Guessed i was pregnant on holiday at christmas and was over the moon - as was partner. Had flu and was then floored by morning sickness. Breasts ballooned and were tender and was tired, constipated, bloated. Tested around 7 weeks - positive. Saw GP who referred me to maternity and treated uti that i didnt know i had. And then the wait for dating scan began. Nausea improved(but didnt go away) at 9 weeks and at 11 breasts were no longer tender (thought that was odd) but scan was in a few days so waited.
Was totally shocked to hear at scan there was only a gestational sac and it was probably only 6 weeks. Didnt ask anyhing at the time but didnt understand how I could have felt pregnant. Felt numb. Tried to tell myself ho common it is, that at least it was early etc but cant control the grief. Crying randomly - it just happens. Due another scan in a weeek. Yesterday started bleeding a little and passed a small piece of something greyish with minimal cramping. I know it may pass on its own or i may need a procedure. I know whats happening but i cant believe it. Struggling to get on with things - even getting out of bed is a chore. Mostly i feel numb and then out ofnowhere come the tears.
Partner is trying to be supportive but doesnt understand. To him it is sad but over. To me, this is probably the third time i was pregnant - had a termination when partner was going through mental health problems and couldnt cope (at the time it seemed the right thing to do, i know i cant turn back the clock), and had similar symptoms at 6 weeks but as i twigged and before i could test i passed something greyish and bled heavily. We were both so excited this time - i just cant believe it. I feel as if someone has played a cruel trick on us.
Not sure what made me write this but feeling very vulnerable. Please be kind