MMC at 10 weeks, what is happening??

[Parsley2506]

Hi, I've never posted here before despite reading the forums loads, sucks to be doing it now in these circumstances. I'm hoping some of the wonderful MNers can give me some advice.

After TTC for our 1st for 18 months got a BFP on Oct 2nd. Am today 10 + 6, had some light pink bleeding last night and brown this morn when wiping (sorry if tmi). DH took me down to EPU where I was scanned and told 'doesn't look good'. Embryo only 7mm, aka more like 6 weeks and no detectable heartbeat. Their advice was to come back on 26th (what should have been my 12 week scan) to see if embryo has grown. I know it won't have, we have not BD'ed since mid Sept so to be only 6 weeks along is impossible.
So, I am left knowing that I have in all really had a MMC but as EPU wouldn't confirm I've not been offered any options and I am terrified of natural MC. Can anyone offer me any advice? Should I wait for bleed or call EPU back on Monday to discuss?
Feeling so numb at the moment, like this is happening to someone else.

Hi Parsley sorry you are going through this. EPU are following their guidelines for an embryo that measures around the stage where a hb should first be detected that if they can't see one they have to rescan in a week. My experience is they won't waver from this and won't do anything in a shorter time frame.
I would phone back and ask for the next scan to be brought forward to a week interval, and you may also want to ask to be provisionally booked for medical or surgical management if the MMC is confirmed, so you don't have to wait again for a slot.
Have a read of this thread which may help with a decision about which route to choose and prepare you in case you bleed in the meantime. The Miscarriage Association also has lots of info on your choices.
It's a horrible thing to happen, not surprising you feel numb.

Hi Bakingtins - thanks for taking the time to reply, it's really helpful. I think shell shock prevented me asking any sensible questions this morning, I was genuinely expecting everything to be ok (I am a, usually needless, worrier) so this has really knocked me for six!
I'm assuming from your knowledgeable answer that you also have personal experience of MC, which I am sorry for. Can I also ask you about whether you worked while 'waiting'? I have a 1hr+ commute by public transport and I am scared of the MC starting while away from home. I might be able to arrange to work from home but also worrying about explaining why - no-one at work knows I am, was, pregnant. Thanks

Hi op.
Sorry you're having such a tough time.
I had an mmc last year, in exactly the same circs as you. I wasn't offered any medical management.
I had no more bleeding after the scan for a week. Then I had a day of what felt like very very severe period pain. After about 6hrs I felt funny so I went to the toilet and there was quite a dramatic gush. After that I had gradually decreasing bleeding for about a week.
Sorry if that's too graphic, but I remember in your position I just wanted some idea of what might happen.
It did hurt, but it was manageable with painkillers.
My advice to you is to take some time to pamper and look after yourself.
Do you have someone to talk to?

I'm so sorry - especially as it's your first.

I've had two MMC's but didn't have to wait a week for a second scan as both times I was a little further along than you (10 weeks and 7 weeks) and had ERPC's a couple of days later. I didn't have any bleeding before the scans so maybe someone can advise whether the fact that you've had some bleeding means that it's more likely you'll miscarry naturally during the next week.

I told work that I had food poisoning to explain my absence. You could always start off with that and then if you need to take a longer time off you can then give the real reason - anyone will understand why you were reluctant to give the true reason.

Also I realise that it's too early to think beyond the next couple of weeks but one of the things I did find a comfort was being told by the MW that your fertility increases following a pregnancy.

Take care of yourself - it's a horrible time.

I would see what happens over the weekend and then make a decision whether to go into work next week. My experience is that spotting followed by a bad scan outcome has turned into bleeding relatively quickly, but everyone is different. I wouldn't want to be a long commute from home and feeling like a MC could kick off. Most doctors will understand your reluctance to tell work what is happening and write something nonspecific like gynaecological disease or pelvic infection on a sick note if you want them to. On the other hand, if you say it's a miscarriage it counts as pregnancy related absence and can't go on your sick record so you need to weigh up what is best for you. You are probably going to need minimum of a week off (and maybe longer depending on how soon you can emotionally cope) once the MC starts, irrespective of whether it is natural/medical/surgical.
I have been honest with bosses at work about my MC and found they have then been understanding in subsequent early pregnancies, but for health & safety reasons I have to tell them as soon as I'm pregnant so they have known anyway. Colleagues have been given a v nonspecific reason for my absence.

