Feeling lonely today

[Wantohope]

I'm having a difficult time this afternoon. Feeling all down and lonely and shit.
I had some really bad cramps this afternoon, almost as bad as when I started miscarrying.
I went to have a hot shower and I started bleeding and cramping really bad and then I passed a big clot (probably not too big to others' standards but the biggest I've seen) and it got stuck in the drain and I didn't want to look at it but I had to remove it. I don't know why, I got really scared and I started crying.
I have called my husband a couple of times and he did not answer, which is normal, he was busy at work. But he never called back and I did get a bit upset about it because I just felt like he is not taking me seriously and we had a bit of an argument when he got home. He said he thought it wasn't important and it wasn't urgent since he knew I was well an hour before. But I just don't understand what if it was an emergency...He didn't think to call back even when he had a minute, that's what I can't really understand.
And then I remembered that no one called to see how I was. My mum and my siblings all knew I was booked for a scan on Monday to check if there was a heart beat and no one bothered to ask me how that went.
I know everyone is busy and have their own problems, but it would have been nice, a text at least. I always think about everyone and try to please them all.
I just feel really bad. I did not make any friends since I moved to this country, I don't now why, it is not easy at this age.

Sorry, I know there is not much anyone can say I just wanted to let it out.
Tomorrow will be better.

Poor you .

I'm not sure from your post what position you are in. Was there no heartbeat on Monday and you are now waiting to miscarry naturally?

It must be really tough for you not to have the support you need at such a difficult time. I had a second MMC last week and have got through it with help from family and friends. It may be worth you having a look at the Miscarriage Association. I'm not sure but they may have people you could talk to.

There wasn't a heart beat on Monday and I chose the medical management route. I have started miscarrying on Monday evening and it hasn't ended yet.
You are lucky to have such a good network of support, friends and family. I know it still hurts, but it must be easier.

I went the surgical route both times so haven't been through the experience that you are currently going through. Have a chat with your DH and explain how you are feeling and that you need his support and for the next couple of weeks need him to respond to your calls as soon as is practical. He may be a bit freaked out by what's happening and not really know how to react.

Virtual hugs. It's a horrible thing to go through and you deserve to feel supported. Quite apart from anything else, sometimes bleeding can be or can feel unmanageable and you may need someone around that could take you to hospital if necessary. I think you really shouldn't be alone. Your DH needs to step up and at least be practically supportive, answering the phone to you when you are going through something so painful is not too much to ask.

Bakingtins I know, that's why I got so upset. I'm sure that if you were to ask him he'd say I am being unreasonable, but I know it could have been worse and he should have called back asap.
I know him well and I will not lie to myself trying to find him an excuse, it is not a case of him not knowing how to react.

I have just remembered that my poor grandma did ask me how I was the other day and I have told her. I've told her I was heart broken. And scared.
And she replied with the following text: " I am really sorry, I can only imagine what you're going through. Oh, you know my niece from bla bla, she just had a c section today and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, they are both well". Those were her words exactly.

Verbal diarrhoea, if you can have such a thing in a text. My husband chose to tell me that my SIL was 12 weeks pregnant with her third child the day it was confirmed I'd MC for the 4th time. He was all pleased with himself because he'd known for a few days and waited until mine was over to tell me
They say sorry, and then there is an awkward space that cries out to be filled....
The other thing you need to be prepared for are the people who try to put a positive spin on in along the lines of "it wasn't meant to be" "at least you can get pregnant" when really there are no positives when you are in the thick of it.

How are you feeling at the moment? Hope it is all settling down so you can get some rest.

Bakingtins lol, you are right. I did find an excuse for her diarrhoea however, she is getting senile. And she's had a tough life, she doesn't know what compassion is.

I feel bad to say this, but I find it really horrible to hear other's good news. And I am honestly happy for them in a parallel me, but at the same time I just don't want to know.
It must be difficult for your husband too, if your sil is his sister he is probably happy for her. And they're never too good with timings.
This past week my fb page has been inundated with new borns, it really is odd; I just don't want to log on anymore, it makes me feel such a failure.

When I found out I was pregnant, I took advice from a thread on mumsnet and announced it to the ones I love, thinking that if anything was to happen (and I didn't think for once miscarriage, but just in case it got rough) I would have liked their support. I would do it very differently now. I have to toughen up and stop expecting anything from anyone. But it's not easy.

