Lovely SiL is 12 wks today. And I want to vomit with envy.

[SoMuchFruit]

I do. I feel so ashamed of myself.

MC on 24th Dec. Was told we could try again straight away but was only ready to do so at the end of January. Cycle was a bit mental anyway. First normal 30day cycle was only just last week so we were only half hearted about it all before now anyway but still.. a had a nano-second of thrilled for her followed swiftly by crippling mixture of envy and shame.

Obviously, to her I am super-happy for her, which I am on some level.

Am I evil ? Anyone else feel like this ?

Yes, when I had a MC and my friend announced she was pregnant. It took every ounce of strength but I bought her a bunch of flowers and some babygros and painted on my best smile. When I fell pregnant 4 months later I was so glad I'd behaved how I did, sort of like I had nothing to be ashamed of. I think it would have probably defined the rest of our relationship if I had shown my true feelings. Its so hard. I really do understand. You're only human.

I remember that feeling very well. I sat in a car park screaming tears once because a friend was pg and I was horribly mcing.

But a very helpful and kind friend pointed out that she wasn't having my baby. Also, that I didn't want her baby anyway.

It helped to remember that there isn't a fixed quota of live births per year. She isn't taking your chance.

and though because it is a horrible feeling.

I know, you feel terrieble that you feel that way...
I'm just sending a birthday message to my sister with tears streaming down my face because she is 2 years younger yet my niece (who I love to bits!!!) is 3 this year...

You are not evil. It is totally normal to feel this way. I know I was overwhelmed with jealousy when pregnancies were announced when I was suffering with infertility and miscarriage. Many other women have told me similar stories.
You have to be kind to yourself and protect yourself.
Avoid facebook and minimise time spent with pregnant friends/family.
The feelings won't always be so raw, you will feel better able to face them but not yet. Give yourself plenty of time.