It's my due date today or tomorrow.

[FluffyDucky]

Well today or tomorrow is my due date of our first baby which we terminated in June at 15 weeks, after finding out she would not survive.
I was really hoping to be pregnant again but I am not. We are really not feeling Christmassy, not putting up any decorations nor can I bring myself to send cards. I keep thinking of xmas day we should have a new born, but we won't.
My emotions are undecided. I was fine at work today, I think having a distraction was good but I had a few customers with babies and heard a few little babies crying. I felt like I was being ripped open from the inside out.
I didn't sleep well last night and I don't think I'll sleep well tonight either. It doesn't help my period is due this week so my hormones are going mental.
I'm sorry if this has been rambling, thank you if you have read. It's not fair.

No wise words, so sorry x

So very sorry, FluffyDucky. It's the worst feeling in the world. I haven't been in your exact situation but the anniversary of one of my lost pregnancies was yesterday, so your post jumped out at me. All I can say is allow yourself to grieve - cry, get angry, whatever it takes. Don't feel guilty about not feeling festive. Can you lean on your partner for support? Friends/ family? I found some solace in knowing and acknowledging the different stages of grieving, and in rituals like lighting a candle. Final thought - although the idea of talking about it might seem overwhelming and awful (it did for me) - how about counselling? Your GP should be able to refer you or recommend someone.

Sending you and a big ((((hug))))

So sorry you are going through this. It's horrible knowing what you should have but was so cruelly taken from you. I had to have a D&C for our second miscarriage on Christmas Eve 2007. Even though it was six years ago it still upsets me every year. If you don't feel like doing Christmas then don't if you get angry and upset let yourself. Don't bottle anything up. Your emotions will be all over the place and completely normal with what you are going through. Sending you

It's not fair, fluffy and the EDD is so difficult. I've found some comfort in doing something positive in honour of the baby to mark the date. I have found that once you are past the due date it does get a bit easier to live with, so I hope that's the same for you.

Thanks all. Today was worse than yesterday, I really struggled at points. I'm glad the due date is past, now just got to get through Xmas