Is it normal to feel like this? (Period after MC)

[MeerkatMerkin]

It is 38 days since my ERPC. I started to miscarry at 12 weeks and the ERPC was done on 9th April, a few days after.

I have just started my period today. My cycle was 32 days before, anyway, so not too disrupted, clearly. I am feeling absolutely terrified. Part of the fear is it reminds me of when I started bleeding for the MC. Part of it is fear and dread of the whole process of TTC starting again. It took us 14 months to conceive the baby we lost, and I went a bit crazy towards the end. I know that's a short time relatively to some, but the thought of it taking as long/longer again makes me feel like I want to not bother at all. The idea of going through all that again for it to end in the same way is horrifying - I don't know if I could cope with it. At the same time, I am aching for a second child. I just feel so scared. Can anyone relate to these feelings?

It's strange, as I had a really lucid dream last night that I started my period in bed, got up to go to the toilet and started passing massive bits of tissue and blood again. :(

Yes, thats normal ... horrid, but common I think. The 1st period after is always a terror for me. So glad you're allowed to use tampax so I can 'hide' it from sight. Just reminds me of it (doesn't help that in my last 2 the 1st period was clotty ugh).

Yes, totally normal. I had a natural mc 2 weeks ago and I am dreading my first period, just because I was so scared of all the blood during the mc.

Yep. Total slap in the face even if you are relieved to see AF. Trying again very emotionally tough. There's a lovely thread on the conception board for TTC after MC though - really helps to have some company in the madness.

Very, very, very normal. I can identify with the tired repulsion at the thought of the ttc process. 've decided I can't cope with all the what-day-it-is and we-must-have-sex-on-day-14 stuff this time around, so we are just going to try and have sex every 3 days pretty much throughout my cycle and I will write down first days of periods in a spreadsheet I otherwise don't look at. Just so it's less 'technical' and energy-sapping and exhausting.

As a veteran of 5 mcs, I'm afraid I can say that you do lose the innocence and happiness of getting that positive test. It's no longer an automatic cause for celebration, and it's horrid when hope sneaks up on you and overpowers you anyway. It is, to be frank, a bugger. What comforts me is that there is something, I think, very positive and brave in putting yourself at that risk of going through that, essentially for love, love of the baby that's not there yet.

Thank you all, so much, for replying. I have tried to explain it to my DH but he doesn't really understand although he tries his best to give comfort and hope. It's awful really, I was so glad when I was pg just to be having 'normal' sex again, not worrying what day it was, not writing it down afterwards, not lying in a wet patch with my legs in the air - I am so sad that our sex life will again be reduced to timings and technicalities.

I am also wondering if this period is normal as I've had no cramps, or whether I actually ovulated, or what? It's impossible to know and so frustrating.

I am so sorry for your losses, I've only had one MC and it's thrown me so much. I think you are all very brave.

Meerkat don't know if it helps but it took me 12 cycles TTC last year, lost the baby at 8 weeks, then 3 cycles TTC followed by another loss at 8 was, then 1 cycle TTC currently 7 weeks and crapping myself
I was beginning to think I was peri menopausal or having secondary infertility issues before the first BFP, but it's been relatively quick since. An extra kick in the teeth to lose a baby when you've tried so long, but sometimes just one of those things and doesn't mean it will take ages again.
There may not have been a normal lining built up in that first cycle and it's not unusual to have an anovulatory cycle immediately post MC. Hopefully you'll get your hormonal groove back quickly.

8 weeks

Just read that back and wanted to clarify that I meant a long time TTC could be "just one of those things" not belittling the loss of your baby.