Waiting to miscarry naturally - need advice please!

[nightmonkey10]

Hi, I started spotting light and brown nearly two weeks ago. I knew this was normal for some during pregnancy (it was my first), but something told me that I needed to check it out. I found out a week ago that my baby didn't develop further than 7 weeks (I was supposed to be 10 weeks at the time). I was sent home to miscarry naturally. It's been 2 weeks now that I have been lightly spotting brown (sorry tmi), but nothing more. I was told that when it happens it would be quite severe. I am finding it very difficult to cope at the moment and the continuous spotting is just a constant reminder that the baby is still inside of me. As its been 4 weeks now since the I lost the baby, I am also starting to worry about infections. I literally don't know anyone who has been through this who can help me and tell me whether I should push for a D&C or not. I was initially told to go back in 3 weeks time for another scan. I don't know if I can hold out that long, but I am also worried about the risks involved in surgical intervention and my worst fear is that something would happen that would increase my chances of being unable to get pregnant again. And just briefly, secondly, I've read on some posts that people stated that they never 'felt pregnant' with the babies they miscarried. I never had any symptoms from the start and was always worried about this and what it could mean. I'd like to hear about your experiences. Thanks!

am so sorry , with my miscarriage I spotted brown blood for a week then a night of very painful cramps and very heavy bleeding and clots followed by what was like a very heavy period. I would advise to get some decent painkillers codeine at the very least.
Please go back to the hospital if you are worried even if it is just for a chat.

Nightmonkey, I'm so sorry for you.

I have unfortunately been in this position a few times now & had natural MCs as well as ERPC

What I would say from my own experience is:

1. Ask for an ERPC date so that you have a definite deadline- waiting indefinitely whilst thinking it might happen at any moment is terribly, terribly hard.

My EPU send you home to wait with a date booked in for the procedure if it doesn't happen naturally- this is a good compromise, I think. It does mean there is always an end in sight. I would insist on a definitive date at this point.

1. There are very slight risks with an ERPC, namely the general anaesthetic and also a very, very tiny risk of scarring apparently. It has never worried me as they are really extremely small. I worked out, for example, that the risk of getting run over crossing the road was higher.

1. I have also found erpc's to be good in terms of controlling the pain & a quick recovery afterwards.

1. As far as I am aware there is no real risk of infection in allowing the NC to take its course if you want to do this- my first one they only intervened 6 weeks after the MC was confirmed as I was still showing no signs of bleeding at all, so if you want to hold out, you can.

1. Natural MC's can be very painful and messy. Particularly if it has progressed to 7 weeks. I have had ones like heavy periods, but that has been when it has not really developed past week 4. It tends to be a few hours of contraction like pains, with the passing of big clots, and then once they are all passed, a few days of bleeding with some discomfort. You will need big strong pads, painkillers, some comfy trousers you feel secure in ifswim and things to distract you.

1. Docs/ nurses have their own procedures and tend to like to stick to them. If this doesn't sit right with you then be prepared to be a good advocate for yourself - yes I know it is a horrible time and it is the last thing in the world you feel like doing- but you are the only one who can do this.

I have found repeating 'No, that won't work for me, I couldn't cope with that option' again and again does work (eg if they are insisting you should go home and wait when you feel you need an erpc, or if they are pressuring you into a procedure you aren't ready for). Your feelings about the situation are important and they need to take these into account.

Look after yourself,

Thank you both. Armadale, I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this a few times. I cannot imagine what that is like. This one time has been enough to drain me of all energy and I just don't feel like doing anything.

Take your time, its fine to feel like that, it is a horrible thing to cope with.

And don't let my experience scare you- your risk of MC in a second PG if you first ended in MC is NO HIGHER than someone who has never had a MC.

Nightmonkey

I had full pregnancy symptoms up until the day before I started spotting at 11 weeks. I miscarried over the following 2 days and bled heavily for another 6 days until I passed the last couple of clots, and then it all settled down. I discovered at an emergency scan that the baby hadn't developed beyond 6 weeks (if at all, as it was not a proper scan, being a weekend, and by the time I had a proper scan there was nolonger a sac, so there's a chance that it was a blighted ovum)....so anyway, I went at least 5 weeks before my body miscarried naturally, and I had morning sickness, metallic taste and sore boobs etc up until then.

I was on one of the ante natal forums before my mc, and lots of ladies on there didn't have symptoms, but it seems most of them were fine when checked out at scans, so I don't think lack of symptoms necessarily means a mc is inevitable, and in my case I had all the symptoms despite having no development after 6 weeks. Everyone is different it seems.

