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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Struggling after MMC

14 replies

kirinm · 25/01/2014 14:08

Hi, I'm fairly new to this forum although have been lurking since I found out I was pregnant in November.

I have one DC aged 17, have had 1 ectopic and 2 very early miscarriages. This pregnancy felt very different, I had an early scan at 6 weeks and saw baby in the right place and the heartbeat. I started spotting on Tuesday night and Thursday went to the EPU and had a scan which showed baby and stopped growing after 9 weeks.

I opted for an ERPC as frankly the alternative options scared me - I don't think I'd emotionally have been able to go through it.

So I had the ERPC yesterday, I was really upset but it went fine. I'm not in any physical pain and the bleeding is light. My problem is my emotional state. With all my other losses they were so early that I'd never really got used to the fact I was pregnant before they started going wrong whereas with this one, I was 11 weeks and was starting to feel confident, really excited and telling people.

I feel devastated and can't stop crying. I've silent the last two months constantly thinking about having a baby and now I have nothing. I feel real loss and don't know what to do.

Yesterday I was given quite a few drugs so was a bit out of it and I wish I had that option today. Is this normal? I don't want to see or speak to anyone and want to hide. Does this feeling last long?

I'm being referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic so we won't start trying again until then. I half wish we could to distract me.

OP posts:

Pawprint · 25/01/2014 15:33

So sorry for all your losses :(. I've had four m/cs (5th preg was successful and I have one ds) and they were awful :(

Take care

Purplefrogshoe · 25/01/2014 15:46

I'm so sorry kirin I felt the same way, just wanted to hide away from the world, you need time to grieve for your baby but it does get better I promise you. Take care of yourself

Cirsium · 25/01/2014 15:49

So sorry for your loss. I had a mmc last march (found out at 12 week scan) and was devastated. Be kind to yourself, it is such a shock and bewildering feeling to begin with. Like you I had got used to being pregnant and was really looking forward to being a mum. I spent a week just pottering around in a daze and crying lots and then went back to work which was hard, but at least gave me a routine and focus. It has got easier though I often still think about our baby and what would have been. Just take it a day at a time and don't be afraid to feel whatever you need to. There are also lots of support groups like SANDS around, your local EPU will be able to advise and may have their own counselling service.

Original poster

kirinm · 25/01/2014 18:04

Thank you. I don't know what to say really. Life just feels very different at the moment and it's going to take some time to get used to. Thanks again.

OP posts:

miserywaterfall · 25/01/2014 19:42

Hi kirin

I experienced a mmc this week, went to 12 week scan only to find no heartbeat and baby had gone at 9 weeks one day. Scan was Tuesday and I was booked in for ERPC on Thursday which also went well. In a way I was hoping to feel out of it physically for longer, so I had physical pain to distract me from the mental and emotional pain, but I feel fine physically today, other than pain which I am managing with painkillers.

I am jumping from numb to tears and sobbing every day. If you want to talk more, let me know. This forum has been such a help to me this week. xx

Kasterborous · 25/01/2014 22:02

So sorry for your losses kirinm I think finding out like that is awful. We had an early miscarriage, then,with my second pregnancy it was like with yours. We had an early scan at nine weeks as I'd had some spotting and everything was fine. We went for our dating scan on 21st December (back in 2007), to find our baby had died just after our last scan. We were heartbroken, and cried for weeks, not constantly but it took a good couple of months to start feeling better. I had an ERPC on the Christmas Eve and had to stay in overnight because I was ill. It was the lowest point of our lives. It's such a cruel way to find out. We went on to have a further four early miscarriages but that one was the worst.

How you are describing as feeling is perfectly normal, there are no answers as to how long it will take you to start feeling better. All I can say is go with how you feel day by day. If you feel like crying do, it can still hit you months and years down the line. I still think about the babies we lost. It's always there with you but in time it's at the back of your mind not the front. I hope you find some answers in the early miscarriage clinic and so sorry once again.

