Disastrous first day back at work

[Parsley2506]

After 2 weeks off for a MMC, and a day catching up on emails from home yesterday, I went back to work today.
Stupidly I went in after a follow up appt with our GP which involved talking over everything thus I wasn't in the happiest frame of mind anyway.

All the way in on the train I kept thinking about the last time I went in to work when everything was 'ok' but then when I got in I thought I'd be ok.

I work for a lovely company, very close with some of my colleagues but none of them knew I had been pg. all was going ok but one of them came over to ask if I was ok and I just lost the plot. Hid in the loos for about 20 mins and was then rescued by a female colleague who gave me a shoulder to cry on for a bit and then I went home because I just could not think straight.
I've asked her to let a few of the people I am closest with what has happened which I hope will help, but I don't know what to do when I next tackle going in.
Maybe I did go in a bit too soon and with too high an expectation of how 'normal' I could pretend to be, I don't know.

Obviously I know I should expect to feel sad and down for a while but I really need some coping strategies for when I feel the tears coming at work. Has anyone got any good advice?
I manage a team of 8 people (some very junior) and while I don't mind my closest colleagues knowing what's happened I don't want a) everyone to know and b) to blub in front of colleagues I am not so close with.

I honestly didn't expect to feel so shit today. I've generally been ok the last 4-5 days (hence why I decided to go back), but I'm now realising I actually haven't really seen ANYONE since the MC so maybe it was too much too soon?

Oh, poor you that sounds like a really tough day. I am glad you had your colleagues to support you. What has happened to you is very sad, its ok to be sad about it . Look after yourself, could you maybe go in for half a day, when you feel up to it, to get back into things?
For today give yourself permission to relax ,and to try and start to recover. Hope you feel better soon.

I think that first day back is very hard. I did the same as you I went back too soon and needed another week off. Everyone at my work knew I was pregnant because of the nature of the work I had to tell them as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't handle everyone's sympathy at least I got it done in that sense, but like you say the last time you were there everything was fine and it's just another painful reminder that you don't need. It sounds like you need some more time off. It will always be hard going back, at least in some ways you have got that first day 'done' it will still be hard, but two weeks isn't long to come to terms with it. You recover physically far more quickly than you do mentally. You might feel fine one day then awful the next it will be like that for a while. You just need to be kind to yourself and give yourself time.

and a for you.

So sorry it was so horrible for you.

I had nearly 5 weeks off and found going back fine. I think you will cope just fine with time but it's maybe just a bit early now?

No helpful advice. I did feel a bit tearful, but as times gone on it's no longer a problem. Get your gp to sign you off for a little while longer?

Take very good care

Sorry you've had such a rough day on top of everything else.

I don't know any coping strategies I'm afraid but you've probably already been through the worst. The first day is particularly hard as the last time you were doing everything e.g. the journey into work you were pg but today you were not. It is difficult.

Hi parsley. I too had my first day back at work today after a MMC and taking two weeks off. So really empathise with how hard today has been for you.
Personally I chose to be very frank about my absence when I called in sick those 2 weeks ago, and my direct team know why I was off, along with a few other people. As asked a close colleague to tell them as I felt it would be good for me to feel I have a support network and hopefully for less people to put their foot in it with clumsy questions (it's a VERY female orientated organisation so blooming pregnancies announced and proud mummies with new babies popping in left right and centre).
I think that today was the hardest for you and well done for being so brave and facing the world again in what is still a very sort time since your loss.
But do find comfort in others and don't try and be too strong or cope alone. You'll be surprised at how many people will show real compassion, which is so very different from sympathy.
Also I find that talking about it makes the emotional recovery easier. It makes what happened real and in a way respects the short life of the little bean.
I hope you have a restful evening and that tomorrow is an easier day. x

I think I'll wfh tomorrow and try to get on top of what's been going on while I've been off etc., I can also deal with any well wishers via email/IM that way so hopefully there won't be many face to face comforters when I go back in (I don't like a lot of sympathy, it sets me off weeping!)
I think Thurs seems a realistic aim to be in the office and I'm going to set the expectation that I might just do half days this week.
Gently does it right?

Thanks as always ladies, your support is always, always appreciated.

Do what ever feels right for you. You are the most important person so look after yourself. Others can work around that.
Be gentle and kind to yourself. That is the most important thing at this time. Oh and a glass of wine. (; x

I hope tomorrow is a bit better for you WFH- I think sometimes it is easy to think you feel ok in comfort of your home but when you venture out it can be hard and your bound to get upset - sending you lots of hugs x

Good luck tomorrow. One step at a time, just approach things day by day. Think of you