So I've just been to A&E and had it confirmed...

[RaRaZ]

...that I've miscarried. We don't know how far along, but probably 4/5 weeks. The pain's pretty bad and it hurts emotionally too. Does anything make it better? And, without wanting to offend anyone as no doubt some of you have had it far worse than me, does anything make it less likely to happen again?? Really scared I won't ever carry a baby to term :-/ Thanks.

Hello Raraz, so sorry to hear of your loss.

I had a mc 15 days ago at 9+2. I wept for days and then, just when you feel you are getting through, it hits you all over again.

I don't think that anything will ever make it COMPLETELY better, after all you have lost a much longed for and loved baby, but time helps. You will never forget your baby, but you will become better equipped to deal with your loss. 15 days later, I can actually get through a whole day without crying and perhaps even a smile!!! Still can't bear to talk to anyone....have only spoken to mum, dad and best mate and it took me 11 days to do that.

Everyone deals with their grief differently, no two people are the same, but everything you feel is normal. Recurrent miscarriage is still quite rare. There is no reason to believe that you will NOT have a healthy baby. Plenty of women who have had a miscarriage go on to have healthy children. It seems that there are a lot of women here who have had recurrent mc, but that is because this is a meeting place for all of us...a club that only we can join. If you take the number of women on here and then measure them against the general population, it really does only happen very very occasionally. (I hope that makes sense).

So, look after yourself, rest, come on here if you feel the need for a chat, and give your partner lots of hugs. He will need them too. x

RaraZ I'm really sorry you are going through this. Cerys is right that the main thing that makes it better is time, and allowing yourself to work through a grieving process for your loss, however that seems right to you. Making small positive steps and looking after yourself helps, acknowledging the loss and honouring the baby in some concrete way helps, sharing however you are feeling with others who have been through it helps. If you are someone who needs factual information then the Miscarriage Association is a good place to start.
I'd also agree that recurrent miscarriage is quite unusual. Depending which figures you use it's something like 15-25% of pregnancies that end in miscarriage, mostly in first trimester. More common, but less talked about, than you'd think. It's only 1% of couples that suffer recurrent miscarriages (3 or more) but they tend to be over-represented on here because it understandably becomes a bit of an obsession. Once you feel strong enough to try again you have a very good chance of having a completely healthy pregnancy, and in fact your chances statistically are exactly the same after one miscarriage as they were in a first pregnancy.
There's a lovely supportive thread on the conception board for those TTC after a MC, and a sister thread on the pregnancy board, where everyone will understand your concerns.

The doctor Sarah Jarvis was on daybreak this morning talking about miscarriage, I wish I could remember everything she said, but the thing that stuck was that if you have had a miscarriage, there is hope as you have been able to get pregnant, while a lot of people don't get that far.

However I know from personal experience that that won't help today, but give yourself time, and eventually you may be able to take comfort from that.

Take care of yourself and as I said before give yourself time, it really is the best healer.

Thankyou, ladies. I realised I might not get pregnant straight away, but I never for a minute thought I'd get pregnant and then lose it :-( ...and the doctors talk almost as if it's my own fault, saying that it's just because we test so early that it's a problem; that years ago we wouldn't even have known. Well given it hurts so much I can barely walk even when dosed up on codeine, I think even 30 years ago (had I been around!) I'd have realised there was something up!!

Bakingtins , could you link me to the TTC after MC thread? I can't find it :-( x

Rara I was the same as you, was pregnant for a 4th time never thought I'd miscarry as my last 3 pregnancies were healthy......took for granted that the 4th would be ok, it wasn't and I miscarried at 11 weeks tho I don't think I ever got past a few weeks

That was November last year, I'm now 16 weeks pregnant again!

Good luck with everything and don't put too much pressure on yourself, it takes time to get over a miscarriage.

My mum, me and my sister mis-carried before going on to have babies. Never give up hope and dont pressure yourself.
Good luck xx

My 2nd pregnancy ended in a m/c at 13 weeks. I went on to have 4 full term pregnancies and have 5 DC in total.
I conceived again 9 months after my m/c and had DC2 pretty much one year to the day after the due date of my m/c baby which was a little bit scary.
Sorry to hear your sad news. Make sure you look after yourself and take as long as you need to grieve.

My 1st and 2nd pregnancies both ended in MCs at 6 weeks, and they happened very close together (one in Feb and the second in May last year). People were either not "bothered" or they said all the usual things. I thought id never feel normal again but after a while, you do. We wasn't even trying but always said, if I got pregnant then we'd be very happy. After the 2 MCs it made us realise just how much we wanted to be parents but also knew it was important to give my body a chance to get better both physically and emotionally so wanted to wait a while before TTC however I got pregnant within 2-3 months and carried right to term. We have a beautiful 11 week old baby. Iv always said "things happen for a reason".
Sorry for the long message but I didn't want to tell you facts about MCs etc I wanted to tell you what happened to me to give you hope. There is amazing support on here.
Everyone reacts differently and copes differently. Do what feels natural to you. If you dont want to talk or see anyone, dont. If you want to cry, cry. Don't worry about what others think.
I am sorry for your loss, and like others have said, take your time, grieve and look after yourself (let others looks after you too)
xx

TTC after MC thread

So sorry to read of your loss. I am coming up to the 1st anniv of my miscarriage (on my wedding anniversary). I am very lucky to already have 4 beautiful healthy children, so saw no reason that pg5 would be any different.

Talk about the baby and your loss, plant something/do something to remember it by. It doesnt matter if you lose a pg at 4wks or 40wks it was still a little life that you created and grew for a certain amount of time.

My mc was at 10wks and was my first and only mc. We made the decision that I would never fall pg again (with dh) and sent him off to the drs. In order for me to get through the pain I made sure i talked about number 5 and bought a forget-me-not charm for my baby bracelet as a lasting reminder. I talked and still talk about my thoughts and feelings at losing a baby and even though it is still a subject that people dont like to talk about/hear about.

Do whatever you need to do to get through. It is a complete rollercoaster of emotions. You will have good days and not so good days, the EDD will be painful as you will be thinking of all the 'what ifs'.

Rest & take care of yourself x

Thanks, AprilMeadow . What's the EDD though???

I saw a counsellor and she suggested writing down my feelings. Not exactly radical, I know, but something I've never done as I've always felt stupid about it. Might well give it a go now though.

I think my main issue is that I just feel like I've failed as a woman. I know that's stupid and that MCs happen to so many people and I know I'd never judge anyone else like this....but I just can't help but feel that I'm not a proper woman because I've lost this baby - especially when I tried so hard to make sure I was in tip top health and when I wanted it so much. I just feel empty inside, and I'm so scared it'll happen again.

The doctor at the hospital said that the fact that I've been pregnant more than once means that fertility is not an issue, so at least I've got that - but what if I just can't carry a baby to term?? They had no answer for that one. I'm so scared.

EDD = expected due date.
How many MC have you had, RaRa? I read the OP that this was your first one, but maybe I got that wrong.

Oh. Thanks :-)

Two I think - pretty sure I had a chemical pg last year.