Emotionally a mess - hormones?

[maybemyrtle]

Feeling very sad at the moment - this miscarriage experience has been going on now for a month. Suspected ectopic - emergency lap - suggestion of twins - static HCG levels - heavy bleeding and finally HCG crashed from 6000 to 600 last week. I've been pretty stoic throughout, it was early so I'd not invested in it (mmc last year picked up at 12 wk scan that devastated me). It's been such a bloody trial since the mmc, I stopped ovulating and only conceived this time after 3 cycles of clomid. I know I should feel lucky that I can get pregnant, with help, but I've no kids yet and I'm nearly 37 and I just feel so angry and sad and helpless and I can't stop crying or bloody eating..............

When I was last at EPU the nurse said that the hormonal shift after a miscarriage was similar to after giving birth, but with no baby to distract you. Has anyone else felt like this and when will my hormones rebalance and go back to normal? I really want to do a preg test to see if it's negative yet but I don't think it will be. I have an amazing DP but there's not really anything that anyone can do except wait. Just want to feel like "me" again. :(

Thanks for letting me vent.

You are dealing with the hormonal disturbance of a miscarriage coupled with grief so you are bound to feel like this. I think it's normal and to be expected. It might be worth doing a pregnancy test to see if it is negative and that might be the reassurance you need to see things settling down. Are you having your hCG measured again? You aren't old and you have conceived before so try not to worry about that, I know that's easier said than done.

Sorry myrtle it's a horrid time. Hormones crashing coupled with grief and loss is a powerful cocktail. It's normally taken me about 3 weeks after the actual physical loss to get a negative HPT, from 8-9 weeks pregnant. The first AF is a bit of a kick in the teeth then I normally feel hormonally back on a relatively even keel. Be kind, don't put any pressure on yourself to be ok by a certain point. It's a bit cyclical for me anyway, I'll feel better for a while then have a bit of a relapse, but over time the good periods get longer and the sad moments briefer and less frequent.

Just want to say thank you for your replies, and you're so right about it being a powerful cocktail. Felt so overwhelmed by it's just not fair!!!! when I posted so thank you for taking the time to respond. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone - although it goes without saying that I'm so sorry for your losses and I wish none of us were on this board...

How are you doing today? I had an erpc two weeks ago today after a mmc at 10 weeks. I went back to work after a week's sick leave and some pre-booked holiday two days ago, and today I'm struggling badly. It's hard putting on the "I'm ok" front, and all the people from my antenatal thread are starting to have successful 12 week scans now (mine was booked for the 28th). All I want to do is go back to bed and cry.

It's just so tough, isn't it.... I definitely noticed a shift after six weeks. I felt less tearful and much more myself again. I think it is v much like when you have a baby, as after I had a mmc at 12 weeks (stopped growing at 9 wks), I went on to get pregnant 3 months later and now have a one year old. I was also v tearful and fragile for six weeks after her birth in a v similar way but with her to distract. I really would agree with the advice you were given.
Please take it very easy. You have been through a lot and it is so hard. I used to cry all the way to and from work in the car, then go in and put on a brave face. I only took the day of the ERPC and the day after off. With hindsight I wish I'd put myself first. I needed some space to recover and never gave myself it, so that when I became pregnant, I had not dealt with all my feelings re the loss and so became extremely anxious. It was a hard time. Obv you may be really different... Take care.