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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Mmc at 12 weeks and what to do now?

19 replies

GandTnow · 05/11/2013 20:13

I would really like some adivce please. We went for our 12 week scan today and were told that the baby had died at 8 weeks. I feel numb most of the time and crushed the rest of the time.

We were given all the options about what to do next but were advised that medically managed was the way to go. I was given the first tablet today and I'm booked in on Thrusday for the rest of the process. Now I'm sitting at home I'm not sure I can face waiting for my baby to leave my body like this, I had a miscarriage a few years ago at 6 weeks and that was terrible to experience.

I guess what I want is for someone to tell me if I can still have a D&C after taking that tablet and to reassure me that I'll be OK having a general anesthetic - never had one before and really scared.

Do I just ring the hospital and tell them that I want to change my mind?

Thanks in advance for your response.

OP posts:

Forester · 05/11/2013 20:38

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I've had two MMC's but both times chose ERPC. I'm a bit surprised that you seemed to have been pushed into a particular option as it's a very personal choice.

I'm not sure whether it's too late for you to change your mind. I've read from previous posts that some people who have opted for medical management also have an ERPC booked in so that if the tablets don't work they know what's going to happen next. So do call the hospital in the morning.

If you do go down the surgical route you don't need to worry about the general anesthetic. There have been a couple of threads on this forum in the last month or so that have talked about the procedure in a bit more detail which you may find helpful. But from my experience I think the procedure is quite short so other than feeling a bit groggy when first waking it wasn't long before I was ready for my tea and toast and soon felt my normal self - just a little tired.

But what ever route you end up going down just remember to be kind to yourself as as you know it's a horrible experience.

Original poster

GandTnow · 05/11/2013 20:45

Thank you so much for your post, I've been reading some of the other threads on here and I'm not now quite sure why we were told that medical management was the best choice. To be honest I think I only took in the bare minimum at that stage because I was so stunned. I think I'll call the hospital tomorrow and ask them if I can change my mind.

It all just feels so strange at the moment.

OP posts:

AHardDaysWrite · 05/11/2013 20:51

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've experienced the same - went for my dating scan at 13 weeks to be told my baby had died at 9 weeks. I will never forget being in that scan room. I was offered the choice of medical management or ERPC and opted for ERPC as I didn't want to be aware of the miscarriage happening, if you see what I mean. It was fine - no pain, some bleeding but nothing too heavy, and I felt physically fine after a day or two. The worst part was they had a lot of emergency surgeries to get done so kept me waiting a long time on the day of surgery. It was a relief to have it over with and the doctors and nurses were very kind. They signed me off work for a fortnight, which I did need - physically I was ok quickly but emotionally it was very hard.

If it helps to know, I conceived again two months later (the consultant advised us to wait for one cycle before starting to ttc again) and my dd is now 7 months old.

Taz29duffy · 06/11/2013 09:21

I am 9 weeks today and had a missed miscarriage- stopped growing at 5 weeks. I'm going to the early pregnancy clinic this morning and am going to fight for ERPC. I will let you know how I get on. Don't see any reason why you can't request this despite having taken first tablet.

Bakingtins · 06/11/2013 10:22

GandT I'm so sorry you have lost your baby. It's very hard to take in any information when you are trying to digest awful news, I'm sure you will not be the first person to change their mind. I think it's important emotionally to feel you have some choices which is the 'least worst' option for you, and I hope you get a sympathetic hearing from the hospital and they can get you booked in ASAP.

Original poster

GandTnow · 06/11/2013 10:24

Have spoken to the staff nurse at the hospital this morning and asked if it is possible to change my mind and go for an ERPC, she seemed to think that I could but that it would be hard to find a slot in the lists for it in the next couple of days. She's meant to be ringing back later this afternoon. Should I say that I would wait a bit longer for ERPC or just go ahead tomorrow if there's no space?

I seem to have lost all ability to make decisions!

Thank you so much for your replies. It is very comforting to know we're not the only ones.

Taz so sorry you're going through this as well

OP posts:

MGJoey · 06/11/2013 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

GandTnow · 06/11/2013 12:21

Thank you all so much for posting, you've really helped me sort my head out a bit. I've just spoken again with the staff nurse and I'm booked in for 10 tomorrow. She said that hopefully I'll be first on the list but no guarantee.

Feel much better now that I know what's happening.

OP posts:

Forester · 06/11/2013 13:10

I'm glad you've been booked in for tomorrow and hopefully by lunchtime you'll at least be over the physical side of the MC and can then start to deal with the emotional aspects.

Taz I'm sorry that you've also had a MMC. I don't think you'll have had any problem being offered an ERPC.

It's a tough time for you both.

katatonic · 06/11/2013 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Taz29duffy · 06/11/2013 15:16

Thank you katatonic. Booked in for tomorrow morning- dreading it as I'm terrified of needles/ pain etc! Will be glad to get it all over and done with.

Hope tomorrow goes ok for you GandT. I guess there are many like. Is throughout the country.

Bakingtins · 06/11/2013 15:59

Thinking of you both tomorrow

Cybercat · 06/11/2013 16:06

Im so sorry you've lost your baby. I have no experience of the surgery (I chose medical) but I wanted to wish you all the best for tomorrow.

Original poster

GandTnow · 06/11/2013 17:37

Thank you all so much, I'll be glad when tomorrow is over.

Thinking of you Taz and all the best for you in the morning.

OP posts:

lighthousesea · 06/11/2013 17:53

Just wanted to send you good wishes for tomorrow. Sorry for your sad loss. It's the worst thing ever :(

I'm super scared of hospitals and needles etc. I found the ERPC fine and not at all scary, so I know you will be fine. It's over so quickly which will allow you to move on in time.

Thinking of you and your partner.

Original poster

GandTnow · 08/11/2013 07:18

Thanks again for all the support on this thread. I came home last night and still feel a bit groggy, but other than that fine.

The staff were brilliant and really sensitive and I was only under GA for about 30 minutes. The comments and messages on here have really kept me going these last few days so thank you once again.

OP posts:

Taz29duffy · 08/11/2013 09:13

GandT I am glad you found the physical side of the experience fine- I was surprised at how quick and painless it was. I hope you are ok and go on to have much happier times x

2beornot · 08/11/2013 11:26

GandT - have only just found this thread. Sorry you are going through this - I remember your joy at your BFP on our nutjobs thread. It's a horrible thing to have to go through, you may never get over it (I haven't) but you wil be able to get on with life.

Taz - hugs for you too. Like you say the physical part is fine, you just need to look after yourself mentally now too x

Original poster

GandTnow · 08/11/2013 18:48

Thanks Taz, I'm glad that you're through the other side of it all too. Hopefully things will soon start to feel little more back to normal ish, although I'm sure that at the moment you feel spaced out like I do.

2be I remember you too from the thread, seems like a long time ago. How are you? I know what you mean about not getting over it. I had a mc at 6 weeks before I had my DD and this has brought it all back. I just keep thinking that I've had 3 pregnancies and only one child. Makes her all the more precious, but scares me so much to try again.

Got really bad cramps tonight and feeling a little worried as codine doesn't seem to be helping. I guess that's just the GA running out but wondering if I should ring the hospital and ask if there's anything else I can take.

OP posts:

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