MMC - Am waiting to miscarry, feel so lost :-(

[GuffSmuggler]

I found out last Weds at 12 week scan I've had a MMC. It's a blighted ovum so there's no baby there just an empty, useless sac. I started bleeding last weekend but only lightly and in the last few days it has completely stopped.

They are giving me 2 weeks to let it happen naturally otherwise I'm booked in for an ERPC. We're going away in the UK next week and whilst I'm going to try and put on brave face I just feel so anxious waiting for this thing to happen to me Then some people are saying I might not miscarry and my body will just keep holding on until I go for the ERPC. I don't know what to think.

People in RL keep saying they are sorry to hear about my miscarriage but I just feel they don't understand because it hasn't even happened yet. I'm just in some kind of horrendous limbo.

Not sure why I'm posting really, just wondered if anyone had any simliar experiences or advice that could help me.

oh you poor thing, that is horrible for you and so upsetting I don't have any words of advice really though I had an erpc at 12 weeks too and I should imagine neither scenario is better than the other really. So sorry ((Hugs))

I have just been through similar to you, mmc found at 10 weeks after slight spotting. Had to wait a week to be sure but although sac had grown tiny bundle inside hadn't(was sized at 4-5 weeks) so although not a blighted ovum it was similar.

That 2nd scan was friday, and was in for erpc the next day (yesterday) at 7.30am and out at 2pm. Have had very little bleeding and physically feel well today.

Still sad but found the gap helped, dealt with the immeadiate emotions after first scan, then had ability to deal with the physical.

Was it a first pregnancy?

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

It's a horrible and confusing time, being in this horrible limbo. It's like you are pregnant, but not pregnant, at the same time.

I had a MMC at 9.5 weeks, and an ERPC a week later. The in-between time was very hard, battling with my emotions. My hormones certainly didn't help, and I felt very fragile. It's not fair that you are going through this.

Did you choose to wait 2 weeks? I found out on a Friday, and initially didn't know what to do, but very quickly felt as though I wanted an ERPC as quickly as possible because I found the uncertainty very hard. I made the arrangements on the following Monday. After reading other people's stories here, it's very different for everyone though.

On the practical side, I made preparations in case things started before my ERPC. I saw my GP and got prescription-strength pain relief (I'm a big wuss), packed a small hospital bag just in case - knickers, pads, phone charger, book, change of clothes, cash, towel (for the car), snacks and a drink. It helped me to know that I was prepared - made me feel a bit more in control.

Do you have some good support in RL? I hope you aren't worrying about this alone.

If you have any questions, please just ask. It's hard to know exactly what to say, apart from 'sorry' and 'this shouldn't be happening to you'.

X

I had a MMC a few years ago. Found out at the 11 week scan that the baby had died a couple of days prior. I didn't want an erpc so said I would wait but then haemmorraged pretty badly, so take care. I'm surprised they're leaving you a couple of weeks. Very sorry to hear about your bad luck, it's a miserable experience. I would have thought you could ask for an erpc if you'd rather get it over though, surely the doctors would listen?

Thanks all, yes I have good support in RL thank goodness and I also have a 2 year old DS so at least I have him to cuddle.

I could have had the EPRC next week but it would have meant cancelling our holiday and the whole family are going for my sisters birthday who I only see every year or two as she lives abroad.

The timing is awful and I thought cancelling the holiday would just make everything worse, but now I'm not so sure, but there is nothing I can do now really except wait.

I still can't even do my trousers up properly because I look pregnant

I've had a MMC, so I can understand the horrible limbo you're in. Do you want to wait for the MC to happen naturally? Some women do and feel it's important to 'experience' it. If you are not of this mindset, can you ask to have the ERPC any sooner? I told them I wanted it immediately and was booked in for the following day. It was a quick procedure (about 20 mins I think - approx. an hour in total with prep and recovery time, plus an hour for observations afterwards). You're in and out same day and physically I felt absolutely fine afterwards - just a little light bleeding. I'd have hated to go away for a few days, worrying that the MC could start at any time.

Hi Guffsmuggler, sorry to hear about your loss. I found out on friday that I am having a MMC, I should have been 10 weeks, but the scan showed no hearbeat and a size of 7 weeks. I initally wanted a natural miscarriage, (the idea of an ERPC terrified me), but now I am thinking of medical management, not as scary as an ERPC, but at least I won't be waiting for what could be weeks for it to happen naturally, is that something you would consider? I know what you mean about being in limbo, it really is awful x

Hello Guff and others. I'm in the same situation, found out last week at 10+4 that baby had died about nine weeks. I would prefer to miscarry naturally but I don't know how long to wait. Have had light bleeding and cramps for a week now. My hospital doesn't offer medical management. I think DH would rather I had the ERPC but he's very understanding and supportive.

I'm so sad for you all. It's an awful thing to go through.

Hello OP, I have been through just what you are going through. My 12 wk scan was on Xmas eve, and my limbo period was over Xmas. I had an ERPC on NYE. It is a truly heartbreaking thing to go through and I am sorry for your loss.

My thoughts are that you should think about actually whether you want to go on holiday next week. You may feel that being around your family will be helpful to you, and if so, good. But please don't force yourself to struggle on as if everything is normal. Put yourself and your needs first here. I didn't at Xmas and spent a horrific few days at inlaws trying to hold it together long enough to pull Xmas crackers, when actually I wanted the world to stop so I could deal with my pain in my own way. I think that it has contributed to the grief/recovery process taking longer than it could have.

The second thing I wanted to reassure you about is the ERPC, if that's the route you choose. It really isn't bad at all, I was very well looked after. I am more than happy to answer any questions you have about it.

You may only see your sister every couple of years. But (hopefully) this MC is an even rarer thing, it is a massive thing to happen to you and you need to put yourself and your recovery and your emotions above any obligations or commitments to others.

Really wish you well.

Hi everyone,

Thought I would update. Thank you so much for all the lovely and kind advice on here, it has been so helpful and reassuring.

In the end we got the ERPC brought forward to yesterday as I was going out my mind waiting to miscarry. I was having a small amount of bleeding everyday and I would just lie awake at night thinking 'is this the night it's all going to happen'. Was a really dreadful anxious time.

So we went away with the family for a few days and it was near enough to drive back and have the op yesterday morning. I'm so glad I have had it, the procedure was fine and I feel so relieved it's over now and I can focus on recovering both physically and emotionally.

Thanks again for all the advice.

Glad to hear ERPC went well. Take care of yourself, don't expect too much of yourself too soon, and relax/take it easy as much as you can for a few weeks. I wish you well in your recovery.

I
Remember this awfulness so well. I waited as I still felt sick and was desperate to hang on to the hope that they'd got it wrong (subconsciously). How could I still have morning sickness?
When it started to happen (slight bleeding) it frightened me and i got booked in for an ERPC straight away as my mmc was actually molar and I needed to have a histology. That plus the scary words of the hospital echoing: "Just call us if you start to haemorrhage!". All went smoothly after that. It's not easy but I didn't want it to happen naturally and see / experience that. I'd just wanted to wait to hold onto hope.

I've previously had a mmc and ERPC, it took my hormones around 6 months to settle down - so please don't expect too much of yourself at first. It was a horrible time, but you will get through it.