Back to work

[Louzul]

Today I'm going back to work after losing my baby at 9wks, last Tuesday. Yesterday I thought I was strong enough, and I want to go back to work as I think it will help me begin to move forward. My work have been really supportive, but this morning as I face it I am really scared, and almost crying.

I dont know how to explain my absence to people who dont know about my mc. I work with clients, who dont know, and I am terrified that I will breakdown if they ask how I am. I have a demanding job and its always quite full on.

How did you all cope with those first few days back? I dont want spend it sobbing in the ladies the whole day!

I didn't want to read and run - huge HUG for you today

I cannot remember how I coped. Though I had to do this before.

I had to suddenly leave the office in the middle of the day without giving a proper reason, mubbled something about not feeling well. Nobody at the office knew I was pregnant so I figured no need to tell them I lost the baby. But at least some people at your work know, so they will be sensitive. I can see it can create a somewhat uncomfortable dynamic with those who don't if you do appear teary in public.

I think if you are still teary and on the verge of breaking down, it is best to stay out of the office. Otherwise work is a good distraction but not if you need the time alone more.

Since you deal with clients, can you cancel all your client-facing work. If that is not possible, can you take a personal day or two, or even annual leave?

Is this your first pregnancy? You will get through it, hth. Just need some time to grieve and catch your breath.

Big hugs from me too to help you get through the day xxxxx

Do you think you might need to take a couple more days off? Or perhaps slide in gradually - postpone all non-urgent meetings, for example?

I work mostly from home, but teach at a university once a week. I miscarried two weeks ago for the fifth time. I went back to take my class last week and had to abandon it an hour in because I just wasn't physically (or psychosomatically) up for it.

As not all of them had been informed of my previous absence and attendance last week was low, I have sent a message round to the students telling them very factually what has happened to me and that we are recommencing this week. I know things may be different in your workplace, but I believe in being open about mc wherever possible, as it is so little talked about in general. This will be the first time most of my students will ever have heard of such a thing, and I think it's no bad 'lesson' in awareness.

Anyway, you may well be there now, so thinking of you.

I told all my managers and the team I manage. This was my 3rd and from previous experience 'flu' etc' don't work: people think you're nuts and crying over flu... or OK and overload you.
I have to say even those who were mega awkward were kind about it. Walking on eggshells but better than not knowing. I was meant to deliver a day on pregnancy and parenting to teens - of course knowing meant the manager of that day could sort it so I did something else.
Oh, and be truthful on the yellow absence form. Ethically and because as a complication of pregnancy they must be supportive by law and it doesn't count as sick days.

Thinking of you louzul x

Thanks guys. At work and getting through it. Will post later, but hopefully will be ok. xx

Can I just say thank you for all being so lovely. Work was tough, but I was glad I went. I'm telling people slowly, and in my own time, and everybody has been so lovely. It's a comfort to know I am in their thoughts. Yes the clichés have come out from some, but I know it's kindly meant and from a good place. You have all helped me as well. My emotions still are up and down, but getting back into a routine will help. I'm being supported at client meetings by another manager. I will get there, and we will all get the together. Xx

That sounds very positive, and I am so glad you have good support. Take care.