Second miscarriage...

[Trumski]

Hi all. I've just migrated over from the pregnancy board, sadly I'm currently waiting to miscarry at what should have been 6 weeks, but I am pretty sure nothing progressed over about 4 and a half weeks.

This is the second mc this year. We've been TTC for over a year and it took 8 months since th last mc to conceive this one.

We found out about the last mc at the 12 weeks scan, and I had an ERPC. This time is completely different, I started spotting last week and have been in and out of epu for bloods and my hormones dropped right down to 130 yesterday. I'm going to be miscarrying naturally this time and I'm scared as I don't know what to expect. I don't know when it will happen or how it will feel.

I'm also completely desperate to TTC again but utterly terrified it will happen again.

I'm scared. Can anyone offer some hand holding or advice? X

Oh Trumski I'm so sorry. I had an ERPC after my first mc. I then lost another at about 5 weeks. With the second I had cramping (like a really heavy period). I had a day or two off work but that was more because I was upset.
Take your time and see how you feel. After each mc I started ttc straight away but everyone feels differently. You may feel you need to grieve first. Make sure you have someone to chat to if you need it. (RL as well as here!)
Have you been offered any testing? (I have an odd blood type.) Issues with clotting etc.
Again I'm so sorry. It really is devastating. Hand holding if needed!

I'm so sorry for your loss, didn't want to leave this unanswered. I've recently had a mmc and before my DD was born a mc at 6 weeks.

Please let me give you lots of hand holding. There isn't really anything to say that will make you feel better. Just know that there is support here if you need it.

When I mc at 6 weeks it was like a really heavy period and much more crampy. If you are really worried about it could you not speak to EPU and see if you can have some support with it? Do they offer ERPC at this stage? Sorry, I'm not much versed on the options. Just feel that as awful as this is, you shouldn't be left to worry about it on your own, maybe ask them about what to do and pain relief etc.

Sending you lots of hugs.

Epu have been really good, had loads of blood tests etc, but they've basically said to just wait it out, haven't been at work for a week so far, just don't want it to happen there.

Thanks for your replies x

So sorry for you

I've also had two MC's this year - though both MMC's with ERPC so haven't experienced a natural miscarriage.

I'm trying to comfort myself with the thought that I'm (and we're) just unlucky and there's no reason why there should be another MC and the reason they don't start testing until three MC's is because statisically it's likely that any future pregnancy will be successful.

But I'm also aware that even though we've now started TTC again and I want a bfp I'm also terrified of another MC.

So no real advice but I can certainly sympathise with you.

So sorry for what you're going through.

I've had two miscarriages two - both at 12 wks, both natural and the second followed by ERPC.

There is a really good thread on this board on what to expect and practical advice - I found it really useful.

The key things I would have liked to have been told at your stage are:

1. Don't try to be too brave. I found a lot of encouragement from the hospital to stay home and try to tough it out but honestly, if the pain gets beyond uncomfortable or you're feeling scared - get you're butt to A&E. You won't have to wait, they'll give you some decent painkillers striaght away and send you straight up to the EPU / gynaecologist ward. Free sanitary pads and plenty of coedeine. Seriously though, I felt a lot happier feeling like I was being looked after.

1. If you can (and this is pretty grim, sorry). Try to collect the sac / baby. At 6 weeks there isn't much they can see but they may be able to tell you if it has developed normally and should certainly be able to tell you the size of the sac and therefore at what stage you lost the baby. They'll only do genetic testing after 3 losses but a visual check is better than nothing (I think).

1. You might want to ttc straight away. I know I was desperate too. But consider giving yourself a couple of months just to process what you've been through. I found the grief only really hit me a couple of weeks afterwards. We chose not to ttc for a while and now (6months on) are ready to and feeling excited about it, rather than terrified of it going wrong. I appreciate that you'll be worried about how long it might take. Perhaps see an accupuncturist for help getting your cycles back to normal (they can get v long after an mc) and then see how you feel.

Big hugs

I'm sorry to hear your news Trumski - I do sympathise as I'm currently miscarrying naturally, I was 8 weeks, but with a blighted ovum. The mc hasn't been too bad. Like you I didn't know what to expect really but it's been a bad period, but totally manageable with co-codomol prescrip from the GP. I started bleeding Friday and it's been a few heavy period type days but today seems to be tailing off a bit. I chose to carry on going into work, packed a bag with spare pants, loads of max flow pads and painkillers, and decided If it got too much I would go straight home and call it food poisoning.
Wishing you the best, I hope it is over for you swiftly without too much trauma x

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.

Every mc is different. My first, at 5w+5 after 18months of ttc, was quick. A few days of bleeding and bfn within 10 days. I got pg 2 months later with ds. I didn't take any time off work, hardly told anyone(only my best friend) and just kept going.

With my 2nd mc this year mid-October, everything has been slower and harder. Was a 6w, but hcg kept goign up for a month before going down and is still falling. Everything is dragging out and that has made it harder to deak with emotionally. This time I did take time off work and I've told a lot of people and it has made a difference.

