I had an ERPC yesterday. My third mc. I had strong symptoms, saw the heartbeat. Due in the New Year, I imagined a girl, and called her Oriane (rising dawn). To symbolise the return of the sun at the turning of the year.
I wrote a poem to express what happened and to remember her.
The New Year Baby
You were expected
at year's end
right after the darkest days
We built a fire
wrote our hopes wishes and dreams in flesh
And walked into the flames.
You never know
if the sparks will fly
But they did
suddenly
with the shocking hope of new life
as is the way
Oriane
our Golden Dawn
would tilt the earth on it's axis
Your light
would bring back the sun
We would have let ourselves burn
through the seasons for you
sacrificed our pound of flesh
For your new day
But you know
how hard it can be
to keep the fires lit
A cold draught
A sudden ill wind.
And it died down
burnt out
Oriane
I couldn't believe you were gone
Surely your embers glowed
ready to burst into flame again?
I sank to my knees
buried my face in the ashes
blowing, stoking,scrabbling for fuel
No use
Then it was as if nothing had ever burnt at all
No signs
Apart from the hank of flesh in the grate
The slick of grease.
A cold black stain.
No New Year's Dawn
this year
What could I do?
Every housekeeper knows
You sweep out the ashes
You scrub the hearth clean
You gather wood in neat piles.
You lay the fire
and wait.