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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Miscarriage no.6 tonight I guess it is never going to happen now then- feel this is where we give up

40 replies

doubleshotespresso · 13/05/2013 03:47

Seems we are not meant to ever go full term.

Am heartbroken and in so much pain _ really cant face what I know is coming now.....

Why why why this is so cruel....

18 weeks and was getting so hopeful this time- cannot see how we get thru again this time.

Just my rant at the world really thats it.

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redwallday · 13/05/2013 13:16

I'm so sorry you are going through this :( I'm glad you husband is there as support. There are no words for this kind of loss really, just time it takes to get through it xxxx

Bakingtins · 13/05/2013 14:04

Doubleshot I am so sorry. I've had 3 MC and that is more shit than any one person should have to deal with, I have no idea how you've dragged yourself back off the floor after six. Life is very unfair. Thinking of you.

MrsOakenshield · 13/05/2013 14:09

very quick post as am work - we had DD after 5 mcs. After number 5 we took ourselves privately to St mary's Paddington Recurrent MC clinic (leading clinic in UK) and after tests and treatment (progesterone) there, plus acu throughout, successfully had DD. So all may not be lost, though it is so so horrid when happening.

Fingers crossed for you xx

MariefromStMoritz · 13/05/2013 14:13

Hey, have you had immunity testing? Also I would recommend Progesterone and Baby Aspirin for next time. Sorry this is happening to you.

doubleshotespresso · 13/05/2013 17:34

redwallday thanks, yes DP has been great and yes time I suppose will help....

Bakingtins well I would not say I am quite off the floor yet- at present quite doped up so am numb to everything for now which is probably a good thing tbh..... My colleagues just sent me the most beautiful flowers and I bawled my eyes out as they did the same last time too, but was so moved they did this. Life is very unfair- just seems like the worst thing ever and I tried so hard to do and eat all the right things.... I just cannot seem to win this battle.

MrsOakenshield I have hadsuggestions for this treatment yes if you do not mind me asking, is the private route ridiculously expensive? We haven't yet had the "where do we go from here chat" but I suspect if we did continue to try, this is our final option....

MariefromStMoritz yes have had tests for immunity, I have history of ME and also problems with blood immunity (hence them keeping me he still:-( ), though I was advised at the last appointment that all was well.....

My hcg levels are dropping and have to stay here for a while as there are other complications, mainly my temperature at the mo, having blood tests it seems every hour or so. the consutant wants to operate I think and am dreading that conversation. MY brain will just not compute all this stuff right now.so.I will be on here in bursts later on as I keep dozing off....... But this thread has gone from my "watched threads? Anybody know why that might be?

Apologies if some of my typos read badly- am wearing ancient glasses as I did not bring any contact lenses with me .... And everything is blurring.

For now. though, your responses have made my lowest point to date just a bit more bearable- I am beyond thankful for the kind kind words. . . .

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MammaTJ · 14/05/2013 05:40

I had three early MCs and then had a DD. A friend of mine had 7 MCs and 2 still births, then had a DD. I posted on here about how emotional the babys Christnening was.

So sorry you are going through this.

Bakingtins · 14/05/2013 11:51

Hi doubleshot how are you coping today? Hope you've been able to get home.
I'm currently on progesterone, baby aspirin and high dose folic acid to try to support current pregnancy (only 6 weeks in) as nothing on RMC investigations. It remains to be seen if it helps. It's our "last try" but then so was the last one, it's very tough to know when to call it a day. If there are stones left unturned, I think I'd always wonder "what if I'd tried XYZ?"
Thinking of you.

valiumredhead · 14/05/2013 11:52

Oh you poor thing , I'm so sorry :( x

Playerpleeease · 14/05/2013 11:58

How are you today doubleshot? Sorry for your loss Sad

cyclingtreadworn · 14/05/2013 12:07

Double, I am so sorry.xxx A friend at work had countless late miscarriages and now has a little girl, she was treated by Dr Raj Rai at I think St Marys? He is an expert on recurrent miscarriage and had her on various medications to help the pregnancy succeed. I don't know if it was private or not I'm afraid, but perhaps look into him. Lots of hugs xxx

doubleshotespresso · 14/05/2013 12:32

Hello - yes finally allowed to come home early this morning....

I cannot describe fully enough the relief to be in my home, feeling a bit like a rebellious teenager too, have eaten cheese, chocolate and coffee, all of which I have not had in about months....... I will not be eating any spinach today- who cares about iron levels today?

My parents have flown back from France which I am so grateful for, they are very practical and have already just started filling in the gaps at home and are collecting stepchildren from school/football later.

Am thinking now, DP has 3 wonderful children twin boys (14) and Dd(11), maybe I should not put him through this again? I have been in their lives for nearly 10 years (since DP was widowed) and should perhaps just be grateful for what we have? But have dreamed so long for our "own" little one.(he is keen to try again Shock ) This time is was the closest we have come, it really felt possible and all the scans were perfect. Still not sure what went wrong.

We have some thinking to do I guess- not sure I have it in me to face this ever again. I cannot even cry- am just in this very odd state of numbness.

Really need to get back to normal now, I am scared feeling like this almost as if am not in control. Is that the painkillers and stuff?

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Tomkat79 · 14/05/2013 15:01

You've been through awful lot...give yourself time to do 'normal'. Not too sure what they gave me whilst under GA last Friday but on another planet for a while. Glad you're home x

doubleshotespresso · 14/05/2013 23:59

Tomkat thanks yes have moped a lot today and done very little really....
Am very lucky that both our parents have been about today and dealt with all household/family suff and just left me to rest.

Not really sleeping, just trying to switch off...... Tomorrow theyre back and I think we will eventually get towards how we muddle thru this time....

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willitbe · 17/05/2013 11:06

doubleshotespresso - so sorry you are going through this. Firstly you need to give yourself some time. I am sure the "what do we do now" conversation will come in due course, but continue to be kind to yourself, you need time to be the "rebellious teenager" for a while before facing normality again.

Whether or not you try again I would recommend going for grief counselling, I went after about my 8th miscarriage (sadly I have lost count by now, they have started to all merge into one). I found the counselling really helpful, and has helped greatly with subsequent pregnancies and the miscarriages.

If/when you do decide to try again:

I would recommend Dr Raj Rai at St Mary's too. I went there privately after around 7 miscarriages.

He was excellent, I had fortunately had most of the routine tests done with previous miscarriages, so only had a few extra tests, such as the TEG bloodclotting test that is only done there. The visit and the tests came to around £600 approx. But for me it was great to see someone who genuinely understood, rather than the various local hospitals, that whilst ok were not really understanding recurrent miscarriage.

From my opinion, St Mary's focus more on the bloodclotting issues rather than the immunity issues, so you may be better seeing one of the other specialist recurrent miscarriage centres that focus more on immunity issues. The only positive test I had prior to going to St Mary's was a positive ANA test.

I hope that you continue to be well looked after at home over the next few days. Do keep talking about how you are feeling, it is important.

doubleshotespresso · 17/05/2013 22:43

willitbe thanks that is reassuring..... Its been a rough week and I am very up and down..... The hard part is how we now get past it all, but hopefully time will help. ...

We have tentatively spoken about the possibility fo trying again, but think going private would be our best and only option now.

Thanks for the recommendation, I will note what you have referred to and perhaps follow up on it later.

So very kind of you to take the time to detail all this for me, the support from here has totally overwhelmed me.....

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