uplanned pg, now m/c and I feel numb. I just can't get my head round how I'm feeling

[PrincessScrumpy]

we have 3dds and haven't ruled out a 4th in the future but dtds are still toddlers so were planning to leave it a few years before deciding if our family is complete. That said, we also were not very careful over the last couple of months. I found out I was pg and hadn't quite got my head round it. I wasn't unhappy, but couldn't quite figure out sleeping arrangements/finances etc and dh and I hadn't really spoken about it as he was on late shifts and when he was home so were dc. Two days later I began bleeding heavily and it's clear I'm no longer pregnant.

I cannot work out how to feel. I feel guilty that the baby news wasn't welcomed by dh and I with the joy the other 2 pgs had been because he/she would have been loved. But dh and I aren't planning to try again anytime soon so then I feel like I'm saying I don't want a baby....

Not sure what I'm expecting anyone to say on here and I know many people desperately want babies so I really mean no disrespect. I thought I'd feel loss but I just feel numb and empty and we seem to be just carrying on like nothing's happened, which feels wrong.

Sorry to ramble but it does feel good to write it down.

Princess you deal with it however feels right to you. Sometimes I think losing an unplanned pregnancy must be even more complicated emotionally - with the loss of a planned baby it's straightforward grief, but you must have all sorts of conflicting emotions.
It's quite common just to feel numb initially, so you may find your feelings change, but all you can do is deal with how you actually feel about it and don't worry about what you should be feeling.

There is no "wrong" or "right" way to feel. You clearly have very very busy lives and haven't had a chance to work out how you feel yet but when you do have that chance, you don't have to fit anyone else's criteria for what you should feel.

I do think that you shouldn't feel guilty at all - you didn't do anything wrong. Your hormones will be all over the place right now with the changes in your body chemistry - it will be a few weeks before you reach an even keel again. I hope you can find a way to get some quiet personal time in between all the busy busy to reconcile yourself to what has happened one way or another.

Hi, I suffered a m/c at just over 12 weeks on 16/01/14. It was my first pregnancy and unplanned. I am devastated because my partner and I have known since very early on and had become used to the idea of being parents. It was the worst experience of my life as unfortunately it was a very long drawn out process involving several scans which indicated a continuing pregnancy. I am still recovering physically and emotionally. I am distraught over my loss but I also have mixed emotions. We have a lot of financial and health related issues at the moment and trying again is not on the cards for us yet. I feel like it means I never wanted the baby. I'm scared to do any of the things I stopped during pregnancy, like eating soft cheese or having a glass of wine. I feel like it's a sign I'm relieved I'm not pregnant. I don't feel relieved at all. I just feel empty and exhausted.
It helps to know other people have mixed emotions too.

Thank you KB89 it is nice to know it's not just me. Sorry for your loss xx