not again

[picklebum2011]

Sorry I know there are hundreds of stories like mine but I just need to talk.I have recently had my third missed miscarriage and it has tortured me. I really never saw this coming as after having had two losses we had our beautiful daughter. We fell pregnant straight away and I felt so sick from the start and had all the symptons tiredness sore boobs and so on. We had two scans one at five and a half weeks where a heart beat was detected using the internal probe then I was re scanned at seven weeks where a heart beat was seen and where I was told everything was great. Then I asked for another scan at ten weeks as I had been having lower belly pain. I was told the baby had not progressed past nine weeks. I was so shocked as despite the pain I still thought all was OK. We had also stupidly told everyone including our three year old. She keeps saying how mummy's baby is in the sky and it breaks my heart. I so wanted all my babies and I feel so sad that I was not able to have them. I'm sad my daughter hasn't got a sibling. My cousin is due when I would have been due end of Dec. I feel so sad that Christmas will be such a poignant reminder.
We were referred for testing and had some blood tests and a scan which showed no problems, we were told we didn't need a chromosome test even though we wanted one. I was told that if I were to fall pregnant again and a viable heart beat detected then I would be put on aspirin...not sure how I feel about this. Also told that if I were to miscarry again they would test the baby, I was told they tested my previous precious three but obviously they weren't tested for much.
I just don't know if I can mentally do it all again I want so much to be a mummy again and for my daughter to have a sibling but I just don't know if I can go through it all again, I'm scared to try again but scared of regret if I don't. I read on Google that the more miscarriages you have the less likely it is to have a successful pregnancy, is this true? I feel like a failure as a woman why couldn't I hang on to my much loved babies? Why also was I so sick does this mean I had as high level of hormones? Should this have not been a good sign?
Sorry for self indulged moan, any advice greatly appreciated.

[ghostonthecanvas]

Can't advise but can hug xx

[LittleTulip]

Sorry to hear of your bad news hugs xx

[Pommes]

So sorry xx

[OnaPromise]

I'm really so sorry, the missed mc is particularly horrible to have to go through that awful shock. Not self indulgent at all. XX

[moreteafather]

It's not self-indulgent at all. Despite having 4 wonderful children and trying to avoid pregnancy I now have a desperate ache for the newborn I thought I would have.

I know how you feel in that I never want to experience this again and am terrified that I'd be a neurotic mess in another pregnancy or that this could happen again.

Sometimes though life is about taking a leap of faith, but then there comes a stage where you have to say enough is enough. Where to draw that line is the hard part.

But so sorry for your loss and pain. xx

[Bakingtins]

Hi pickle I'm so sorry you are going through this. Do come and join the recurrent MC thread, ladies at all stages of testing, trying again, or trying to pluck up courage, also honest discussions about when to call it a day. You get to a point where you don't know anyone IRL who has had more than one MC and nobody knows what to say to you.
If an ERPC is performed tissue is routinely tested to check it's not a molar pregnancy (looking at tissue under the microscope) but not genetic testing. Mine wasn't looked at genetically until 4th loss and was found to be normal, despite normal NHS tests ( which happens in 50% of cases) which prompted me to pursue the immunological angle. We now have a diagnosis and a plan so with heart in mouth are off on the roller coaster again. Come and have some company on the journey, it does help.

[MabelMay]

pickle so sad for you but totally understand. It's good to come on here and vent, as it's hard to find people in real life who've been through similar. I have had two miscarriages this year - and now i feel in limbo - can't seem to move on unless i get pregnant again, but what if I never do? or what if I do and it happens all over again? I guess you have to search your soul/heart and ask yourself what you want and what you feel you could cope with. I did - and I know I want to try again, despite knowing it might all end with another MC. But if you ever want any hand-holding, do come on here. I'm new but have found it such a help/refuge over recent months.
I can't answer most of your questions though, but I know what you mean about the sickness - I've always been told this is a sign of a healthy pregnancy, but I guess no-one really knows.
Good luck with everything and so sorry. x

[Forester]

I'm sorry for your losses.

I've had two MMC's and with the second one all pregnancy symptons continued - including queasiness and my tummy growing - continuing from the time of the MMC at 7 weeks to when I had the scan at 12 weeks. I think it's relatively unusual for this to happen but not unheard of.

Depending on your age and how easy you found it falling pregnant you don't necessarily need to make a decision straight-away and can give you self more time to mentally prepare.

I'm aware that if I want another DC (I have a DD) then we will need to start trying again soon (my second MMC was only a couple of weeks ago) as it took 2 years for me to fall pregnant once we started trying for number 2 (and was on clomid) so need the boost to fertility that follows a pregnancy. So before long I will have the stress of first trying to fall pg and then if I do (fingers crossed) the horrible stress that it may end up in another MC.

So no real advice but I sympathise with your predicament.

[picklebum2011]

Thank you all so do much fort your responses and kind words. It is so true that no one irw uh understands. I hate it when people say well you have one already... Yes I am so lucky and extremely happy with my beautiful daughter but it doesnt means I'm not sad or my husbands not sad over the three we lost. I really didn't want my daughter to be an only child and think I really do want to have another go, even though I said last time I would only try again once and big it didnt work out i`d stop, I guess we really do have such strength when we want to. I know my husbands anxious too but he wants one too. I'm 33 so don't really want to hang around. How do I go onto the thread please?