Miscarriage at 19 weeks!

[MrsChocolateCupcake]

Hello,
My first post on mumsnet (I use another baby forum but it's very quiet)
I sadly lost my little boy at 19 weeks on the 4th of December, I think I am dealing with it pretty well but still have the outburst's of crying, I think about him every day and miss him terribly, I have focused myself on TTC again both me and hubby feel that we have this massive hole in our hearts and I am desperate for another baby, I have my follow up on the 10th of Feb with a consultant, I am just wondering what to expect really, We didn't have a autopsy (I felt it was too cruel)! They did send some of the cord and my placenta off for testing. So I know I am going to get limited answers on the 10th, but just so I can kind of prepare yourself, This is my first and old pregnancy so will they offer me extra care next time I get that BFP?

Thanks for reading sorry if it seems jumbled!

[MrsChocolateCupcake]

I forget to add that I have had a period since my miscarriage.
(Sorry couldn't find and edit button)

[MerryMarigold]

So sorry to hear about this. This happened to a friend of mine and it is so devastating. My friend needed a stitch in her cervix. Some hospitals don't do it though. It took losing another baby before she swapped to a hospital which did. Bear this in mind to ask about.

[MerryMarigold]

(Oh, and she now has a gorgeous baby girl - after the stitch).

[MrsChocolateCupcake]

Thank you for replying MerryMarigold, The stitch was mentioned in the hospital at the time but was just a passing comment, I have googled it since and think that I would benefit from it next time, Even for peace of mind, I am hoping they will offer it at my hospital because they are the one's that mentioned it, If not we are wondering if you can go private and have it done.

I am so pleased that your friend has a gorgeous baby girl! It's so nice to hear about positive stories.

[MerryMarigold]

There may be another nhs hospital which offers it. They just changed hospitals, but I was so cross with the hospital who wouldn't do it .

[MrsChocolateCupcake]

Yes I am not surprised we have a few local hospitals to where we are so hopefully one of them will do it :)! Although the hospital I was under was fantastic and I can't praise them enough so I am sure they will offer it.

Can I ask if that was your friends first miscarriage? I have read on google several thing's that they will only act after 3 miscarriages? and other thing's google is not your friend when your googling thing's like this

[MerryMarigold]

I don't know all of it, but I know she had 3 before her baby girl, all I think due to the stitch not being there. They never had a 'reason'. The last one was the latest, which was around 20 weeks. Then they moved hospitals. She spent most of her last pregnancy in bed.

[MrsChocolateCupcake]

Ah okay thank you! Yes think the stitch from reading requires some bedrest.. I am so pleased she has her baby girl and has given me some confidence that I too will have my baby :)

[Only1scoop]

Mrs Chocolate....so very sad to hear of your loss and I can relate to how you are feeling.
We had a recent MMC at 17wks and still feel the need to find a reason. All natural reactions I'm sure.
I'm not sure about the follow up as still awaiting mine. I guess we are looking for answers/reasons to help us with our losses. I hope your appointment helps you to move forward at this awful time.
Wishing you strength and thinking of you

[MrsChocolateCupcake]

Thank yo Only1scoop, I am very sorry to hear about your recent loss also, It's such a heartbreaking time, But yes I guess I am still looking for a reason but also know that I probably will never get one, I am hoping so the consultant I am seeing was so lovely and really felt that she cared.
Thinking about you also x

[jellybeans]

Hi I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby at 20 weeks (chorioamnionitis/incompetent cervix) and also at 23 weeks (rare chromosome disorder) as well as early losses. I had a post mortem on one as couldn't bear not knowing. She was totally healthy which i found a nightmare to come to terms with, i was desperate for a 'reason' but there was none other than me simply going into labour too early.
I was followed up in the next pregnancy and diagnosed with IC and had an emergency stitch at 21 weeks and carried to term,pretty much on bedrest-took it very easy.I also was positive for lupus anticoagulant which causes late losses so had to inject with heparin. Every day am grateful for my subsequent babies and so glad i found the strength to try again despite the odds (mine were high as to both conditions and other health issues i have). Thinking of you all the best x

[MrsChocolateCupcake]

Thank you for sharing Jellybeans - I am sorry to hear about your losses :( But glad you found the strength to continue, I will ask about this stitch at my appointment deff - I seriously think I have an incompetent cervix and just went into labour too early, When I arrived at the hospital at 04:00 (After being in a+e) I was fully dilated and had been having aches and pains all day the previous day.

[cluxy]

So sorry to hear this. We lost our little girl at 19 weeks, and like you we couldn't go through with the autopsy either, and I went through weeks of regret wishing I had etc. When I had my follow-up appointment, the consultant said following on from all the other tests they could find no reason for it, and said not to beat myself up about not going for the autopsy as the results could still have been inconclusive even if we had gone through with it. He said that he sees women who have lost babies at full-term and sometimes they don't even find a reason then, which must be awful. He did say that next time there would be extra care - an extra scan, diabetes check, and as I already have a DS via EMCS, they would likely give me a c-section too. He actually wrote a letter to my doctor, and sent a copy to me, outlining the extra care plan, so that when/if I eventually get pregnant again, it will all be in my notes.

I hope your appointment goes well for you, and you get some answers.

[Pawprint]

Oh how absolutely tragic. I'm so sorry.

I don't know what the docs will advise. With first trimester miscarriages, you have to wait until you have had three in a row before they investigate possible underlying causes. However, given the fact that your baby boy was 19 weeks, I expect they will monitor you carefully in a subsequent pregnancy. That depends, I guess, on whether they find any reasons for his tragic death.

So sorry - be kind to yourself. Keep crying and talking - it does help.

[MrsChocolateCupcake]

Cluxy - I am sorry to hear about your little girl but thank you for sharing, I have no thoughts that we shoukd have had the autopsy it just didnt feel right and like you said it might actually not tell you anything anyways I just couldnt bear the thought if him going threw tgst he was perfect visually I am 99.9% sure its down to cervical incompetence. But glad you will get support for your future pregnancies, I hope that this will be the same for me.

Pawprint thank you for commenting I am hoping thst they will montior me more closely but didnt want to set my heart on it if you see what I mean, you maybe right because its a second tri loss it msy be diferent too having 3 un a row, I will keep you updated whst my consultant says, I do hope they will offer me this stitch