Oh, I feel shit, I think my face is the size of Hulk's (not the football player) from all the crying and I'm sensing a bitch of a headache coming on. The bleeding has settled but the cramps are really bad at times. It feels as if I've been broken down from the middle. I feel very sore whenever I stand up or sit on my bum.
Other than that, I'm getting prepared for a Netflix marathon; another sleepless night.

If you don't mind me asking, have you had any tests following your 3rd miscarriage? I am only asking this because I know NHS only looks into it after you've had 3 consecutive ones. It feels a bit unfair to be left wondering and suffering three times when if there was a problem they could try and fix it from the start. On the other hand it is hard as they say mc is so common. It just doesn't feel right on those who actually have a problem.

Big hugs xx

It's very normal to be horribly jealous of pregnancy announcements and bumps, and to suddenly feel surrounded by them. It feels (well actually it is ) unfair that it comes so easily to some people. It helps me a bit to remember they are not having my baby, and they are not rationed. I just spent the weekend with SIL and it wasn't too bad, it helps that she is lovely, and I know the bump will be another niece or nephew that I'll love.
I had all the standard tests after MC3 and nothing found, after MC4 I went to see Prof Quenby who has been in the news recently and found I have high NK cells, so I now at least have a diagnosis and potentially a treatment. I have 2 children, first MC was between them then a successful pregnancy, it wasn't until we started to try for a third we had a series of MC, so don't feel too sorry for me, I am blessed in many ways.

Don't be put off by the experiences of recurrent miscarriage, it really is quite uncommon (1% of population will have 3MC) and the vast majority of women have had a chromosome problem and will be ok next time. I know it feels horrible that they don't do any tests first time and it's not taken seriously when it's so devastating for you. It would be much easier to embark on another pregnancy if you knew it was something unlikely to recur.
The RMC brigade probably over-represented on here because it does take over your life a bit, if your next pregnancy is successful you are too busy with baby to be posting on MC boards.

I know what you mean about lack of family support. I told my mum I was pg thinking that I'd need her support if it went wrong. I started bleeding two weeks ago today but she hasn't been any help at all. She had a mc herself but she doesn't seem to think mine counts as I was only 8 weeks when they confirmed it was all over. 'That's the trouble with knowing so early' she said. She's sent a couple of texts and called me once. Too busy with the rest of the family as usual, and doesn't seem to appreciate how hard I'm finding this. She didn't understand how hard I was finding it when we were still ttc after 20 months though.
I told my best friend but she's got two kids, not had a mc and only took a couple of months to get pg. She kept telling me what great news it was that I'd finally got pg. Even when I started crying and asked her to stop saying that as it wasn't helping, and getting pg didn't guarantee a baby anyway, she kept insisting that I should be positive. My other friend who had a mc herself has been wonderful. Been there for me much more than my mother.

How are you doing physically now wanttohope? I have stopped bleeding now but I feel totally exhausted still. I went back to work a week after it started but it was too much both emotionally and physically and I've been signed off for the rest of this week.

How are you doing today wanttohope?

Hope you are ok want we're here if you need to vent.

Hi, sorry I've been missing for a while mainly because I wanted to take my mind away from all this. Have spent all the time in bed, watching movies and eating (mostly chocolate).
The bleeding got better but today I've moved around for a bit and it got painful again (quite a lot).
I have just posted a new thread wondering if it's normal or not, not having been through this before I have nothing to relate to. Hopefully someone will be able to help, not sure if I should be worried or not.
I can stand pain but I panic easily when I don't know what is going on.

barkingtreefrog how are you feeling? Hope you feel better, physically at least. Have you tried supplementing with some vitamins, especially iron? It should help with energy levels. How many days did you take off in total?
I have asked my GP for a sick note and he told me the first 7 days are not required to be covered by a gp sick note and I can use a "self something note" (sorry didn't get what it's called).
It is not too helpful as I was hoping I'll get a signed sick note and just place under my manager's nose without any further questions.
Without it there's room for enquiries, etc and I hate lying. I think I will tell them I had a pelvic infection couple with some gastro-enteritis?! It needs to be something gynae as my manager knew I was going to have an u/s. I have told her about the ultra sound because I was getting prepared to break the pregnancy news. But it went belly up when I was told there was a missed miscarriage.

Hope you are all well

You can 'self-certify' for 5 days. I went back too early while I was still bleeding and very emotional (after 5 days off) and had to leave again, went back again today after a further 4 days off. For various reasons I decided to be honest with work and they have, in the main, been very good. Doing better now thanks, but not great. Really sorry you're still having pain. .