struggling a bit this week....

omama · 2013-07-10T08:00:07+00:00

Hi all. I had a mmc 2weeks ago at 11+4 (baby measured <6 wks). I thought I was coping ok (probably a bit too well) but I'm suddenly finding things really tough. [sad] I'm heartbroken that we lost our longed for baby (ttc 15 months) & I'm sad for ds that he won't be having a sibling that is close in age (he's almost 3). But what I'm finding hardest to come to terms with at the moment is that the plans we'd started to make, can't happen anymore. These aren't even related to the baby but affect ds & the time that I am able to spend with him before he starts school (less now bc I won't be on maternity leave).I feel so cheated.[sad] I've also upset dh now too. He's been desperate for a shag since a few days post mc & I've made him wait til I stopped bleeding but I still don't feel mentally ready to do it. He says I'm giving mixed messages as I'd told him I wanted to start ttc asap, but my actions say otherwise as each time he comes near me i push him away. Its true, but only because I'm absolutely petrified of it happening again. He's been so understanding & supportive so far but I fear he's losing patience with me. don't really know how to articulate my inner turmoil to him. It took us so long to get to this stage & I so desperately want another baby, but fear is getting the better of me. I know deep down this probably means I'm not ready but I can't bring myself to admit it, esp since its just delaying things even more. I keep bursting into tears & can't stop myself. I need to hold it together & put a smile on for ds, & its so hard. Just needed to vent really.

3 replies

omama · 10/07/2013 09:00

Hi all. I had a mmc 2weeks ago at 11+4 (baby measured

OP posts:

Purplefrogshoe · 10/07/2013 09:21

I'm so sorry for your loss, I had mc and ERPC last week and I feel the same today, this is my 3rd mc, you have to allow yourself time to grieve, I am all over the place but I'm trying to take it one day at a time and I promise you it does get easier, be kind to yourself and try and talk to DH xx

Bakingtins · 10/07/2013 13:12

I'm sorry you lost your baby. You are absolutely right that it's not just the pregnancy but all the plans you had for your family that you need to grieve for. 2 weeks is such a short time even for physical recovery to happen, you may feel emotionally fragile for some time to come.
Don't know if it's worth telling DH you need to wait for at least one period before TTC, gives you a bit more breathing space? It shouldn't take much imagination to understand you need a few hugs and no pressure at the moment.

WibWoo · 10/07/2013 13:46

Hi omama. Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and offer you some support.
I had a similar experience a month ago in terms of mc and also in terms of a delayed reaction. I realised after reading posts on here how common that is. I guess there is do much to deal with physically that you go in to emotional survival mode for a while.
I'm still really early on too in terms of dealing with it all so no words of wisdom just wanted to send a hug and say how sad I am for the heart ache and lost dreams. You sound like such a lovely Mum wanting that time with your DS before he goes to school.

Flip