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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

m/c at almost 6 weeks

23 replies

ncsmummy · 20/03/2013 06:32

I went to hospital on sunday at 5 + 3 with light bleeding, bloods showed my hcg and progesterone were low. Scan yesterday at 5 + 5 showed nothing but thickening of the uterus, bleeding got worse and bloods showed my hcg had halved in 48 hours. Doctor told me to just wait it out.
I am a wreck, I cannot even put into words how I feel Oh is being a huge support even though he is obviously upset too. I keep trying to tell myself that I should pull myself together but I cant seem to keep it up.

OP posts:

Bakingtins · 20/03/2013 07:28

I'm sorry, ncsmummy it is a horrible thing to go through. You need to grieve for what you have lost and all the hopes you will have had for the future with your baby. Don't put yourself under any pressure to "pull yourself together" it is a horrible physical experience, a huge shock, and an emotional loss. The hardest thing about miscarriage is that the loss is often not recognised or acknowledged. If you need practical information the miscarriage association site has very clear information leaflets, if you need to rant or some sympathy then this is the place. It makes a huge difference to be able to 'chat' to women who understand.

Original poster

ncsmummy · 20/03/2013 07:48

Thank you. I feel completely overwhelmed at the moment with my emotions. I feel like I have been lifted up high and then suddenly dropped back down to earth without a parachute. I keep thinking things over and finding reasons to blame myself, things I should have done differently. I am so sorry for others that have experienced this

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Bakingtins · 20/03/2013 08:16

It's normal to feel guilty, but the reality is nothing you did or didn't do is likely to have caused this. It's not fair or just. Some women do everything wrong and pop out babies without a care in the world, some do everything they can and still have losses. Don't beat yourself up.

Original poster

ncsmummy · 20/03/2013 08:20

Thanks x

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PipsWife · 20/03/2013 08:24

There are no words I can write. But don't feel you must pull yourself together. It takes time.

Take some time off work (if you work!) rest and treat yourself.

Snoopingforsoup · 20/03/2013 14:20

Sorry to read this NCS
You won't feel like this for ever, I promise.
Baking always gives fab advice and she's absolutely right - there is nothing you could have done and you mustn't beat yourself up.
Be kind to yourself and take it easy

Original poster

ncsmummy · 21/03/2013 05:23

Thank you. I seem to be coping ok whilst I am occupied, the minute I have a chance to think I burst into tears. I am lucky that my OH is amazing, he has been looking after me so well.
All the stress has brought my panic attacks back, only had a couple in over a year but the last few days I have had at least 1 a day. Completely lost my appetite too - everything tastes of nothing!
I am quite relieved that my eldest 2 are at their Dads, I am hoping to be in a better state by the time they come home on Monday.

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Forgetfulmog · 21/03/2013 05:44

Hi ncs

I mc'd at 5 weeks, same as you, 2 years ago so I know exactly how you feel. It was my 1st preg. A year later we tried again & I now have a beautiful dd.

Take time to grieve and don't think you'll just be ok in a few days because its not like that. You've essentially lost your child and you need time to heal. I too blamed myself, but there really is nothing I could have done that would have made a difference. Life is harsh sometimes.

Rest as much as you can over the next few days. I really feel for you

LittleChickpea · 23/03/2013 21:07

Hi NCS

I am so sorry for your lose. I mc at 7 weeks, bleed started 4th March 2013. It is so hard and it's normal to be upset when you mc. I still get upset but it does get easier. And Baking is right there is nothing you could have done.

My thoughts are with you and your DP

Original poster

ncsmummy · 24/03/2013 09:43

Thank you littlechickpea. Its been a week since the bleeding started, my emotions have been on a complete rollercoaster. I dont know what I would have done without my oh - he has been amazing!

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vix206 · 24/03/2013 13:51

Ncsmummy I've sadly joined you from the November thread. Just started bleeding heavily after a day of spotting so I'm waiting for the inevitable now.

