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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Thought I was pregnant...went slightly giddy with the thought for few days. Now feel silly that I'm not. :(

3 replies

NancyPiecrust · 05/04/2013 21:31

Not actively trying for a baby but thought I might be pregnant as was late & 16 dpo & didn't feel any AF symptoms at all. Then today AF reared her ugly head - 4 days late and suddenly really heavy period started all at once (not normal for me) with lots of aches ( normal). Really really hope it wasn't a very early MC. I'm 24 now, and I had a MC at 11 weeks when I was 18 & was planning to keep the devastated me. I guess I will never know. Maybe my cycles are just irregular or something. It's awful when you really start to believe you might be pg and you get really happy at the possibility and go a bit loopy imagining ....I couldn't sleep last night as felt so wired with excitement that my late AF might mean I was was pg. I imagined telling my family, my boyfriend, his family, and how happy everyone would be. I even found myself talking to the potential bean in my head saying "If you're thinking about whether you want to stay or not then maybe I can convince you" and was telling it all the stuff about my life and it's Daddy & how much we'd love it and what good parents we'd be to it. Made myself think maybe it was really happening. Got carried away. Then felt so silly today when AF came. And disappointed. Perhaps I want a baby more than I knew. After having come off the pill 4 months ago (giving my body a break) I feel like my natural broodiness has really been coming through now my natural hormones are controlling my cycle. My body wants to have a baby, I can feel it. And if I'm honest my head & heart do too...I think about it all the time. But because of MC at 18 I am terrified it'll never happen for me and that makes me not want to even admit to my partner or myself that I want to try for a baby in the next year or two. I feel silly for planning a pregnancy in my head when I've only been going out with the guy for 8 months. We're so in love and he's amazing with kids and badly wants kids too (in future). I'm a F/T nanny to a 6 month old baby too (he was newborn when I started) so I know I am ready and this is probably adding to the broodiness !!
Anyone else had this feeling of just being really foolish and feeling guilty to admit that being pregnant and having a baby would make you feel complete & that you're kind of in limbo until then?

OP posts:
Bakingtins · 05/04/2013 21:39

Hi Nancy I'm at the other end of the spectrum really - trying for third and final child at 38 and have had 3 miscarriages - but I can completely understand the raising of hopes when AF is a day or two late (or even when it's not quite due and you "feel" pregnant) and then being disappointed. I think you need to sit down with your partner and talk about how you feel and if he feels the same way. You are very young still and your relationship is new - give some thought to whether this is a dream you want to fulfil now or whether there are other things you want to do first, you have plenty of time. It's very scary embarking on another pregnancy when you've previously miscarried, but the reality is you have a very good chance of carrying to term with no problems next time, for most people it's sheer bad luck that it goes wrong. There are several threads on conception and pregnancy boards for TTC and being pregnant after MC, so no shortage of people to hold your hand when/if you decide to go for it.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm in limbo and life is on hold until either I can complete my family with another baby or I get so fed up with it all that I can give up the idea of three kids.
Good luck whatever you decide.

NancyPiecrust · 05/04/2013 22:32

Thanks Bakingtins for your reply and encouraging words & good luck with your journey of TTC no.3 (if you do decide to stick with two - I'm a nanny to 3 kids and 3 kids is A LOT. Somehow it's so different than 2, they become like a tribe and suddenly, you're VERY aware of how much you're outnumbered ! lol !)

I guess I just feel embarrassed or unable to admit in RL that I'm badly broody and aching to 'complete' my journey to being a mother. I guess it's still residue left over from my MC 7 years ago...pain still echoing...I felt all the usual things like that I failed, my body failed, my body failed my baby, my baby didn't want to stay...I guess I have a niggling feeling underlying every part of my life and every fibre of my being that I want to 'get it right this time'. I know, I know, I'll be an amazing Mum.
I feel my boyfriend is The One...he's very special, seriously lovely & amazing. I've not had a serious boyfriend who I thought was marriage or father material since the guy I was with when I MC'd at 18. And now I feel like I've found "it"...I feel ready and aching to have his baby ! He knows I've been feeling broody - I said last month "I feel sad b/c I feel so far away from being 'able' or it being acceptable to have a baby" and he said "Well you're closer than you think - you're in a relationship that's going somewhere. with an older guy, who wants the same things you do". But I don't want to push the issue as I don't want this to be something I pressure him for - I want him to say to me "I want to have a baby with you" or preferably ask me to marry him first !

I haven't cared about anything as much (uni, jobs, relationships) in the 7 years since I MC'd .... Before I thought I was so sure of where I was going...but after, I felt so lost & useless.... I did however get to go travelling with my boyfriend (the father) and see the world and have some crazy drunken times in South East Asia & Mexico ! I guess I feel there's nothing I want to do as passionately as have a family. And with that will come the passion and drive to move on to other areas of my life - career - start my own business or whatever ! I'd have a reason to do it ! The only reason I'd want more money or a big house is FOR my future children.

I have a lot of guilt that my baby thought I didn't want it because I'd just turned 18 when I found out I was pg.....I considered abortion and went through the motions as I felt that was what I was 'supposed to do'. I couldn't go through with it. But then it hadn't sunk in properly that I was pg...I didn't make a Dr's appointment straight away to say I was keeping the baby....I didn't go and buy Folic Acid....I didn't take responsibility or take it seriously enough....I didn't eat well....I took it for granted that the pg would just continue and I'd have plenty of time to eat right..take vitamins, go to Dr. Then suddenly it was all over....'complete miscarriage'. When we had the scan to check, the Nurse said 'I'm sorry, there's nothing there." That haunts me so much. I felt like my baby bailed on me because he/she didn't feel safe in my body and I didn't make it feel at home. (Hence the talking to my potential bean this time). I was so young and scared and I felt ashamed I had got pg at just turned 18...I wasn't "one of those girls". I am a completely different person now and I feel much more ready for motherhood. I feel great on my own, I love myself, I feel at peace in the NOW. I could live without being a mother if I knew I never could be one. If I had a child I feel THAT would ignite my passion and give me a purpose to earn more money, start my own business, move to a different country. As things stand, I'm going nowhere. I feel I'm just going through the motions. Maybe my boyfriend feels this strongly too (he is 38) but he doesn't want to admit it properly either as he worries he'll scare me off or put unfair pressure on me as I'm so young compared to him.


OP posts:
Bakingtins · 06/04/2013 07:53

talk to him! I'm sorry you are still troubled by those thoughts about your MC. I'm sure you know these things don't happen because babies " feel unwanted" or your nutrition is less than perfect. Plenty of babies are born to women who do absolutely everything wrong thinks of the woman with massive bump who was smoking that I wanted to slap yesterday and plenty of women who plan pregnancies and do it totally by the book miscarry. It wasn't your fault, and the odds are on your side for next time.

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