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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

For anyone who has suffered a mc/mcc and wants to talk

9 replies

GandTnow · 16/11/2013 09:38

Don't know if this is the right place for this thread, so sorry if not. I had a mmc over a week ago and an ERPC two days later. The comments and support I got from MN were invaluable, but now I'm almost over all the physical stuff, I'm finding dealing with the emotional side really hard; and thought that there might be others out there who need somewhere to talk.

At the moment I feel really guilty about the stress that the last few months have had on my DD (2.5 years). She is a dream child and very evenly balanced most of the time, but she has of course not had all my time and attention recently - what with dreadful ms and then the shock and recovery of the last two weeks. I feel angry with myself as she seems to have lost her confidence around other children and needs a lot more reassurance. To be honest this is at the moment the main reason why the idea of ttc again makes me feel angry and selfish. My DH is brilliant and supportive, but he doesn't understand why I feel so guilty and angry about this.

Hope this isn't too long, I'd love to hear other's stories and feelings.

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Bakingtins · 16/11/2013 14:34

Hi GandT glad to hear you are physically on the mend. MC can't help but have an impact on the whole family. I've had 4, one between my 2 boys when the older one was a similar age to your DD, and 3 in the last year. My DH has been great at keeping everything as normal as possible for them, but of course I've had periods of being physically unwell and it's taken up a great deal of emotional energy. There's always guilt about the PFB when contemplating giving them a sibling, even if everything goes swimmingly Mummy will be a bit burdened in pregnancy and then have a newborn demanding all the attention! There are plenty of good points to having a sibling to balance it out though. We did take their feelings into account when discussing how far to take tests/treatment/trying again, but still feel it is worth pursuing.
I think the anger you describe is a normal part of grieving, and with nobody obvious to blame it gets turned inwards. Try not to take the guilt on board. I'm sure your DD will bounce back, probably much quicker than you do.

GandTnow · 16/11/2013 17:31

Bakingtins, I'm so sorry for your losses. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. The anger seems to be interspersed with periods of thinking about another baby in the abstract and then feeling scared of even hoping to get that far!

I's sure you're right about it being part of the grieving process, but it really helps to put it down on here.

I really hope that you are soon successful and that everything goes like a dream.

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lifesgreatquestions · 22/11/2013 08:20

I don't know of this thread is still active but I was looking for a place to write and it doesn't warrant a new thread. I've had migraines all month, knew it was psychosomatic. Yesterday I gave in and am taking two days sick leave. This is the one year anniversary since my last, fairly traumatic mc. One year on no children no further pgs. The memories of the scan, of the mc getting stuck part way through my cervix... the year of hell that's followed... I haven't told my oh, I don't want to talk about it, i've claimed a migraine, I just need a few days of quiet to myself but felt the need to confess.

Bakingtins · 22/11/2013 13:30

Un-mumsnetty hugs for (((LGQ))) Of course it warrants a thread of it's own if you want one. Anniversaries are tough to get through, particularly if you feel you are no further forward a year on. Hope you find some healing in having some quiet time. Flowers

lifesgreatquestions · 22/11/2013 14:20

Bakingtins, I've seen you around here. I don't know how you've been recently but I have a lot of respect for what you've been through and that you are continually able to reach out to others. Thanks for the UMH.

I was a silver lining sort of person before all this but I have since, on a few occasions, found myself thinking that it wouldn't be so bad if something happened to me and this all just ended. Real meaning of life, "what's the point to just more of this" kind of stuff. I'm getting through it, I'm feeling better now than a few months back. It's just been an awful year.

Sammc1878 · 22/11/2013 18:09

Lifegreatquestions - sending you a big hug I too find anniversaries hard and also due dates difficult xx
I've been thinking today that I feel useless and a failure at pregnancy - other people seem to sail through it no problems and without a care in the world and I don't get why other woen have to be out through loosing theirs - it's cruel

lifesgreatquestions · 22/11/2013 20:17

I read your other thread Sammc, sending the hug back. It is cruel, a reminder of the true meaning of life not being fair. The thing about uselessness is that it isn't even a skill is it, it's not like we failed to study sufficiently or skipped important lessons, it's just cruel.

Forester · 22/11/2013 20:23

Please don't feel guilty to your DD GandT - it's not your fault that you suffered badly with MS and then had a MC. Your DD will know that you love her.

I'm sorry that you are suffering LGQ and can understand why. I've had two MMC's in the last year but I know that despite this I'm very lucky because I have a DD. Hopefully you will start to feel more positive soon and next year will be much better. And maybe it would help if you did confide in your OH.

GandTnow · 26/11/2013 09:22

So sorry for your losses everyone. But also feel quite glad that there are others who may not yet be ready to start ttc again, but still want somewhere to just say how they are feeling and know they're not alone. In RL I find that most people are lovely, but just sort of assume that the next step is to have another go. I don't think I'll be ready for that for quite a while.

Forester thank you for what you said about DD, we're still having problems with her feeling insecure and being v clingy, but I hope we'll get back to normal with her soon. I do just feel like I've somehow let her down as she has always been a very balanced little girl.

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