Hello Parsley - you have had good advice here already but my experience was so similar to yours I thought it might help to post. That first day after the first scan was very confusing for me and I also wondered about going to work. I felt I was in limbo and didn't really understand what was happening. If you are sure the dates can't be wrong then I think you need to prepare for the miscarriage to progress before you get your next scan and. If things have not progressed over the weekend, I would advise staying home if you have a long commute by public transport. To give you an idea I had the scan on the Tuesday, bleeding got worse on the Wednesday and on Thursday it was clear the miscarriage had largely completed. The bleeding and cramps continued for a further few days. There was no gush it was all like a period (mine are usually heavy so not much worse than that but with more 'stuff'). It is scary because there is so little information on what actually happens. But it is all so varied - each person seems to have a very different experience. I would really encourage you to take it easy over the next couple of days, have someone close by to help if need be (I had quite a strong dizzy/fainting spell at one point, others have more pain and blood that would need medical attention) and allow yourself to feel how you need to. I avoided googling stuff but did find the Miscarriage Assoc website excellent for advice. But all in your own time. Also agree that you try to get scan brought forward a bit. I had mine a week after the initial one. This was very hard but good for peace of mind. Also important if things have not progressed. I hope this helps and I really send you the warmest hug. It's so hard. 3 months on I can honestly say time heals. Also on work - I only told my immediate line manager. No-one else at work was told. He was fantastic - his wife had had a miscarriage 20 years earlier. Sorry for length of this xxx

Thank you all so much for your advice and reassuring words. You all know first hand how it feels like you're the only one going through this kind of thing while it's happening but it is so comforting to hear from people who've come out the other side.
My DH and Mum have been brilliant so far, as has my best friend, so feeling very supported but it is still beyond scary.
I've had more spotting today and what feels like mild AF cramps so i am guessing it might start properly before too long.
I decided to let my boss know and he's been great, given me the all clear to take as much time as I need so arming myself with a list of mundane chores round the house to keep me occupied while this happens and hopefully emerge from this whole ordeal wiser, braver and even more determined to make it as a Mummy one day.

Wisdom, bravery and determination sound like just the qualities you need. You sound very strong. This doesn't mean you won't need to fall apart sometimes but it does mean you'll get through this. Wiser, braver and more determined. Take care x

Lots of love for your sad time, I'll not go on about myself and my MC as you have some cracking advice above but just wanted to say whilst this is so awful now, you will get through it. Dr told me that about a third of people trying for babies have a least one MC so stay strong and look to the future if you can.
We'll all be back here in due course joining up to antenatal clubs etc, I have no doubt!
Xx

Parsley, I just wanted to post to send you a virtual hug. I mc'ed three weeks ago and my circumstances were pretty much identical to you, although I was only around 7 weeks pregnant. The level of pain and bleeding is different for every lady, and be warned that it doesn't always happen as you expect. I thought it would be like a period and then end. It didn't, I had intermittent bleeding on and off until mid last week. I too felt numb at first, then upset, then angry and now after a fog of emotions I just feel sad but that for whatever reason that pregnancy was just not meant to be. There is a little optimism at the end of the tunnel but take your time to grieve and come to terms with this very sad and slightly surreal experience. It does get a bit easier I promise xxx

Thanks for all your kind words everyone, and I'm so deeply sorry for all of our losses .
It's been an eventful week that's for sure! I had no further bleeding aside from brown spotting till Weds night when I had some cramping and passed quite a bit of 'stuff' (I am too squeamish to look at it!).
Yesterday day time was all ok, more bleeding but no pain. Sun down tho - What. The. Hell!
The sonographer at the EPU last week said my period should be my benchmark for pain (with hindsight, he was a man so i should have ignored him straight off!).
I was doubled over in agony from about 5pm - got so bad I was incoherent and poor DH was so freaked out he called 111 who heard me shrieking and dispatched an ambulance!
The paramedics were lovely, both women who'd MC'ed themselves but I opted not to go to A&E as I felt like the end was near and going in, waiting etc. would prolong the agony so to speak.
Finally nodded off after dosing up on codeine and ibuprofen around midnight. Can't really remember what I passed, wasn't aware of any 'larger' things so not sure if it's over or not - today has been very light and cramp free so far.
Been extremely emotional all day, going to have to start thinking about the 'real world' in the next few days too which scares me A LOT. i feel like a different person to last week.
How did all of you tackle re-entering normal life?

