeat at 7 weeks, cried floods of tears in the EPU when I found out. Cried again at the perfect 12 week scan. Again when the nuchal results came back as 1in 2,500. Finally began to relax a little at 16 weeks and started to tell people.
Then came a huge bleed one night after dinner at 16+5. I had had a placental abruption and my son was gone. The staff at the maternity unit said it would have been very quick. Sent me home having taken a pill and told to come back in 36 hours when they would induce labour. I ended up going into labour very early the next morning and delivering him in our bathroom at home. The doctor who manually removed my placenta when I got to hospital unfortunately didn't scan to check it was all gone and after 3 weeks of pain and bleeding, I had my first ERPC. This Thursday I am due to have my 3rd.
And I now feel like a terrible person because we heard tonight that my DH's friend's wife has given birth to a son, due the same time as our twins would have been due. I just cried when I heard. We also heard today when our son's cremation is happening. I sincerely am very glad that all went well for them and they have their beautiful son, I just want mine too. All my lost babies.
I am writing here as I need to vent, it's been a shit 11 months. Though I am still trying to focus on my blessings, my beautiful DD and DH.
Thank you for reading my story, it helps to let it out.