Please help mmc

[bluelighthouse]

Hi, I would be so grateful for some advice.

Unfortunately discovered at my 12 week scan I had experienced a mmc (probably about 7 weeks). I now have to wait over 2 weeks for a second scan to confirm the baby has definitely died - it clearly has, it was tiny, and no heart beat.

Is this usual? I assumed I would be offered an ERPC straight away but now I'm faced with a long wait and then discussing a plan in what to do. It's possible I could be 10 weeks by dates but this still means waiting a minimum of carrying a dead baby for 5 weeks - is this really safe?

How do I face work in between? I know I'm going to need time off after the ERPC. What are the chances of me misc naturally before my next scan (spotting a bit now). Would you recommend working know a natural misc could be imminent?

Thank you so much in advance if you do have any wise words or could share your experience of care following a mmc

Sorry for the terrible spelling and grammar!

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I think it's standard practice to re scan after two weeks. With one of my miscarriages I had to go through this, the waiting is horrible. I think they do this when you are so early in the pregnancy as 'natural' miscarriage is less invasive. When I had it, it was no worse than a heavy period. If you are spotting I think it's likely you will miscarry naturally. Work really depends on how you feel, if you want to go you should be okay too, but please give yourself time to come to terms with your miscarriage. It can suddenly hit you out of the blue, I hope you go as ' okay' as you can over the next couple of weeks.

If you want to ask me anything please feel free to pm me.

Just be kind to yourself, rest and take each day as it comes.

I can't really add anything productive, but I am so sorry you are going through this.

bluelighthouse

So sorry you are going through this.

The reason they may want to do a later scan is in case your dates were wrong and the baby is actually only 6 weeks...in which case the heartbeat sometimes isn't yet able to be picked up on the scan. They would not want to rush into an ERPC in case the baby is still growing.

I had a natural miscarriage just 4 days before my 12 week scan, however from what they told me in A&E the baby had died several weeks earlier. I had no spotting at all until the day before the miscarriage, so it could be that you will start quite soon.
I would advise you to take a day or two off work and see if the bleeding settles down.
You would definitely not want to go through a miscarriage at work. Although it seems that with a very early miscarriage it can be like a heavy period, by 11 or 12 weeks it is (or at least was for me) like going through labour. I had contractions, and I bled profusely and passed very large clots (bigger than egg size) so much so that I had to go to A&E as I was practically passing out on the bathroom floor.
Although the foetus itself is very small, as it stopped growing early on, the uterus can continue to grow, and so there can be a fair amount of tissue to pass.
I knew none of this before losing my baby, and it came as quite a shock.
I have done a lot of reading since, and I think it is better to be over prepared and aware of what could happen rather than assuming it will just be like a heavy period.

I found this thread after I had miscarried, but it helped me to understand that what I went through was "normal"....
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you too. I had mmc nearly three weeks ago - found at 12 week scan too. I was in for erpc the next day. I am so sorry you have to wait so long. I completely understand as once I knew it had gone wrong I just wanted to get it over with physically so I could move on emotionally. On the other hand I think it's good that the nurses are giving it time and double checking if they can't be completely sure.

I think I got put through unusually fast. The midwife said that it's very common for women to mc naturally once they know they are having an mmc (ie before their erpc appt arrives). May be psychological?

I'm not sure about work, but if you can face it it might be good to have something else to focus on? Completely depends how much support and understanding you would get there.

My thoughts are with you, it's a rubbish situation to be in, but 3 weeks on I'm really beginning to look forward and think about trying again after af. Good luck xx

I am so sorry you are going through this OP. I had it happen to me over Xmas. I was only made to wait a week, which was long enough as l was 100% certain my dates were correct. It is agonising.

Around the time of my scan I did have some light spotting, but it never developed into a bleed, and I had an ERPC.

I would ring the EPU and question the two week wait or at least clarify why they have that policy, I don't think it is a blanket one. I would also ask to be put on the list for theatre on the day you have your repeat scan, so that you know you can have your ERPC as soon as it is possible and you won't have any more waiting.