We're here to hold your hand. x

V sorry to hear that trumski I found a second MC v difficult. You've had your "bad luck" surely it is someone else's turn?
Physically I hope you'll be ok at that stage. I've had 4 natural MC at 8-10 weeks and 3 of them have been manageable at home. The guideline is if you have bleeding filling a maxi pad in less than an hour, or any pain you can't cope with, or you feel unwell, call the gynae ward.

So sorry Trumski. Just wanted to add that I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks earlier this year and like you was scared of what to expect. I had spotting that gradually increased and while this happened I carried on as normal, armed with pads and painkillers. Luckily it started in the early evening at home. My partner was working 2hrs away but strangely I felt calm and that being alone was better. I texted a close friend who had been through similar and knew she would be there like a shot if I needed her.

And my body just took over. It knew what to do and I just went back and forth to the bathroom, took painkillers and breathed through it. And it was grim, but once it started there was a sense of relief.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, sending you a big hug and squeezing your hand so tight.

Thanks everyone. The bleeding started Friday night and I think I passed the main part on Saturday. Still bleeding quite heavily, but mainly when I go to the loo. I've been managing the pain with paracetamol and nurofen,

Sorry hit send. Also been using a hot water bottle.
Been fine up til today and had a bit of a meltdown and have been emotional. Depending on how I go, I may go back to work Wednesday. X

Dats I know what you mean about relief, I'm glad it will be over soon.

Trumski - I'm so sorry for you. I too have had two MCs, since April. Don't push yourself to go back to work too soon. Although of course you must do what you feel is best for you. I found, however, that - after my 2nd MC - it was pushing myself to 'get back to the normal routine' as soon as possible that actually made things worse. I wasn't giving myself room to grieve - also your hormones are nose-diving which means your emotions are all over the place on top of the real grief your feeling. As a result of trying to hold it together, it all came crashing around me about 10 days after the miscarriage. I got terribly depressed for a couple of weeks.

Just be kind to yourself. Trying to act normal didn't help me. Take care.

Hang in there and just be however you need to be. It's shit and you need time to process it or to distract yourself for a bit until you can face the processing. Glad you're a bit less in limbo. xx

Trumski I am very sorry to hear of your losses. I have only just found this board and whilst it is sad to see so many painful stories, it is comforting to know you are not alone. I had my 12 week scan this morning only to discover I've had another MMC, despite having a perfect scan at 8 weeks. It took me 9 months to conceive after first MMC and I think I'm in shock/denial that it's happened again. Going for my Erpc tomorrow. Completely and utterly devastated but really hoping to draw strength from these boards.

maybemaisey, I'm so so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Life is so very cruel. All my sympathy to you.

MabelMay Thank you for your kind words and I'm very sorry to see that you too have has two recent m/cs. For me one of the hardest things to deal with is the loneliness of the grief. This is partly my fault as I don't want to tell hardly anyone incase they upset me and say the wrong thing, which happened with a friend I told last time. Even though there is nobody in my life I can relate to, it's good to know that there is support from women who understand on these boards.

Sorry MaybeMaisey - I've only just seen your post and so sorry that it's happened to you again.

I've found it really helpful being on these boards since I had my second MMC in September so I hope you can also find some comfort. x

Hi Trumski, and everyone else who is having a horrible time.

I had two MCs 6 months apart - I took the first one on the chin (it was just one of those things), but the second one tore me to pieces. I had to have two ERPCs to clear everything out, and then didn't conceive again for a year. I became very depressed and couldn't bear to look at a pregnant woman or a baby.

What really helped me was having acupuncture, with a sympathetic stranger, who listened to me, and got me to say for the first time to myself that what I was most afraid of was never conceiving again, and, paradoxically, conceiving again, because I couldn't bear to go through another MC. I cried and cried after realising that, but it was a huge relief to accept that I was frightened of two very different and contradictory outcomes for myself. Six weeks later I was pregnant with DS1 who is now six.

DH thinks it was just coincidence - but I don't think so. It may not have been the needles as such, but being able to talk about what I'd been through in a way that I couldn't with friends or family really helped. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that MCs are horrible in themselves, but dealing with people afterwards saying 'it's nature's way' at best, or ignoring me at worst (and even worse, insensitive idiots brightly asking me when I'm planning to have a baby) just compounds the problem. And suppressing the rage at your body letting you down, and your fear of never having a baby, or having to go through this again, and feeling like a freak, because everyone else but you seems able to have a baby, can turn you into a basket case. Talking about it, whether here, or in real life, really helps.

Good luck, ladies - I hope that next year brings you the babies you want so much.

Thank you Forester and so sorry to hear about your losses too. Let's hope 2014 is the year for us!

ttalloo thank you for sharing your story. It must have been such a difficult year following your 2 m/cs but so pleased that you kept going and finally got there! It gives us all hope.

First day back at work today (Erpc was Tuesday) so practising my brave face and hoping for the best!