Oh bless you, I was lucky not to have much pain, I'm glad the ambulance crew were lovely to you and understanding. It makes a real difference. I hope most of the physical symptoms are nearly over for you now. How to re-enter the real world again? You just do it and oddly being busy again and getting back to routine kinda helps a little, although all you may feel like doing is curling up into a ball and hibernating somewhere at the moment. Make a decision whether you want to be upfront about the mc or not. Whilst only our parents knew we were expecting, I was honest about the miscarriage when people asked where I'd been or how I was. It startles some but most support you when you need it most and a lot of women share the fact they have had a mc too - it's horridly common. I felt less alone being open about it and it has helped me heal a little. All the best to you and lots of love x

While I doubt you ever really get over having an MC for me the feeling at wanting to burst into tears at any moment passed after a few days. Going back to work was a bit tough as there was a number of firsts - e.g. the last time I'd been on the tube I was pg - this time I wasn't. I had been planning on telling my team leader the real reason I had been off but when it came to it and I was back in the normal routine I knew I'd be ok at work so didn't end up saying anything.

But I know there are other posters that have gone back to work but then realised they need a bit longer off. So I think it's a case of doing what feels right for you. x

Hi Parsley,

I'm so so sorry about your miscarriage. I have recently had one too. About re-entering the real world - I'll share my experience in case it helps - as forester says though you have to do what's right for you. I needed a week off after my ERPC to do a combination of mooching about the house, feeling really sad (as well as dealing with what's happened, you're also dealing with a huge hormone crash), and distracting myself with completely mundane things like food shopping.

I told my boss what had happened - I found that it was helpful having someone who knew and would understand if I had to rush off or go home early (but haven't told anyone else at work). Since then I have round real relief from just doing normal day to day stuff, work and tidying up the house and visiting friends, when I feel like it. And alternatively when I feel like staying in bed and crying then that's what I do.

I too feel like a completely different person now (it's like before I was a child and now I've grown up, in a way).

I hope today is going ok for you and you are feeling alright physically xxx

Hi Parsley

I had a really similar experience a few years ago, before I had my son. At 11 weeks I had spotting, but I had to wait for a week to see if there was any growth to a six week sized embryo.

I miscarried at home in that week. The hospital had not warned me how painful it would be and it was the worst experience of my life. Like other posters said, afterwards, it took me a while to get back to normal. Take sometime at home to try and come to terms with what has happened.

Let yourself feel sad if you want too - I felt 'empty' physically and emotionally, but you should expect it and it's ok. You are lucky to be supported by friends and family, and there are great mc boards on here where you can discuss it to your hearts content.

After a while you'll feel a bit brighter, I promise. Sadly miscarriage is incredibly common, and you must not blame yourself.

I recovered by throughly enjoying things I would not have been able to do had I been pregnant, for example we went to a couple of music festivals, lots of fun nights out, skiing etc.

I conceived again the following year, and now have a lively 4 yo son. I'm also now expecting no 2!

Forester, lottystar, sallysan, hackneybird - thank you so much for your advice and support. It's weird to say it of people I don't even know but it means such a lot.
Real world (aka work) has been put off till next week but am going to start venturing out a bit this week and see how that goes. Had to call doctors this AM to cancel my booking appt. and had a bit of a wobble when the receptionist asked if I needed to reschedule, but I survived! One step at a time right?
Tomorrow's challenge is going for follow up scan at EPU to check miscarriage is complete on what would have been the date of our 12 week scan (same bloody time at same bloody place too to add insult to injury). DH and I are going to go for a nice therapeutic walk somewhere after that little treat, preferably with a good pub at the end!
Thanks again and, as always, so sorry for the losses you guys have been through to be in a position to give me such good advice!

I'm so so sorry that you have had a horrible few weeks, but glad that you have come online to get advice from others. I only joined a week or so ago after I went to my 12 week scan to find out no heart beat. I had an ERPC a few days later and signed off work for 2 weeks. I have to say that every day it does get slightly easier. My husband does not need to lock away our good crockery anymore! Yes I still have up and down days but coming on here and getting the support from others has been brilliant.
Take it easy, get your nails done, buy some trashy magazines and enjoy some galaxy chocolate.
I hope you have a happy healthy 2014, we all deserve it!