Regarding work, I would take off all the time that you feel you need, before and after your ERPC. It can be hard to claim the recovery time you need after a MC because they are not properly talked about and it is not socially acknowledged how hard and draining they can be. I rushed back and it was a big mistake, and hit me very hard later, first physically and then mentally a little way down the road. It's a very hard thing to go through and you need to allow yourself time to process it all.

I really wish you well - I am also happy for you to pm me if you have any questions or just need to vent to someone who has been there.

Thank you so much for your quick and supportive posts. I am truly overwhelmed but the support from this forum.

I am praying for a quick and natural end to this agony so I can move on.

Sorry you are going through this. The wait between scans was far worse than the actual mc for me. Over 2 weeks seems long. You might want to question this. My two scans were a week apart. I really wanted to mc naturally as i don't deal well with anaesthetic, and I did, shortly after the 2nd scan. I carried on working but I am not sure that I was a lot of use to anyone. I had one day of bad pain and passed what I think was the sac the next day and then it was just like a heavy period (bleeding lasted 2 weeks in all).

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Sometimes with a MMC I have spotted and this has led to a natural miscarriage, sometimes I have spotted but it never progressed and I had to have an ERPC anyway, It doesn't seem that one always follows the other, unfortunately.

There is apparently no risk of waiting an additional 2 weeks.

I don't know where you are in the country, but if they are following national protocols, which they probably are, the 2 week wait is to do with the size of the baby- the head to rump measurement at the scan is used to determine whether they can proceed immediately to erpc or if they need to wait and rescan- I can't remember what the measurement is exactly but it is around 7+2weeks - if it is definitely over 7 weeks then they don't need to wait, if the size could indicate it is 6+5, say, it is not definite that the HB would show up until 7 so they have to wait to check, I know the waiting is absolutely heartbreaking.

I have over-ridden it before. I was absolutely CERTAIN of my dates- have a 28 day regular cycle and got two BFP on day 28 so I knew I was absolutely definitely 10 weeks and not 6, and they did agree to perform the ERPC without the two week wait, if you feel you can not wait and are settled in your mind that the dates are right it would be worth discussing with them.

IME whether a MC feels like a heavy period depends upon when the baby stopped growing- I have had one whereby it was just like a very heavy period, but my HCG levels before it started suggested that the baby had stopped developing at 4 weeks.

For me, a MC of a 7 week one is NOT at all like a heavy period- it is very very painful, I pass huge clots and is NOT at all something I could take in my stride, so I would unfortunately prepare for this eventuality.

I needed time off, support, strong painkillers, lots of thick pads with wings (it is dangerous to use tampons even though the temptation is to use them so you don't have to look at what is going on), dvd box sets etc.
Once it started properly it was about 4 hours of bad pain with clots, and then about 5 days of spotting afterwards.

So sorry OP. I discovered at 12 wk scan 2.5 years ago that I had a mmc. I was allowed to go for erpc with no rescan, something to so with the size of the sac. I had erpc 5 days later. MN was a great source of support for me and I hope you've found that too. I found waiting for erpc the hardest part. Sending you love.

sorry, just realised head to rump measurement is the wrong phrase, this was what they called the measurement for a 2nd tri MMC, it is size of sac they measure at this point.

Again, thank you so much for all your kind replies. Sorry for your losses and thank you for sharing. You are such a wonderful group if women.

The post you recommended has been wonderful. I feel prepared for the worst and know when I need to go in for help (I had no advice before, just told to come in for another scan).

Im feeling fairly strong today. Although I'm struggling at night. I wish this wasn't such a 'hidden' event. The information and advice is what makes it a bit easier. The unknown is what is so scary for me right now.

I really can't thank you enough. I will keep you updated.

Yes it's a horrible dark and unknown world you step into with a MC but you will find it full of people who've been there willing to support you through it.

There's a book I read that I found ever so helpful after my MC called Unspeakable Losses (or maybe Unspoken Losses). I would recommend it.