I hope this helps!

nightmonkey I am very sorry that you've lost your baby. I think armadale has given you very good advice. It's not acceptable to be left in limbo for weeks wondering when it will all happen, the EPU should have discussed the options of surgical or medical management with you as well as expectant management ("wait and see")
3 weeks seems like a long time to leave it, particularly since you then may have to wait again for a date for surgery, unless it was your express wish to avoid any intervention.
The miscarriage association site has information on all three options that might help you decide what you want to happen from this point. I think once you've made a decision you need to phone EPU (or get DH/DP to do it on your behalf) and do "broken record" (state what you want over and over again) until someone listens to you.
I've had both natural and medically managed miscarriages, and effectively an ERPC to remove retained placenta after the birth of my son, and my personal preference would be for surgery. A natural/medical miscarriage can be painful and physically distressing, as well as going on for days or weeks. For most people the ERPC option seems to mean the worst is over with very quickly.
I don't think how pregnant you felt is a reliable guide. Some people do seem to lose all their symptoms and know something has gone wrong, but others get to 12 weeks feeling very pregnant with no inkling that baby is not developing. The fact that you have not actually miscarried yet means your body still thinks you are pregnant and your hormone levels have not dropped sufficiently to allow the miscarriage to happen.

Firstly, sending you massive hugs. If it hasn't happened yet stock up on some mega painkillers, make sure you have a hot water bottle handy. The worst of mine lasted two nights and i was so fortunate that my amazing hubby camped out in the bathroom with me. Take the painkillers when you get the first spasm's and cramps. If you can get your hands on Buscopan then do so. It really helps with the cramps. Hot water bottles are a godsend. Call the hospital if you get a temperature though as it means you have an infection. Get someone to rub your back, sit with you, bring you drinks and give you hugs if you can.

it's hard and it's horribly sad but you will get past it. xxx

Oh and i went through it naturally xx

I'm very sorry nightmonkey. You've had some good advice here. I think if you decide ERPC is the option for you don't take no for an answer. It's not fair just to leave you indefinitely.

I miscarried naturally earlier this year. The baby had died about 8 weeks, I found out at 10 weeks and 2.5 weeks later. I don't think there's anything you can particularly do to speed things up but I read somewhere that exercise can help, and mine happened properly after a long bike ride I think. I am glad I miscarried at home and saw the baby, it was the right thing for me, but I was not prepared for how painful it was so I definitely second the advice to get some good painkillers. Mine happened overnight and after that I bled for a few days and had spotting for another week or so.

I found the leaflet from the Miscarriage Association about choices helpful. I wish you as easy a path as possible.

Typo- I miscarried 2.5 weeks after I found out.

Thank you all for the kind words and hugs. Armadale, I'm going for your advice to schedule an EPRC just after my scan that is due next Wednesday. I really hoped I would miscarry naturally, but I am at the point now where I am so tired of waiting and that frustration has completely taken over my life. Tomorrow was due to be my 12 week scan, so it has been 5 weeks since the baby passed. There has been a change that I am now bleeding more and bright red, but even that has lasted for 3 days with no change. Being at work is making me very nervous, as I don't know when its going to happen and I cannot take the time off indefinitely. Sorry for the rant!

Hi night monkey, sadly I am very similar to you I think. Have been spotting for five days and have been waiting for nature to take its course, confirmed at a scan that there was no heartbeat and must have stopped growing at 8 weeks, spotting started at 12+4.

I was hoping this would happen much quicker but think it will go on for weeks at this rate, think I'm going to have to push for the operation as this is just getting me down. Really want to get back to work etc and the normal stuff I did.

How are things going, are you going to call and ask for the EPRC? Really feel for you as I'm finding it tough too,

Hi Chosenbyyou, so sorry to hear you are going through this as well. I have tried to call the hospital several times to request an EPRC date, and I am currently awaiting a call back. I have been spotting for over 2 weeks now and it is becoming mentally unbearable. I really wish for you that you will not have to wait as long as I am. I've read various stories on blogs like this www.tcoyf.com/forums/t/4485.aspx?PageIndex=15 and looks like everyone has a different experience. I read everywhere that I will need industrial sized pads, but I have no idea where to find them. Anyway, these are the things that are consuming my thoughts at the moment. Good luck and I believe every day will get easier.

nightmonkey I think that maternity pads are sometimes recommended. Personally I didn't need any and was fine with ordinary pads once the actual miscarriage had happened. I knew it was coming because of the pains so I just put a dark towel under me in bed. Don't stress about getting special pads.

Hope you get a reply soon. The waiting is hard.