still not over it even though I've had a baby

[ThreeWheelsGood]

I had a mmc in 2011 (first pregnancy) and went on to have healthy pregnancy/baby last year. I think I've been depressed since the miscarriage and it's only just dawned on me. I had some counselling after the mmc and thought getting pregnant would make me better, but I just worried and felt disconnected all through my second (successful) pregnancy and I'm not enjoying being a mum at all. I just wanted to write this down really. Thanks for reading.

poor you, didn't want to read and run. How old is your little one now?
Perhaps it is worth going back to the person you had counselling with after the mmc to talk about how you are feeling.
having a newborn is not easy at the best of times. hang in there and talk to someone in RL, don't suffer in silence

Baby is six months. Much loved of course but finding it so hard.

I had six miscarriages before we had our DD who has just turned one. After we had DD I actually found the anniversaries of the miscarriages harder to deal with. I think part of the problem for me was that I now know what the end result of a healthy pregnancy is and made it harder to think how would my other babies have been. It also seems unfair in a way that one of your babies made it but the others didn't. Maybe if you are still feeling like this after six months although it sounds like you have been feeling like this a lot longer, it would be worth having some more counselling? Six months is still young for your DC and it is very hard being a new Mum anyway. I thought it would be all sweetness and light and the fact that it had taken us so long would mean I could never feel unhappy. But that is far from the case. The lack of sleep and total dependency gets you down, even though it is what you have always wanted.

Please don't be hard on yourself you sound like a good Mum. You might just need a bit of help. X

Thank you for your reply kaster, so sorry to hear about your mcs.

"I thought... the fact that it had taken us so long would mean I could never feel unhappy." - I feel like this a bit, I really believed getting pregnant again would make me feel better and especially actually having the baby. It is still early days though and I'm so tired all the time, I hope it gets easier as she gets older.

It is very hard when they are so little. My DD is now 13 months and is not such hard work, just different. I think once they start being able to sit up on their own and start crawling it becomes a bit easier, as they can amuse themselves a bit more. Although that usually involves getting hold of things they shouldn't!

Do you go to any groups? If not it might be worth a try, even if it just gets you out of the house for a bit. I find they are good, we moved to a completely new area in January and I found it hard starting at new groups again but I was glad I did or I would have gone stir crazy. Having a baby is a good buffer, even I'm a bit shy my DD just gets on with it so I have to talk to people. Another plus is it makes her tired.

I hope you are okay. Please don't be hard on yourself. Having a baby is such a massive change in your life. It's normal to feel resentful of them sometimes and want your old life back. But it's worth it in the long run.