Ruptured ectopic and now missed miscarriage

[bushmills]

Dear all, I'm new to this forum. Been meaning to join it for a while. I feel really quite low at the minute and am trying to be strong for my husband and family and if I don't tell anyone how I'm feeling then it will go away. But it's not working.

In January of this year I was told that I had miscarried at 6 weeks (although the MW doubted that I was ever pregnant!!) Then 3 weeks later I was rushed to hospital to have my left tube removed, 3L blood transfusion and a week in hospital. I will never ever forget my husband coming in to see me before I was rushed off to theatre. After a long recovery physically and emotionally I was surprised and delighted to find that I was pregnant in September. If I'm honest, part of me was pleased because I was tired of people asking 'when are you going to have number 2? You need to give....a brother or sister' We had a scan at 7 weeks due to the ectopic earlier this year and saw the baby and the heart beating. I continued to feel dreadfully sick and had all the pregnancy symptoms. Then suddenly, all the symptoms stopped at about 10 weeks. Last week at my 12 week scan we were told that there was no heartbeat. Then I had to walk through the waiting area full of smug pregnant ladies (I'm sure they weren't really). I had an ERPC as I most definitely did not want to wait to have a natural miscarriage.

That was a few days ago now. Feeling ok physically, a few twinges form time to time, not much bleeding or cramping. Just feel like I've deprived my only child of a sibling. One minute I feel fine, so so lucky to have one, feel so blessed, but then sometimes I feel like everyone around me is pregnant or having babies. Can't face the idea of a friend telling me she's pregnant. How awful am I! I know I should be happy that I'm well, my child is well, but there is still this nagging voice in my head saying I've failed.

Sorry if I'm beginning to waffle, just struggling to get my head around everything this year and feeling so terribly sad. Due to go back to work next week, maybe it can't come soon enough, stop me dwelling. Anyone been in my situation? Feel so alone x

Hi there I have had an ectopic pregnancy and a mmc four years ago and it is horrible and unfair
I just wanted to let you know your not alone
Sending big hugs x

So sorry
I had a missed miscarriage at 11weeks (baby measured 8) and had a D&C.

such hard things to go through.
kind thoughts to you

bushmills you have not failed or deprived your child of a sibling because none of this is in any way your fault It's a very normal part of grieving to be angry, look for someone to blame, and finding nobody turn the anger and guilt inwards. Just remember those feelings have no basis in fact.
You are also completely normal for feeling of other women's pregnancy news. It's a real knife in the guts when you are hurting so badly. That does not make you a horrible person.
I had 3 miscarriages at 8-10 weeks in a 10m period from Sept12-June13. Every time we picked ourselves up and dared to hope again we were knocked back into the s**t. I would honestly have gone mad except for the support I received here.

I'm not surprised that you are feeling low and I'm glad you've decided to post.

I'm in a bit of similar situation to you but I've never had the wait you are currently going through - we're trying for no 2 and I've had two MMC's this year (after two years of failing to conceive). And my DD keeps asking when I will have a baby in my tummy as she wants a little sister (she's not so keen on a little brother). I'm hoping that she won't be an only child but as an only child myself I don't think she'll miss out and am conscious that I can do things with her now that I couldn't if I had a baby.

Take care

You are all so very very kind. It breaks my heart to hear of so many of you that have had similar experiences and together we are getting through it. Today so far has been an ok day, gets a little easier to think about as the days go by.

I wish you all health and happiness, whatever that may be............and sending love to you all (just re-read that sentence, sounds like I'm going off somewhere)

I better go and book some 'me time' I fancy a hair cut and nails sorted out. Let's just say that I've let myself go a bit this year!