frightened of another miscarriage

[sallysan]

Hello all and I'm sorry all of you have been through this too. I am a long time lurker but first time poster.

It was found at my 12 week scan at the start of October that my baby had died 4 weeks previously. It was easily the worst day of my life and I can still remember every word the sonographer said. I then had an ERPC 2 weeks later.

Now we might start ttc again and I'm so scared of it happening again.

In particular I was round my friends house today and noticed she cooked some bacon and didn't wash her hands afterwards. Now I'm scared I could have got toxoplasmosis and if I conceive too quickly I could pass it to the baby. Does anyone know much about this? Is it likely?

I was generally terrified throughout most of being pregnant last time, and I'm worried it's going to be even worse the next time. And then I worry that I'll make the baby ill with too much worrying.

People close to me tell me I'm paranoid so I can't trust myself to tell the difference between a real worry and me being over-anxious. I just feel like I'm losing it sometimes. I don't know if I can do it all again. I drive my husband crazy with all this stuff.

Sorry for the rambling, and thanks for any thoughts you might have.

So sorry sallysan the chance of another mc as I understand is very low! it is very scary TTC again after mc and I think we will always feel a bit anxious.

Thanks Waiting and Purple. I think this has exacerbated MH issues that I already had - I tend to get fixated on a particular worry to the point of obsession and pregnancy certainly offers lots of opportunities for that, especially now.

I hope you have both had good outcomes. xx

Thanks waiting, I'll have a look at the link. I'm not sure if I am ready to be honest as I'm not sure I've dealt with it yet and still feeling very mixed up. So glad to hear your story though, thanks - light at the end of the tunnel maybe. Off to bed now, thanks so much for replying xx

Hi sally I'm so sorry you lost your baby. It's all still very recent for you, I'm not surprised you have very mixed feelings about TTC again. it's tough to put yourself potentially back in the firing line. After one miscarriage your chances of another are no higher than someone embarking on their first pregnancy, but obviously your anxiety about it is worse. I don't think you can get that innocent assumption that everything will be ok back.
Toxoplasmosis is only a problem if you pick it up when you are actually pregnant, not if you are exposed beforehand, so you don't need to worry on that score.
If you are not ready, then wait a while. It's helpful to have processed your emotions about the MC before another pregnancy, or it will bite you on the bum at some point must take own advice It might help you to speak to a counsellor and get some strategies in place to deal with your anxieties. There are lovely threads for TTC after MC on the conception board and pregnancy after MC on the pregnancy board where everyone will understand how you feel, you don't have to face it on your own.

Hi Sallysan

I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. It is a terrible time for you. I found out at my 16 week checkup in April that there was no heartbeat and then had medical management, surgery and blood transfusion.

I was like you and so terrified about it happening again. I waited about 5 months to try again and can honestly say I feel better about it now. I am now 9 weeks and petrified but do not feel as scared as I thought I would and am not acting as paranoid as I thought I would! I did burst into tears when I walked into my booking appointment though as it brought it all back going in there and seeing the same midwife again. She remembered me and was really lovely.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I have been told that I am not at a higher risk just because I have lost one.
The one thing I have found though is that I am much more detached about this one than the one I lost and my daughter. I think that it is my way of protecting myself in case it happens again.

I would say make sure you give yourself enough time to feel emotionally ready. I know for some people that is straight away, but for me it did take a bit longer.

Good luck!
xxx

Thanks so much for all your replies (I just deleted my last message as I thought it might upset or worry others in the same boat). So sorry to hear about your medical condition Waiting. That's not your fault at all. I suppose sometimes it's easier to blame ourselves than to just accept that so much is out of our control.

I'm so sorry to hear that dk, that must have been awful. I really hope everything goes well for you with this pregnancy, I'm sure it will.

I tried to detach a little bit during the pregnancy as a part of me knew something wasn't right. But I think underneath I just assumed it was me being my usual paranoid self and that everything was actually fine, which is why it came as such a shock.

Thanks again for your posts, it has really helped a lot. I hope you are all doing ok xxx

I miscarried my first :(

In my second pregnancy I was riddled with fear at every single step. Literally every time I went to the loo I expected to see blood. That fear did ease off at around 20 weeks :)

I now have a grumpy and hungry year 11 upstairs waiting on dinner

Good luck and please relax

thanks Free xxx

I think being worried is a natural state during pg. I was worried all through my first pg until my DD was born. And that worry only increases after you've had an MC. And it's not paranoia as things can and do go wrong. But as you've had MH issues in the past when you do start TTC and then get pg it's probably worth making sure you do get some support e.g. through the Miscarriage Association as they will hopefully be able to tell if what you are feeling is beyond "normal".

I hope everything works out for you.

Unless there is some obvious reason for your mc, then remember this one simple fact..... You still have a far greater chance of carrying a baby to full-term than you have of loosing it. Approx every 4th women you pass in the street will have had a miscarriage of some sort - but that includes the women now pushing prams.