Sad, frightened and exhausted

[Ponyfeet]

Last Thursday night I miscarried. I should have been 8 weeks but after some light bleeding a scan revealed the baby was more like 5 weeks and no heartbeat was detected. I was sent home to miscarry at home and had one of the most frightening, lonely nights ever (my DH was with me but was also very scared) since then I have been signed off work for a week as my iron levels were very low after losing so much blood and quite frankly I'm an exhausted wreck.

I'm over the physical pain now and trying to get myself better with lots of healthy food and iron tablets but I didn't expect to feel this lost and sad. In just a few weeks my husband and I had had our lives change, for the better. We were SO excited about being first time parents. DH is a farmer and we live in the countryside with horses, dogs and open fields, and I was going to give up work, and I had this funny little day dream about me and my baby taking lunch up to my husband on the combine. We had even talked about getting our baby his or hers first pony!! In short, we were in this happy little bubble and had so enjoyed our secret, and we were going to tell our parents the very weekend I miscarried.

I can't help but feel cheated, and bitter. I'm a very happy smiley person by nature and I hate that I'm being so jealous. For example I don't want to go back to work and face a pregnant colleague who eats 5 bags of crisps a day and moans constantly about needing a holiday before everything is 'ruined' I feel like screaming at people like that, why you??? Why couldn't I be the one that had a healthy baby?? I did everything right, but I still lost my baby!!!

Please tell me it gets better. We want to try again, but I need to get myself out of this sad hole first :(

[katherine12345]

so sorry for your loss, i am feeling much the same at the moment going through my second m/c in a few months, you are not alone and im sure you will start to feel better with time, lots of hugs to you!

[Apileofballyhoo]

I'm sorry for your loss too. I lost my baby in January at 12 weeks. It's very sad. Allow yourself time to grieve. It is natural to feel angry and upset and cheated. I really miss my little baby and felt so lost.

[Bakingtins]

Pony I'm very sorry you lost your baby. Everything you are feeling now is very normal, and I promise you it will get better, but you need to allow yourselves to feel all the emotions that are part of the grieving process. You are grieving not just for a 'bundle of cells' but for all the potential that new life had and all it meant for you as a family. I'm sure there will be children, ponies and trips to meet Daddy on the combine in your future, but you need to come to terms with it not being just as you had envisaged it at this point in time.

[escorpion]

So sorry Ponyfeet I am also a daydreamer, thinking about how life would be with a child, so it is heartbreaking when it doesn´t work out. Just letting you know I am thinking of you.

[HeatherSprouse]

I feel so sorry for you but kids are hard to handle at time especially with there behaver at times but sorry for your loss xx