Not how it should have been..

[Zumbasmyfave]

Hi all.
Went for my dating scan on Thursday 15th expecting to be told I was around 12 weeks.. I had been feeling really nauseous and tired all the way through but it had eased off jut over a week ago so believed I was starting to turn a corner. I felt great. How cruel and misleading. Instead, after wht felt like the sonographer checking and double checking for hours.. Me & Dh were told there was no heart beat and the baby measured at about 8 1/2 weeks.

I cannot believe how devastated I feel. Dh had real trouble coming to terms with it and kept saying they must've made a mistake (they hadn't). I don't want to see or talk to anyone and when I went to the supermarket yesterday all I could see was pregnant women & babies. Feeling barricading the door.

Went to the EPU yesterday and was assessed by a young male junior dr. Felt really fobbed off & insignificant. He obviously didnt have much experience as I think I knew more than he did about it! (Had placement as student nurse in gynae). Anyway I'm booked in for ERPC for tues.

Glad I found this section. It's so sad to see how many others are going through the same but also is helping to make me feel less isolated.

Sorry it's a long post. Just need to vent.
Xxx

[Zumbasmyfave]

Feeling dreadful today. In on nights which I hate with a passion at the best of times.. I find they make me really grouchy no matter how much sleep I manage to get.

Burst into tears at the end of my shift this morning when I had to tell one of my seniors who didnt know. She gave me a hug and said 'it just wasn't meant to be' don't you just hate that?! I'm just feeling so angry about it all.

Tomorrows my 1st wedding anniversary.. Wish I felt more positive. I know it's the night-shift-blues making it worse but I just want to be pregnant again. Just feel totally robbed,

Hope everyone is well & having a good weekend!

Xxx