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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

What can I do?

6 replies

Catmint · 19/03/2013 22:15

My brother and his DP have had many rounds of fertility treatment. They recently got pregnant with a donated egg.

Heartbeat can no longer be found. She has to have an induced miscarriage.

Entire family obviously grieving.

Can anyone suggest anything that I can do to help them? We are in diff cities.

Sorry if i have got the terminology wrong.

OP posts:
Bakingtins · 20/03/2013 07:40

Catmint I'm so sorry for your brother and his DP, it must be extra heartbreaking to lose a baby when the pregnancy was so hard won. There really is nothing you can say to help except to acknowledge how utterly shitty a thing to happen it is. I'd say follow their lead on 'terminology' they will probably think of a lost baby, it's hurtful if people say anything dismissive about how early the loss was (if it was early, you didn't say). Send flowers/wine/chocolate and virtual hugs and say you are thinking of them. Depending how close you are, say you are there if they want to talk about it at some point.
The miscarriage association has a useful leaflet " someone you know" which suggests how to support someone who has had a miscarriage, I will link to it later (on phone) perhaps you could circulate it to family? People sometimes say the most hurtful things when they are trying to be supportive!
Though she may well find one for herself, it is enormously helpful to have a forum like this to post on, perhaps you could point her in this direction?

Bakingtins · 20/03/2013 08:14
delilahbelle · 20/03/2013 21:16

I've just had a cornual ectopic, and at the same time the termination of the other embryo as I had a twin pregnancy. What's helped me was people texting/messaging, not about my loss but just day to day stuff to let me know they were thinking of me, and to ask me if I wanted to meet for coffee etc. I hated being asked if I felt better - I had the option of lying and saying yes, or having to say no and explain why, neither of which are good.

LadyKinbote · 20/03/2013 21:21

Sometimes a notecard with a handwritten "thinking of you" is best if you're worried about exactly what to say.

Catmint · 21/03/2013 18:40

Thank you so much everyone, some good thoughts. I will read the leaflet and talk our mum through it.

OP posts:
Catmint · 21/03/2013 19:04

Delilah, so sorry for your loss.

Thank you all.

OP posts:
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