Exhausted after medical management, EPRC and 3 months of pregnancy

[Katie6391]

I don't know what to do with myself today. I went for my 13 week scan last Wednesday only to be told by the sonographer that the baby had no heartbeat. I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I have been feeling so sick and so tired since early June. I asked when it had happened as I still felt all my symptoms. She measured the baby and said it was 12+5 weeks. So it had only just happened. We were taken up to a ward and I was seen quickly by a registrar and offered three choices. I went for medical management of missed miscarriage as I was terrified of having a general anaesthetic as I have a two year old already to care for. I liked the idea of taking a pill there and then and getting the miscarriage started.

Then I went home to return to the hospital 48 hours later for more pills. My husband and me were in shock. We had expected to come out with our baby's scan picture but got a leaflet on missed miscarriage instead.

We went back Friday morning and I started the drugs. I knew there would be pain but I was not sure what it would be like as I had a Caesarian with my daughter as she was breech. I got pain and bleeding in the afternoon but then it went in the evening. I started the drugs again on Saturday morning. It was very frustrating as I just wanted it all over. I asked about surgery as I was getting desperate and was told that as the baby was nearly 13 weeks medical management was a better option as the baby was quite big. So we stuck it out. Suddenly at 3.30pm the pain came on in waves. I miscarried at 5pm but then the placenta wouldn't come out. I ended up having EPRC at midnight on Saturday. In the end it the surgery wasn't that bad and I was glad to have it finished. I came home Sunday morning.

But what do I do now? I have felt so ill since June and my body put so much effort into that baby and then it died anyway. It is the months of effort that are hard to deal with. The miscarriage itself was over 5 horrible days but this has been going on for months. I know it could have been worse. The baby could have died later. But it is still so hard to come to terms with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Xxx

So sorry for your loss. There is not much you can do. You have to allow yourself to grieve, you have lost a baby. Take it easy, one day at a time. Rest, rest some more, and when you think you've had enough, rest again. Get your DH to provide cake and teas. And cuddles.

Slowly, it will get better.

Katie I'm so sorry you have lost your baby. It takes it out of you physically, on top of months of feeling rubbish from early pregnancy. Your hormones will be crashing down, and the emotional trauma also takes it's toll. If you work make sure you are signed off for a couple of weeks and that someone is looking after your DC so you can rest. You need some headspace to allow you to come to terms with the loss and grieve.
I've found it very helpful to have a little ceremony to say goodbye e.g. Plant a tree. The baby's life, however short, was important and it helps to acknowledge that.

Thanks for your kind replies. I am tempted to try to get back to 'normal' as soon as possible and just get on with things like housework and looking after DC but I will follow advice to get some rest and let other people help. xxx