Bad Day

[cerysmax]

VERY bad day...just not coping too well. Husband has decided to talk to my friend, rather than me, about losing the baby 3 weeks ago.

He reckons I won't talk about it, when he is the one refusing to discuss feelings with me. I am fed up with his attitude, shouting and namecalling.

I have booked the doctors for Thursday, cos he thinks I should be 'sectioned'!!!! Really, because I am grieving differently to him and crying? I don't want to be near him.

The other day (after we had agreed to TTC), he said he was gonna take up smoking again so that 'all his sperm would die' and he wouldn't then be able to have a baby with me. Today he has said that he will be ringing for a vasectomy cos I am not capable of raising kids.

I actually hate him right now. I am in pieces and if I had somewhere to go with the kids (they're not his), then I would bloody well go.

Why can't he just leave me to grieve in my own way?I am annoyed that he chose to speak to MY friend instead of me and now its hushed phone calls and secret texts. Well, sod both of them.

Sorry, but I am feeling so angry and bitter at the moment (I know its supposed to be normal part of grieving), and I am just sounding off, but who else can I tell.

Really not expecting a response, just thought I might feel better if I get my hurt off my chest. Sorry again, x

I think katatonic is wiser than she claims. I'm sorry you are having such a shit time, cerys and that your DH is not supporting you. Emotions are running very high for you both and it's not a time to make any major decisions about your future together. I don't think that excuses your DH's behaviour, but perhaps it goes some way to explaining it. He probably feels completely helpless to make it better for you - typical man to panic as soon as there is something they can't "fix".
I don't think any of the feelings you've expressed are outside the boundaries of a normal response to a loss and I'm sure your GP will say the same. Is it worth asking if you can be referred for couples counselling to someone with experience in miscarriage or bereavement? Maybe a neutral space and someone to act as mediator would help you to talk to each other?

Thanks Kat and Baking,

You both speak a lot of sense, and under different circumstances I daresay your wise words would help in a lot of ways.

As it is, it doesn't really matter now as we have decided to separate.

Emotional blackmail over TTC has not helped me a great deal and I daresay there are things that he hates about me.

Many thanks for your kind supportive words, and I hope you both find what you are looking for. xx

Cerys I'm so sorry. I hope you are getting plenty of RL support.

Thanks Baking,

Better now mind, than had I managed to get pregnant again.

Feeling very calm and a bit angry this morning, but feeling better than I have in a long time. Must be for the best. xx