Feel free to pm me if you want to talk

Original poster

kirinm · 26/01/2014 17:59

I'm so sorry to see so many of you have also experienced this. It is truly a devastating experience.

I'm feeling very low today. Just bursting into tears all the time. My boyfriend is being good although I sometimes think he thinks I should be a bit more together than I am at the moment.

Urgh. I hate waking up and realising I'm no longer pregnant. I hope this gets better. Thanks for your responses x

OP posts:

jazzyjenbo · 26/01/2014 18:06

I have also had a MMC this week and had medical management on Wednesday.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've been posting on another mmc thread and have found the support invaluable as i come to terms with my loss.

I have set up a secret fb group which gives us mums another outlet to chat, make friends and move forward but more personally as we will know the 'real persons' identity.

If anyone would like to be added please PM me your real names and I can add you. X x x

Cirsium · 26/01/2014 19:50

My husband struggled with how emotional I was too, i think although he was excited about the pregnancy the baby had been much more real to me and I cried far more and for far longer than him. Hormones settling down takes a while too. I found it really helpful to be open with close friends about how I was feeling and did lots of reading MMC forums. It is still such early days for you, just be kind to yourself, it will get better.

Kasterborous · 26/01/2014 21:20

That's a really good idea jazzy I wish I'd known about Mumsnet when I had my miscarriages. I'm one of the lucky ones, after six miscarriages we had our DD who is nearly two.

So sorry to hear you have been through this too.

jazzyjenbo · 26/01/2014 21:51

Thanks kaster, i've got 2 dc's already 3 & 18mth so really didnt see this mmc coming, suppose u take it for granted when u havnt had issues before, i wont b that complacent if there is a next time.

Original poster

kirinm · 29/01/2014 10:49

I had a reasonably good day yesterday insofar as limited crying however the same cannot be said today. I dreadfully miss being pregnant. I miss counting down the days until I reach another milestone. I miss my boobs aching, waking up feeling sick and being so tired I go to bed at 9pm.

I can't bring myself to speak to anyone. I dread the thought of going to work and I am so clingy with my boyfriend. I feel like I need to make a drastic change in my life because it will give me something else to think about. It's 5 days since the ERPC. Anyone know when this desperation will end?

OP posts:

NewJobNewLife · 29/01/2014 12:40

I am also miscarrying my baby. I started bleeding at nearly 9 weeks and started medical management yesterday after waiting a week to see if the bleeding got heavier on its own (it didn't).

I am swinging from being fairly normal to sobbing uncontrollably. Things keep surprising me, like I pick up the holiday brochures for the summer and realise I am no longer planning a holiday that's suitable for my pregnancy as well as my children. We're in the process of buying a new car, and now I don't know if we really need three seats along the back. Things that seem like tasks to keep me occupied and my mind off the miscarriage are riddled with reminders :(

I rang the miscarriage association on Monday to talk through what my options were likely to be if I didn't want to continue with natural management. I found them to be very straight talking while sympathetic. They had a lot of information and pointed me to their website (www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk) where there are lots of information leaflets that helped me believe my reactions are normal. In particular there is one about feelings, which I found helpful.

I think it is normal to mourn the loss of our babies and to mourn the loss of the things we thought we'd be doing now and in the future. If the depression is so heavy it stops real life from continuing then I would seek help from your GP, but if it is manageable alongside real life, then I think it is just a horrible process we need to get through. I guess it feels to me like I need to balance my need to grieve and be sad with the need to keep life on the road for me/DH/family.

Take care of yourself, and I am sorry there are so many of us in the same boat :(

jazzyjenbo · 29/01/2014 16:58

If any of you want to talk a little more personally and openly with girls who have had mc or mmc in the last few weeks please pm me and i can add you to a fb group i've set up.. Its giving us more freedom to stare pics, get to know each other etc.. The group is private, cannot be searched for and ur friends will not know ur a member.

So sorry to hear of another angel gone to soon x x

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