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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Still crying at anything

14 replies

DoctorDonnaNoble · 21/01/2014 06:16

MC'd December 13 th. Went back to work (school) on the Monday. It was too much and had the next day off. Did rest of the term and start of this. But... I'm so sad. I cry at anything and it all just feels so difficult. I'm such a failure.

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Ruggle · 21/01/2014 09:59

Were you offered counselling ? You aren't a failure!

I had 2 weeks off after my mmc and it wasn't enough...and I also cried at everything. It's partly sadness and partly hormones...but it does get better.

x

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DoctorDonnaNoble · 21/01/2014 10:25

No wasn't offered counselling.

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Armadale · 21/01/2014 10:28

I'm so sorry to hear about your MC.

It is still very early days, both emotionally and also I found my hormones tend to be all over the shop for at least 3 months following a miscarriage, which makes everything seem harder to deal with.

Are you within reach of London? This is a great place that offers free of charge counselling to any woman who ha suffered a pregnancy loss, I go there and they are great. If not in London, can you say roughly where you are and maybe someone else can recommend something nearer to your.

Hang in there, it does get easier.

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DoctorDonnaNoble · 21/01/2014 11:33

I'm the wrong side of Essex to pop to London for that. Not sure about counselling - had a dreadful experience with NHS counselling

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Armadale · 21/01/2014 11:51

Oh I'm sorry to hear that.

I've had some shit counselling in the past as well so I know what you mean, once someone suggested I would never get well until I admitted to myself the sexual abuse in my childhood (there was none) .

I like city pregnancy as they understand pregnancy loss...maybe if you feel it might help you to have some (with a non-idiot this time) the EPU of the local hospital might be able to suggest someone who has a lot of experience in this field.

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bakingtins · 21/01/2014 13:02

You're not a failure, lovely, you are grieving. Sometimes if you 'cope' well initially and get back to your normal life, it only hits you some time later. The vast majority of first trimester miscarriages are caused by a random chromosome mutation that means the embryo could never develop beyond a certain point. Does it help at all to think your baby reached it's full potential, and your body did it's level best to nurture that baby? I also found this article enormously comforting, it helps to know that my lost LOs will always be with me.
I promise you it gets better, but you need to allow yourself to work through the emotions as they arise. If you are sad, find a time when you can give in to that and have a good cry.

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Armadale · 21/01/2014 13:17

that is a really beautiful article, Bakingtins, thanks for sharing that x

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PaulaFletch14 · 21/01/2014 17:37

Doctor Donna noble so sorry for your loss. I miscarried around the same time as you and at the moment I'm crying all the time. I think work is making it harder. My boss referred to my sick leave "as being unwell" I corrected him and said I lost my baby

Last night DP and I cried ourselves to sleep together. I just want to let you know you're not alone

Baking tins thank you for the article it's beautiful

X

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DoctorDonnaNoble · 21/01/2014 18:41

Thanks for the article and support! To prevent myself eating ALL the chocolate I'm at the gym. Just got a 'season best' 3 miles and feeling a bit more like me again. Almost back at 10 minute miles (not brilliant I know but I'd just got a bit faster than that when I got my BFP so will be a big deal when I get back there)!

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Parsley2506 · 21/01/2014 20:10

Hi doctor, I think I recall your thread back in Dec?

As others have said up thread, it does just get better with time but there's really nothing you can do with the tears and emotions except just acknowledge them and let them out. I am just over 2 months on from my own MC and I still have black moments, but far far less often. That said, the whole thing is never far from my mind, and I can conjure the sadness up pretty easily if I let myself but as time wears on it is easier to think about other, better stuff!

Finally, you are 100% not a failure!

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DangoDays · 21/01/2014 20:23

Big hug. Is very hard to immerse yourself back in the world that has continued when you feel so very sad and cannot imagine feeling 'normal' . Especially a school environment which is so bustling. I am a teacher too...

Take all the time you need. I didn't take more than 2 days as i was worried what slt would think. It was a mistake. It really doesn't matter how much time you take aside from that you must take what you need. Take care of yourself because that is your job right now. Let yourself grieve and take all the time you need.

I heard a song the other day that was playing in the hospital when I miscarried 4 years ago. 2 children later I still felt sad for that loss but amazed at what has transpired in that time. I only say this in that I hope time is a healer for you. Hope that makes sense.

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Noggie · 21/01/2014 20:36

I think you are being hard on yourself- miscarriages affect people in different ways but most people grieve for quite a long time- I took months to feel anything like 'normal'. Try to give yourself a bit of time and space if possible- maybe go back to your gp and see what he/she says? I am a teacher too and remember how wobbly I felt when I went back after 2 weeks. So hard. Take care xx

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DoctorDonnaNoble · 22/01/2014 07:49

After my run I did an excellent strength class - got a well done from class leader so feeling a little better AF seems to have stopped but feeling a little crampy still. Think I may burst into tears at work again still. Particularly if a colleague's new baby gets mentioned.
My doctors surgery is pretty rubbish. They don't listen to the patient. I know the same will happen even if I could get a referral to NHS counselling. Last time I was told I was stupid for feeling a failure as my grades were better than the counsellor's! (Thought it was the client that was meant to project) I know I have issues with the concept of failing, until my driving test two years ago I hadn't failed at anything I'd actually tried for before.

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Parsley2506 · 26/01/2014 09:05

Hi Donna, I just wanted to check how you're feeling now.

It's very hard not to feel like you/your body has let you down but the vast vast majority of early MCs are down to completely unviable embryos so in fact your body has done exactly what it's supposed to.
A tough and bitter pill to swallow I know, bit I've found looking at the 'facts' of MC has helped me deal with it and stop the blaming I was doing.
I really hope you're feeling a bit better