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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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In memory of my baby

16 replies

donttrythisathome · 04/06/2013 13:36

I had an ERPC yesterday. My third mc. I had strong symptoms, saw the heartbeat. Due in the New Year, I imagined a girl, and called her Oriane (rising dawn). To symbolise the return of the sun at the turning of the year.

I wrote a poem to express what happened and to remember her.

The New Year Baby

You were expected
at year's end

right after the darkest days

We built a fire
wrote our hopes wishes and dreams in flesh
And walked into the flames.

You never know
if the sparks will fly

But they did
suddenly
with the shocking hope of new life

as is the way

Oriane
our Golden Dawn
would tilt the earth on it's axis

Your light
would bring back the sun

We would have let ourselves burn
through the seasons for you

sacrificed our pound of flesh
For your new day

But you know
how hard it can be
to keep the fires lit

A cold draught
A sudden ill wind.

And it died down

burnt out

Oriane
I couldn't believe you were gone
Surely your embers glowed
ready to burst into flame again?

I sank to my knees
buried my face in the ashes
blowing, stoking,scrabbling for fuel

No use

Then it was as if nothing had ever burnt at all

No signs
Apart from the hank of flesh in the grate
The slick of grease.

A cold black stain.

No New Year's Dawn
this year

What could I do?

Every housekeeper knows

You sweep out the ashes
You scrub the hearth clean
You gather wood in neat piles.

You lay the fire

and wait.

OP posts:
BabyStone · 04/06/2013 13:40

Beautiful poem, I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care and keep writing poems

Startail · 04/06/2013 13:41

That is beautiful, I hope one day you get your golden dawn.

donttrythisathome · 04/06/2013 13:49

Thank you, it's cathartic.

OP posts:
shellmck · 04/06/2013 20:23

so sorry for your loss, what a lovely poem.

Bakingtins · 04/06/2013 23:24

What a great poem - you managed to express so much of what it's like to lose a baby. I love the imagery at the end about re-laying the fire. I hope that it was healing writing it, and thanks for sharing. I'm sure many of us will get something from it. One day you'll be rewarded with a roaring fire.

RainbowConnections · 05/06/2013 03:59

This is beautiful donttrythisathome.

My due date was Christmas Eve on the second anniversary of the death of a relative who found life too sad. I thought this baby would bring joy back to what is now a sad time of year for my family.
A lot to expect of one little life but babies are that amazing.
Your words are perfect.

I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for the poem.

RainyDay7 · 05/06/2013 07:49

Donttrythisathome ,This is so lovely and expresses so much. I had my ERPC on the 3rd too. I couldn't write a poem but I wrote our little one a letter. Your so right it's so cathartic to put your feelings and thoughts down. I have printed my letter on special paper and have put it in special remembering box that I made a few years back. It has photo's and mementos of people that have touched my life but are no longer with me. For the massive hole they leave our little ones don't leave us much in the way of physical things to hold onto. Wishing you hope for the future and thank you so much for sharing.

donttrythisathome · 05/06/2013 18:38

Thanks Baking, it made me cry a lot, which is good I suppose.

Rainbow, thank you and sorry about your loss. I agree, babies are that fabulous.

Rainy, I hope you are ok. I didn't bleed at all after ERPC, hoping that's a good thing and it's not just all delayed! I have a fuzzy scan picture which I will keep together with this poem. I feel bad I have nothing for the last two mcs, but they are all included in this.

OP posts:
RainyDay7 · 05/06/2013 21:10

Donttrythisathome, It has been a really rough road for me physically.This is my first pregnancy and first miscarriage. I stared bleeding on the 7th, In the meantime I have gone through several heavy losses of blood and clotts and even what felt like contractions the pain was so intense, but still didn't manage to pass everything on my own. When we finally decided to do the ERPC I had to wait over week for it. I am still bleeding after the ERPC but only lightly. I am more tired than anything just walking to the shops is exhausting. I think the one thing I learned from this is that no miscarriage is the same for any one and our bodies and minds all deal with it differently!
Emotionally, I know that my feelings are totally normal and being very gentle with myself and hubby. I have been trying to keep positive, I have been watching comedy movies and shows, but also letting myself cry when I need to. We even laid some flowers in our local churches remembrance garden. It has been so helpful to read other people's stories on here. Hugs

TwentyTinyToes · 05/06/2013 22:21

Your poem is absolutely beautiful, i keep returning to read it, so sorry for your losses. X

Weegiemum · 05/06/2013 22:27

Dont, thankyou for sharing with us and posting your poem.

I've lost 3 babies to early 2nd trimester mc (also have 3 great galumphing louts now!) and though I'm no longer distressed by this, I am still quietly sad. I'm glad I went on "laying the fire", I wouldn't have my dc otherwise.

Thinking of you, and of Oriane.

DomesticCEO · 05/06/2013 22:33

Beautiful poem. I wrote a poem when we lost our twins in 2006. It was, as you say, very cathartic.

All the best for the future x

Mummytothearkbuilder · 05/06/2013 22:37

Dont thank you for sharing your poem - it's lovely and I'm so sorry for your loss.

We are experiencing our 2nd miscarriage in 4 months and I'm scheduled for an ERPC on Friday. We are drained by the whole process but I think it really helps to write things down - your poem is beautiful xx

Bakingtins · 06/06/2013 07:14

Oh Mummy I'm so sad to see you back here. Massive hugs.

donttrythisathome · 06/06/2013 10:45

Thanks Twentyteenytoes, I love that you have re-read it.

Weegie - I am so sorry for your losses, but you have given me a lot of hope. Thank you.

Domestic - my poem has helped me a lot, although it makes me very sad. Well, maybe it is that it helps me to feel the sadness, which is a good thing.

Mummytothearkbuilder - I'm so sorry. It is heartbreaking. For me, though the ERPC drew a line under things and I could start to truly feel the loss and start dealing with it.

I've rewritten the poem slightly now, for my blog, as it needed some tweaks. It's almost identical though.

OP posts:
DomesticCEO · 06/06/2013 14:59

I think you do need to feel the sadness donttry - we did. We cried many tears for our babies, and the baby we lost 6 months after that too.

We then went on to have two beautiful little boys, but I still grieve for the babies I lost and for the futures they will never have.

Miscarriage is still such a misunderstood loss x

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