feel so low

[harleym]

Ive just had an early miscarriage. Unplanned pregnancy but I'd gotten used to it. (I did start a thread of the pregnancy forum a couple of weeks ago.

I now feel ive hit rock bottom. Feel so low. Dh who was supportive of the pregnancy seems disinterested in the miscarriage and I can't help but feel he thinks he has had a lucky escape. We were planning another baby but it was with a small amount bof reluctance on dhs part. He made no secret ofnthe fact that he wasn't too fussed about another baby but would for my sake.

I now feel he would only be agreeing to another baby to please me and if it happens then im worried I will be blamed when we hit hards times which we no doubt will at some point.

I feel so mixed up and sad.

I'm sorry you're going through this Harley- it is truly awful.
It's extra awful that you aren't getting the support you need.
How long ago was your mc?
I don't know what to suggest about your partner other than to talk. My DH is finding this very difficult to talk about and has been avoiding discussing with me in order to 'not burden me' with it. He is also being v wary about discussing trying again because his focus is my health and he doesn't want me pushing myself too soon.
We have a similar situation in terms of who wanted another one - it took me 10 years to get him to agree to this one but fundamentally, having agreed, he doesn't get to blame me when the going gets tough.
Assuming your mc was recent, I'd suggest a bit more time and discussion before being too convinced he's not up for it.
In the meantime, is he at least looking after you physically?

No advice really but I just wanted to offer my sympathy.

It must be particularly tough for you to go through an MC when your feelings aren't fully shared with your DH - with me and DH we both know we would like another child so when I've had a MC (I've recently had my second) I know that we're in it together.

You don't need to rush into deciding what to do next. Once you've had more opportunity to deal with your current loss you can talk with your DH.

Hope it all works out for you.

I've tried to reply a few times butvit hasn't worked.

I agree fairypants, if your dh has agreed to the pregnancy then he cannot complain at a later date when it's difficult. I felt like that when if told my dh I was pregnant. He was lovely even though it was unplanned and at a bad time too.

However , although he happily went along with that- mind made up etc. Its now different as ive lost it. I almost think perhaps it was a lucky escape. Yes he would have been happy with the baby but now it hasnt happened he's equally fine. Think perhaps he thinks we have missed thr boat and let's just stick with what we have.

Hes a good bloke and would do anything to make me happy. He made no secret of the fact he was happy with the dcs we had and wasnt fussed about any more.

Harleym, this could me & my dp. He's been brilliant in many ways over the first couple of days - made me laugh, looked after our 2yo son, held my hand when I was doubled over in pain.

But he's not expressed any emotion himself. He's said (albeit gently) that it wasn't a 'baby' yet, that we've got a lovely life with our son.

I wanted a cat, he didn't, we got a cat and he bloody loves the cat. He wasn't fussed with having babies, I was, we had our son and he dotes on him. I wanted a second child,he found lots of spurious research online that says only children are happier, then came round saying he understood it was important to me. Over the last few days I've wondered if in some way he's relieved.

Yesterday, two days after worse of mc and after my first day of looking after ds on my own, he made a comment about the washing up not being done (I'd done loads of washing, cleaned bathroom etc when ds was napping).

He clearly thinks now I'm not in pain or crying we should be back to normal. Dreading broaching the subject of eventually trying again. In some ways I feel maybe I should focus on just being grateful for what I have.

Thinking of you xxx

Thanks hessy its hard isn't it. My dh has been the same regarding pets too! Likes animals but woukdnt have been fussed if we hadn't had any. Looks after them all now with hardly any complaints!

I think he vwould probably have been fine if id said I wanted no children or maybe just one. I see friends partners who want their wives or girlfriend s to have babies. My dh just does not get excited about stuff like that.

After I had my mis confirmed I said please can we try for another snd he said yes if it was what I wanted. Nothing mentioned since and not not sure what to do. No doubt we will start having sex again soon. Do we use contraception or what. I don't want to start hammering on about a baby so soon but equally I don't want him to think I wasn't totally serious about trying.