Another M/c after trying for 7 years...

[Bubs1981]

Hi everyone, I hope you don't mind me popping my head up but I've really got nobody to talk to... I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of this but would like to tell my story x

I had my baby at a very young age, not planned but very much loved. He is now 14 and is my pride and joy. When he was 5 I met the love of my life (now my husband!) less than a year later I was pregnant, yay! The day before my booking in appt with the MF I started to bleed quite heavily and a few hours later found out my Dad had passed away suddenly (wasn't ill and only 46 years old). At the booking appt they got me in for a scan during which we found out that I had a MMC a few weeks previously. Such a terrible time but looking back I was more upset about my dad than the baby (I know that sounds terrible but may as well be truthful!). Had a D&C or whatever it is they call it these days.

Skip forward 7 years after TTC - blood tests and Laparoscopy which showed no reason why we couldn't conceive, tests on my DH etc all showing no reason at all why... We bought one of those clear blue monitors which records your info and still nothing after a year of smiley face days. In September I had just about had enough so skipped the testing therefore not exactly knowing when my period was due. Friend told me she was pregnant a couple of weeks after, I had been feeling a bit queasy but not having MS at any point during my 2 previous pregnancies didn't dare to hope this was it!! Took a test the next day and it turned positive almost immediately. I remember that day like it was yesterday! We were sooooooooo excited!!

Because of what had happened before we booked in for a private scan at what we thought was 8 weeks - not too early but as long as we could realistically bare to wait. Everything was great, heard their little heartbeat and have never felt happier in my life. The doctor was amazing, everything see going perfectly and he could see no reason at all why there would be any problems. 2 weeks later started bleeding just before bed, a really light pink. Was my booking appt the next day, 10 weeks, felt like history repeating... Had the scan that day "wonderful, your baby is fine!" I will never forget those words! The baby was kicking away and heartbeat was perfect! I was told to take it easy and was over the moon with happiness. Went back to my office job the next day still grinning from ear to ear. The night after I woke up at 1.30 in pain but after checking the blood situation it had not gotten any worse and managed to go back to sleep. The following night (no pain during the day and no increased blood) woke up in agony and soaked in blood. Showered it away not really knowing what to do went to the loo and "something" fell away from me, straight down the loo. I think I knew then that it was over but didn't want to believe. DH dashed me up the a & e where they done pointless checks but couldn't get me in for a scan until Monday (this was sat morning, 23rd). We managed to get an urgent appt up at the private hospital, all the time thinking that everything would be ok, only to be shown a blank screen with only an echo to show for it.

During the time I was pregnant we we're the happiest I have ever been and our little baby had more love in those few short weeks than most do in a lifetime. I still look at the pictures all the time, it seems worse this time because we "met" our little one and were told by people who should know that everything was fine! I feel totally robbed. I feel like if I had not gone to work those few days everything would be ok now, though of course we will never know.

7 days later still bleeding quite heavily and still off work but just cannot wait for it to stop so we can try again, but on the other hand so scared it will happen again, especially as our baby was perfectly healthy! My friends baby is due the exact same day as mine was, and that day just happens to be my mums birthday! Ffs! DH has been so supportive but had a bit of a meltdown last night when I found out one of his friends is 5 weeks pregnant after about 5 mins of trying...

Sorry for the essay! If anyone has any words of wisdom they will be gratefully rec'd xxx I do feel a little happier now I have said all this in a strange way! X

[Bakingtins]

bubs I am so sorry you lost your baby. Always devastating, but particularly so when you have waited so long for a BFP. Nothing you did or didn't do caused the miscarriage. Women do everything wrong all the time and have healthy babies, others do everything right and miscarry. It's totally unfair, but it does mean it was not your fault
I've had 4MC and they have all been at 8-10 weeks so in several of them I've had happy scans before the loss. It's relatively unusual, the risk of MC if a HB is seen at 8 weeks is only 3%, so the medics are justified in being positive at that point. The loss has hit me harder when I've seen the baby with a HB prior to it.

Having survived several MC, I'd say take all the time you need to grieve, keep talking (on here and IRL, plus the Miscarriage Association phone line can be helpful) be kind to yourself and schedule in some treats whilst you recover, and plan something positive to honour and commemorate the baby (memory box, piece of jewellery, charity gift, write a poem, light a candle, release a balloon, plant a tree)
It's normal to be completely blindsided by it initially, but you will get through it.

[Forester]

I'm so sorry for you and your DH - it's clearly particularly tough for you that you were reassured that everything was fine twice.

I'm pleased that it's helped writing down and sharing your experiences. Since having my second MC in September I'm so grateful that I've been able to come on this forum because even if you know people who've also had an MC they are not normally at the same stage.

Unfortunately there isn't anything anyone can do to make everything ok but be kind to yourselves

.

[Parsley2506]

Bulbs I just wanted to add my own condolences, this is truly the shittiest of situations and I am so sorry for what you're going through.

While I hadn't been ttc for nearly as long as you (18 months) before BFP I was also in the cycle of testing, had Hycosy, multiple blood work analysis, DH tested etc. with no problems. We too were ovulation testing each month and, like you, the month we finally got our BFP was the one month I just thought 'I can't be arsed with this anymore'.

Obviously there's no knowing the whys and wherefore of why you do/don't conceive month to month when there's no obvious problem but the one lesson I am taking away from our MC is to try to leave the testing stress behind as far as I can and see what happens.

Of course, I could be back on the OPKs within 3 months, we'll see!

I wish you all the best when you decide to start ttc again, and as the others above have said please do not blame yourself for what happened. Sending you a supportive hug!

[Bubs1981]

Hey ladies, thank you all so very much x we've decided we are going to start TTC ASAFP as soon as the bleeding has stopped (I'm on day 9). Took a test yesterday which is still showing as positive so have booked GP tomoz to do proper blood tests to see if it is falling...

Reading up on it and speaking to the docs has led me to believe that I might have had a subchorionic hematoma. The NHS scan woman should have been able to see this on my 2nd scan and by all accounts bed rest might have been able to save our baby... I guess we will never know. Does anyone else have any experience of this? I'm super scared now that should I get a BFP a short while down the way I will be paranoid 24/7, I guess that's only natural.

I've carried on taking my pregnancy vits for mothers to be, do you think I should shift to TTC vits or is it much of a muchness? I've got 2 unopened packets left!

Thanks muchly!