LittleChickpea · 24/03/2013 17:03

NCS I completely understand what you mean by the roller coaster of emotions. That's exactly the right phrase but honestly it does get easier. I got upset and tearful today and it's been three weeks since I first started spotting. But I am trying to stay focused and looking forward to continuing ttc and hopefully a BFP. Although getting a BFP is scarey too because of the mc and a bit worried about it. I have to say, the ladies on here have been fantastic and their advice is really helping me through it. Try and be kind to yourself rest and take some time off from work. Just give yourself some time to try and work through your grief.

Vix so sorry for your lose. The worst time for me was the first couple weeks but it slowly started getting easier.

pumpkinsweetie · 24/03/2013 21:27

So for your loss, i miscarried at 6wks last month . Take your time to grieve for your baby, and all the hopes and dreams you had for him or her.
Don't push yourself into anything, rest and cry.
I did, some people told me to pull myself together, I'm glad i didn't as its something i needed to deal with in my own time.
I'm still emotional about it, but better than i was.
Many hugs x

Original poster

ncsmummy · 25/03/2013 09:28

Vix, I am so sorry to hear you have joined me here

Littlechickpea - I am trying to stay focused too and look to the future. I definitely want to carry on ttc, but I agree that the thought of a bfp is scary too, I know when the time comes I will worry so much. Thank you so much for your support

pumpkinsweetie - I have found some people just feel you should forget about it and move on. I try not to dwell on it too much but I refuse to be made to feel that I shouldnt be sad about it all. It WAS my baby if only for short time. Thank you for your kind reply.

I have been a bit upset the last few days as my 2 best friends were the first people I told about my bfp after my oh and since I told them about the m/c neither of them have bothered to see how I am I feel really quite hurt.

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Original poster

ncsmummy · 26/03/2013 07:28

Horrible day today - I had to poas to make sure it came up neg Usually waiting for it to show the result is exciting but today I was dreading it. It was neg so means all has resolved itself. I feel so upset. Got to go to work today - took all of last week off and it not practical to take today too so just going to have to get on with it, maybe it will take my mind off it.

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FirstTimeMa · 26/03/2013 07:56

so sorry to hear that. is there anyone at work you could confide in? I had awful problems at the beginning and having someone at work who knew what was going on and could help if she saw I was getting upset was reassuring. I didn't talk to her about it constantly but knowing she was there made the difference.

vix206 · 28/03/2013 07:17

How are you feeling ncsmummy?

Original poster

ncsmummy · 28/03/2013 08:13

I got through work - took my mind off things a bit!

I am doing ok thanks vix - I mostly feel kind of numb now. Its a strange feeling. I am still quite upset as my best friend that I have known all my life still hasnt contacted me to see how I am since I told her about the mc

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vix206 · 28/03/2013 08:37

I'm so sorry she hasn't been in touch. It's no doubt because she doesn't know what to say but there's no right or wrong words are there? It's just a comfort to know people care.

Original poster

ncsmummy · 30/03/2013 06:07

Thats exactly it - it wouldnt matter to me what she said, it would just be good to feel that shes there for me.

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vix206 · 30/03/2013 07:20

I have a similar thing. One of my best friends and my sil haven't bothered to contact me at all. Not even once. They both know, and have known since it happened 3 days ago because DH told them. Not a text or a call or an email. It's so hurtful and I will never forget it.

I know it's probably just awkwardness but it contrasts starkly to my other friends who have brought round flowers and cake and have (most importantly) let me talk day or night about absolutely anything.

I hope she gets in touch with you soon

vix206 · 30/03/2013 07:30

Oh and slightly different but just to add the final insult to the crap medical attention I received.... My midwife suggested I text her (yes, text her) if I definitely miscarried. I did this on Wednesday afternoon after it happened. Guess what? No response!!

Original poster

ncsmummy · 31/03/2013 07:29

I am sorry to hear that you have a similar thing. It is so hurtful and not what I expected from her at all.
Oh my! I cant believe that a) the midwife told you to text her and even more that b) she didnt even bother to respond in anyway!!!! That is shockingly bad! I am sorry to hear that you have had such useless medical attention!

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