A small memorial/cremation....triggering

[Only1scoop]

Hello
I recently experienced a silent mc.
Our dc was born on 13th Dec In hospital very very early I was 17.5 weeks.
Perfectly formed tiny and beautiful.
I didn't like the thought of the cremation of our dc along with all the other babies. I felt a lack of identity with this.
Tmrw just my dp and myself are going to a little memorial cremation.
I have no experience of anything remotely like this.
It's such a personal time ....no hymns just a prayer and blessing.
Should I take a small posy of flowers?
I havn't spoken to anyone about this in RL
Anyone any experience of similar service at all who is able to share?
I am sorry if I have upset anyone.
Thanks for reading.

scoop do exactly what feels right to you. I'm sure it will be difficult but I hope it's also comforting to lay your baby to rest. Have you tried the SANDS website or helpline, they help families deal with late loss, stillbirth and neonatal loss, they have some advice on saying goodbye

Baking and Kat thanks so much for replies and prayers. We feel better after speaking to vicar who was lovely. I will take some flowers I think and we are able to collect ashes probably Thursday.
I just didn't want to make a fuss but after meeting our tiny baby couldn't not say goodbye somehow.
Hope I am making sense.
Thanks again x

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie x
We've had two mmc, and two seperate cremation funerals/services.
For our son Diggory, born sleeping last march we took a posy of flowers and DH carved a tiny wooden bird (dh is a carpenter) and for our daughter Maggie, born sleeping at the beginning of December we took a posy of flowers and I sewed a tiny pair of shoes for her (I make babies clothes and accessories).
We placed the items on their tiny caskets and they were kept with them as we asked them to be.
There is no right or wrong. It's simply what feels right for you. What will bring you comfort and help you in this difficult time.
Each of our babies services was about 15 minutes long. Our babies were brought to the chapel in a funeral directors car. Not a hearse but just a clean black car. With Diggory, the funeral director carried the casket and with Maggie DH carried the casket. There was a couple of poems and blessings and then the committal where we had asked for specific music to be played, which meant a lot to us.
We found that these services brought us a lot of comfort, though they were very hard to get through at the time, the peace that they brought was what we needed.
We now keep our babies ashes together on our mantle piece, in a wooden box that DH carved.
I hope that the service brings you comfort and peace. That it helps you through this horrible, unutterably difficult time.
I will say a prayer for your beautiful baby and will be thinking of you all tomorrow xx

scoop so sorry for the terrible loss if your baby. I haven't been through anything similar but couldn't read and leave it. Sending you and your oh strength and love at this time. I hope tomorrow is as ok as it can be. xx

Your ideas sound lovely and I'm sure will help you with the grieving process. You really have to go with what feels right for you in this situation, it's such a personal thing.
I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks a few years ago and passed a tiny baby. Although it was early, it was still our child and we buried her (?) in a family grave, poured on some holy water and said some prayers, just DH and I. It gives me great comfort to now that she is buried with her grandparents and I have a place to visit.

thinking of you today scoop

Thanks so much Feather x

Nldm1 and Pineapple thanks so very much for sharing and I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I have ordered two small posies of freesias...one to take and one for home. We are almost 100% that tiny is a little boy as he looked like one but today we get pm results so will know for sure. I ordered neutral flowers with a tiny bit of pink and blue.
Thank you so much again for sharing such personal and emotional times with me. What you both have done sounds so lovely. Blessings to you and your dc.